my twin brother left for the army when we were 18 , he has been gone for 4 yrs and recently got deployed to iraq. growing up we were always always together, same friends, same interests. since he came home for a visit he hasn't been the same at all, i think the war messed him up :( how do i deal with him not being the same??
2007-03-23 06:21:09 · 17 answers · asked by dawn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
leave him be until he's ready, don't push him if he's not.
I'm sure he loves you and cares about you just the same as before
2007-03-23 06:38:39 · answer #1 · answered by jimmideon49 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has changed for good... Sorry to tell you that but it is the truth... He witnessed WAR, he gained more painful life experiences, he saw some bleeding truths, and he lived in a military environment that is dominated mostly by males far from home.
He still loves you all and misses you all, but he has spent some time with much deeper problems and realities than the day-to-day experience at home....Don't ask him about what happened or what changed him to a rather (sad person) unless he wants to speak about it... He may give you some dark philosophical thoughts, just accept them or discuss them lightly and don't oppose him all the way as he has got some knowledge that hopefuly you won't experience.
Be nice to him, give him love, don't let him feel that you are sad about his new state... This is the only way he can feel relieved for the short while he is available..Give him more hope in his tomorrow... Tell him that you are not wasting your time around and you are his other half that enjoys his sacrifices... Let him feel that what he does and faces is appreciated and worths much to you...He might not feel as a hero, he might have lost some beliefs in the natural goodness of man, help him back to lively life.
Good Luck
2007-03-23 14:03:01 · answer #2 · answered by Dr. Tamer Lokman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he sees things in a different prospective now. The army and the war will definiteyl make you grow up. So I would just except the fact that you too aren't the same people anymore. Their's nothing wrong with that...because that's how life is. Enjoy getting to know him as of right now.
2007-03-23 13:27:20 · answer #3 · answered by The girl next door 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh hun that's really sad, I do know what you are saying my brother was hit by a car 4 years ago when he was 19 and suffers from a brain injury to this day, I miss him terribly, we too were best buds.
I think the best thing for you too do is pray to God with your "heart and soul" ask him to heal your brother from his pain. He must be going through so much. I'm sure this is very hard for him, but I wish you the best of luck.....Keep your head up! By the way I am not real religious but I really do believe in praying.
2007-03-23 13:31:54 · answer #4 · answered by kristywork127 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to give him a chance to adjust back to normal life, he just got back from a place where people are yelling in his face everyday and bombs are exploding next to his ears. did you expect him to be the same?
he will probably never be the same as he was when you were younger, war messes up a lot of people, you cant go there, thinking you could die any minute then survive and come back to your family and be normal, that just doesn't happen. he will always have memories of bombs, killing, or anything else he has seen.
you cant make him change, he will change on his own, give him time, love, and always tell him you care. he has to adjust.
2007-03-23 13:36:09 · answer #5 · answered by lil angel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That has got to be horrible for you. I know how twins are connected like that. Sit with him and explain how you feel. Possibly recommend counseling. What he saw and did over in Iraq could of been very psychologically damaging. Be there for him no matter what ( I know you will ). I am so sorry. Hopefully you can find your way back to each other. I wish you luck.
2007-03-23 13:28:50 · answer #6 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby give him time. I am a retired Army wife and YES they change. I want you to stop and think for a moment
What did you do oh say friday night
Go out, goof off with friends, maybe go dancing or watch a movie
NOW THINK WHAT HE DID
He was shot at, he slept uneasy, he ran he watched his back, he heard gun fire he heard bombs. MAYBE EVEN SEEN DEATH
Your world are so differant now but HE WILL COME BACK MENTALLY... BUT GIVE HIM TIME
he may and may not share things with you, dont push it let it be on his time. I had seven brothers 5 went to Viet Nam along with my husband, My Husband was always gone always leaving. and Dessert storm he left I sat with 2 kids one on life support..They can not walk away from war like we walk away from the mall
The things they hear, see go through is embedded in their minds adn in time honey he will be his old self BUT REMEMBER let it be on his time DO NOT PUSH
his love never went away. HE left a Boy
he returned a grown man.... that seen a lot.
BUT LET HIM KNOW YOU ARE THERE AND IF HE NEEDS TO TALK........ The worst thing you can say is ((GET OVER IT.)))
its easy for some one to say that that does not know what he went through.
SAY Babe Im here and I LOVE YOU. and let him have his moments of silence or being shut away from all of you he may need that time to Cope and to re group
5 of my brothers left out of 7 one we lost a bout 4 years ago his body ate with Agent orange........... They go through hell to serve you and I.................................. I am proud of you Both you for loving him... him for his strength.......
2007-03-23 13:40:05 · answer #7 · answered by Peggy C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No easy answers other than counseling for this type of question. Professionals can help, and often just one session gives you an idea of why you feel as you do, and how to go about moving on.
Clergy are not trained to give this type of advice, so seek out a real professional. Good luck.
2007-03-23 13:29:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry things have changed for the two of you. =( People grow up differently. Time changes all of us. He is still your twin brother though. He's been through a lot of craziness I'm sure. He probably needs you to be there and keep him grounded more than anything right now...to remind him of how things used to be. Good luck...and tell your brother I said 'thanks'. =)
2007-03-23 13:26:48 · answer #9 · answered by geminiqtpie22 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trying to keep being yourself but understand thay maybe he saw things, that we cannot imagine, that made him more mature and changed his way of seeing life and his way of reacting. But your brother is still your brother, even though he now has other interests. Keep loving him but accept and understand that sometimes things change. 4 years are still a lot of time away, and war is war and very very terrible.....
2007-03-23 13:32:10 · answer #10 · answered by ValH. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe it's time you moved on i mean don't get me wrong worry all you want i have 1/2 bro in a submarine in the Meditterranian Sea & i worry. but maybe you should just do something that will keep your mind off him (a little bit) and just be yourself!!!! and next time he comes over why don't you talk to him about the war & stuff & why you think it changed him. give him some sister/brotherly love girlfriend!!!!!!!
2007-03-23 13:28:28 · answer #11 · answered by Audrinalynn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋