I lived with my Mom and Dad together until I was about 6, and they got a divorce. After the divorce, the last time I saw my Dad was when I was around 9 or 10, because he legally "gave up" my brother and I. I was told it was for financial reasons.He wasnt around very much because of work, but my Mom has always told me that he was a little into drugs, and she thinks had an affair with another woman. He was always a great Dad to my brother and I, whenever we spent time with him he always made it fun for us. Im 18 now, and legally I can find him if I wanted to. I looked him up, and he lives like 5 minutes away from me! I just dont know if I should try to meet him or not. What if he is still into drugs? What if he wants to see me? I live on my own now, and feel like I want to do this. I have an older half brother who I would take with me to meet him.( half brother still spends time with him) I also since then have a stepdad who "adopted" me as his own, i dont want to hurt him by this
2007-03-23 05:47:00 · 12 answers · asked by shelb 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am in the exact situation as you except I have never met mine. I have a loving brother and an even more loving stepdad whom I fear may resent the idea. Because of this I deduced that contacting him would cause nothing but pain to my family and therefore opted not to. I am however, just like you, in contact with half brothers and half sisters.
During the past couple weeks I had received a phone call that he had passed away. With no information on how to validate it and the only number I know being cancelled, I came down to the realization that my dad had died and I missed out. Regrets. A lot of it.
Couple days ago my half sister called to confirm he has not passed and gave me another contact number. I asked, should I contact him now or should I not? My husband said "You thought he died and you had issues with it. You have been given a chance to get to know this man, to find out who he is and his side of the story, contact him."
I am not getting in touch to build a relationship. I will never (or even think to) replace what my step dad has done for me all these years (22 to be exact). How I feel for my other siblings will never compare to how much I love my brother. I will always honor my mom for raising me without help from my dad (who by the way never offered to).
However, I do believe we should connect just to fill that small space in my life where he could have been.
2007-03-23 07:56:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your Stepfather is as great as you say, he'll probably endorse you going to see your bio Dad.
You might ask the half brother who still sees him to act as a go between and find out if your bio Dad would want to see you?
I wouldn't get my hopes up for a long term fulfilling relationship, however, you might find some satisfaction in seeng him again.
If he's reluctant, don't press the situation. You've evidently done well this far, and should continue to whether he wants to be part of your life or not.
Good luck.
2007-03-23 05:58:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have a good attitude about both your parents, and it looks like you've forgiven your father for leaving. That is a very difficult task for anyone!
If you feel you'd like to talk with your father, that is your choice. I don't see why it would "hurt" your stepfather because you are curious about your biological father.
You are only human, and we all have feelings and needs. Perhaps you need to find out what kind of person your father is, and see for yourself?
i hope things work out for you. take good care!
2007-03-23 05:54:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel you want to meet him do it. But please tell your adopted dad befor you do it. I have an adopted daughter and she felt exactly the same way, I wasnt at all hurt or offended when she told me she wanted to meet him, of course, she was sure to let me know that I was and always would be her "real" dad.
2007-03-23 05:51:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk it through with your mother. She might be okay with it in which case it makes life that much easier. It's quite understandable that you should want to meet him. And why not?
It's a pity he gave up his rights to you but he might regret it. You should point out that you know where your loyalties lie and how much you appreciate your mother and stepfather for all they've done.
2007-03-23 06:15:12 · answer #5 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really dont think that your stepdad would feel bad, I mean he knows that you have a biological father. what do you really want to do, do you want to meet him? I say go ahead, only when you see him all those unanswered questions will be answered. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-03-23 05:51:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to the stepbrother and find out what he is like. Then go meet him and judge him for yourself. take someone with you just in case. If you dont like him after you meet him you never have to see him again.
Good luck.
2007-03-23 05:50:58 · answer #7 · answered by Worried wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I reccomend this. I think its a good idea. I lost my father when i was six, and I wish I had the chance that you have. Even if you don't get along with him and never contact him again, i think you owe it to yourself to visit him.
2007-03-23 05:51:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's probably nothing bad with seeing him, just take someone along with you.
Your step dad loves you, since he adopted you as his own, he'll understand.
2007-03-23 06:54:02 · answer #9 · answered by jimmideon49 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i say go for it. i got to meet my bio. dad when i was 11. we are the best of friends right today. you'll learn about his side of the family and they will grow to love you too
2007-03-23 06:08:27 · answer #10 · answered by sexie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋