We are planning on euthanizing our dog- should we tell the kids or just say he's "going to live elsewhere"?

Question

We have a 7 yr old dog that is just plan mean. We have done ALOT to try and correct his behaviour, but even the trainer that we saw said "He's naturally vicious". He just isn't a nice dog. (please I don't need your comments about why I should or shouldn't do this- I've been putting this off for 6+ yrs bc I really don't want to- in the hopes he'll change. He hasn't though)
My question is- we have 3 kids: 2, 5 and 11. The little ones I don't think will understand. My 11 yr old will though. We've talked about just saying that "he's going somewhere else to live" b/c he does know the dog is mean. But in times where the dog has gotten really ticked off and I inturn have to defend myself so I don't get bit, my son actually hit ME b/c he thought I was hurting him. This was the final straw that made us decide something has to happen.
So- do I tell my 11 yr old that the dog has done too much and needs to go? (we have explained the reasons to him) or do say he's living elsewhere?

I'm planning on letting them say good-bye, but just not sure if we should say he's going to live somewhere else- or that he's being euthanize. Our 11yr old son is at the age where he's going threw changes and I don't want this to mess with his head. I know we should be honest, but I also don't what my kid to turn out negative because 'we killed his dog'.
This is one of the HARDEST things we've had to decide to do. This isn't a fly-by night thing. My family comes over and their nervous to have him even walk by them. (he's only about 30 lbs- he's a small dog)
I just don't know what to do. He's bitten the kids (except our 2 yr old) and even got my 5 yr old on the face (wasn't bad and he's fine now, but his lip bled quite a bit) He was annoying him and in the dogs face, but I feel like we're just waiting for something "big" to happen to justify euthanizing him. Then we'll have the guilt of seeing the damage of something we SHOULD have prevented.

Just as I thought- everyone here too thinks what my brain is saying- and can't decide. I wish there was 'the easy answer'. This is SO fricken hard, but I can't live with a dog that could REALLY hurt one of my kids. (not to mention he 'marks' every where in the house) I just can't live with it. He's a beautiful dog, but his 'issues' are big! He's not a fun dog! Dog should be fun! He is a GREAT watch dog, but that's not what I need. I can get a security system for that. I actually support his breeds rescue, and down the road would probably rescue a NICE dog of the same breed. (we think he's honestly mental- not a joke. Not sure if dogs are born metal though)
We know nobody would take him in though. Our problems would become someone else's and I can't imagine someone able to 'fix' him being in a different environment.
This just sux! I hate it! But with what happened a few wks ago and my son actually hitting me (SO out of character for him) I'm afraid he'll hate us for it.

I sit here with tears in my eyes, b/c this is SO hard. Thank You to each of you that has given advice.
I think we will tell him that he's not well and can no longer be trusted with the family. He is sick. Not sick with a cold, but mentally sick and the older he gets the worse he will get.
I will NOT bring him with, b/c we had to put down a very sick 2 yr old, 5 yrs ago and it broke our hearts to see that. But my husband and my face were the last faces she saw. (still breaks my heart to think of her gone- she was our baby!)
We will not promise him another dog, b/c we need a break. We're doing several things to our house right now, and can't put the time into a new dog/puppy.
Thanks again to all your advise. Our 11 yr old is VERY smart and will know. It's just hard to say it & know I'm going to hurt him- and it's our fault. He still remembers when we put down our other dog 5 yrs ago, and saw the pain we went threw. It's different now- but still hard.

Answer 1

Be honest and tell him that sometimes animals just are not good, whether from its environment or from its inherited personality. Kids need to learn that not all animals are good. Also teach him about how to properly pick out a submissive pet so that when he grows up and moves out and one days gets a dog himself he can find hopefully a good dog.

Sorry for your loss. It truely sounds like you just got a dud. Sometimes that happens.

It will be a good life lesson for your son. Your child is old enough to understand...don't lie and say that he went to live elsewhere because one day your son will ask and wonder if the dog is behaving better with someone else or if he is still a bad dog.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I know what you are going through.. I has two dogs when I move out into the country. they were 6 and 7 years old.for some reason they felt they had to protect me to where they attack someone that came to visit. It was a site I never wanted to see again. Lucky the guy was not hurt to bad even though he had to go to the hospital. I had to put my dogs down because of it. This guy was lucky the next one might not be. Tell your kids the truth. The 11 year old will throw a fit no doubt, but at least he won't be thinking every day how he is going to get his dog back., or thinking some day the dog will break lose and come home. Maybe you can tell him that you will get another dog after a while. When I put my dogs down it was the worst day in my life. You know in your heart this it the best thing before the dog really hurts your kids or someone Else's kids. Tell you son, so he will not wonder about his dog. I know have my Shih Tzu's but I always think of my dogs that I had to put down. They had to die for protecting me.

Answer 3

I know you don't want a lecture on your decision, but I would not feel right if I failed to address it. PLEASE consider finding an expereinced owner for this dog, did you buy him/her from a breeder or adopt it? Perhaps some issues happened before you acquired the dog that made it come to behave this way. But putting the dog down shouldn't be the only decision. I understand the importance of safety and obviously it is in your families best interest to no longer have this dog in the home, however I do think there is another solution for you.

That said, if you must continue with your decision, I do not think you should tell the children he is 'living somewhere else'. You could tell the younger children that the dog was not a good family dog and that he has gone to a place where he can be happy, and they can remain safe. I would be more detailed with your older child, especially if he is attached to the dog.
My sister and I had to put our dog down due to old age, and we were allowed to be present while they gave her the injection, it was upsetting but well explained to us by our parents and we realized it was the best option for her.
I am sorry you had to make such a difficult decision. I wish you luck with whatever happens.

Answer 4

My advice...I was 11 when my parents had to put my dog to sleep due to illness. My brother was 5 and my sister was 1.
My parents told us that they gave him to someone else who could take better care of him. When I found out the truth a couple of years later I was so mad that they didn't tell me
or let me say good bye that I ran away from home.

Suggestion: Find a sitter for the 2 year ol and 5 year old. Take the 11 year old with you to the vet or clinic with the dog.
Explain on the way there why you made the choice you did.
That it was for everyone's safety and for the safety of others
neighbors etc.
Tell the 11 year old that he or she is old enough to learn
about some things that adults have to be responsible for.
That adult responsibilty isn't easy and some times requires you to make decisions that you know will upset others.
Tell the 11 year old that you understand how they feel
and offer to get a new puppy for the family to replace
the dog you are having to put down.
Tell the kid that you need there support to help you get through this. Then say it's okay to cry, if they want (act pretty sad yourself.)
After you drop the dog off, do not stay. Leave right away
and let them dispose of the body.
Drive over to a fast food place or a pizza place. Have a snack with the 11 year old and ask for their opinion about what to get for another dog.
Treat the 11 year old like another adult. You shouldn't have a problem.

Answer 5

Do not lie to your kids and say that the dog is simply somewhere else. If they find out the truth later, they will learn not to trust you or what you say.
You also don't want to say that the dog was too mean so you had him killed. That would only make them fear you when they get mean themselves.
What you can say is that the dog is not well and it died. You can go on to explain that what he had was not catching but it's okay to be sad because he's gone. Do not use the words "put to sleep." Many children have been terrified of that phrase and fought sleep for fear of dying.
Use the word "euthanasia." You don't have to tell them yet how it causes pets to die. It's a good blanket word that can sound like a disease but not give too much information to small children who wouldn't truly understand what the word means.
This would be a good opportunity to talk about the inevitable subject of death and allow them to experience it, so they understand it better when a human in their life passes on.

Answer 6

Have you considered giving him up to a rescue group if or a pound? Sometimes they will work with the dog to correct the behavior and then adopt them out rather than having him put down. I understand your difficulty with having an agressive dog. I'm surprised the children haven't asked you to get rid of him, like my baby brother asked my dad to do with their Weimaraner that constantly nips and pushes them down.

I personally would tell the children that the dog went to live with someone else. they might be upset for a little while, but they will get over it. While all children should learn to deal with death at some point, your dog isn't old and sick and getting ready to die, so I'd go with the dog is living elsewhere story.

Good luck, I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision you've had to come to.

Answer 7

death is a part of life and your 11 year old is old enough to understand that sometimes a dog is so sick that they have to go to sleep to go to a better place where he will play and he can still visit his beloved pup in his dreams and play together. I would also assume the 5 year old may also be able to understand this as well.

I know that it is hard to have to make that choice expecially after trying so hard and hoping that the pup will change. We have gone through that as well. I comend you for working for so many years. You know in your heart that it is time and your kids may be mad now, but in time they may come to understand why.

It is not something that I often recomend, but sometimes with kids, it can be eaiser to get through the pain with the help of another friend in their life. Even as an adult I had to do that once, and that was when we put down our pup that had turn mean after going through some very rough points in life.

Even though it may be hard, it is always best to teach that no mater how much the truth may hurt now that it is always better to be honest.

best wishes

Answer 8

Very tough call...I have children also...and one of the reasons that I have dogs is to teach my children some of life's lessons...AND death is one of those. If you tell your children that "he is going some where else to live"? they will think that it is "OK" to get rid of a dog...and maybe even think that you could "get rid" of them...
I would explain it to my children..telling them that you did everything that you could to help him stay with all of you..But you need to have concern for other humans and for other dogs...you don't want to have anyone get hurt...and that maybe your dog is just "sick"(mental) and there is no way to help him, that the dog would really feel horrible if he ever really hurt somoen...and you are doing the kind and responsible thing by having him put to sleep...

Saying something along those lines will teach the kids that they need to first try everything they can..which you did
Second it will teach them to take the responsiblity for the dog...and not pass a "dangerous dog" onto another human where the chance of some getting hurt would still excist...and third..it will help them learn the grieving proccess for when someone close to them passes on..
Good luck...you have been faced with a hard decision...

Answer 9

Hello I understand what you are going through I am a vet student and an animal rescuer myself. it is true that some animals can be born with BAD attitudes mostly due to inbreeding or a poorly chosen mix between breeds or even between same breed parents. It is very hard to explain something like this to children my best advice would be try not to lie you never know when you'll have to eat yours words later so make them sweet. It is hard but children are very smart and even if they don't understand now in the future I'm sure he will realize you had the best intrest of your children in mind.
Hope that helps...

Answer 10

That's a toughy and I went through the same thing with a cat who peed everywhere.......and I mean everywhere. I tore my heart out trying to make the right decision but, like you, as a responsible pet owner I couldn't even give the cat away........I mean who would want her? I had her put down and my 2 children (who were 10 and 9 at the time ) were told this:

I took Amber (cat) to the vet's to see if he could find out why she was always peeing (or in your case biting or growling or whatever). Unfortunately he found cancer and he couldn't cure her and had to put her to sleep.

I came home in such a state that I couldn't stop crying for 2 days so my older child knew that this was upsetting to me just as much as it was to him. We had our tears together and he accepted that explanation quite readily. I didn't tell him the truth until the subject came up years later and I knew he would lbe able to understand (he was 15 or 16 I think).

I know I lied to my kids..........what else could l do? The truth finally came out and both of my kids understood why I lied.