How can a person trust and turn to God for comfort when He takes away the people we love?

Question

Last May, my mom went into the hospital for congestive heart failure. I called my husband to tell him because I was scared and he said that everything would be alright and she would be fine. In June, my husband passed away suddenly and unexpected from heart failure. One of the things that helped me to get through the grief was that God took my husband instead of my mother and that He has a plan and I have to trust this plan. Well, yesterday which would have been the 27th anniversary of our wedding, my mother died. I can't believe this and I am angry with God because He is taking away everybody I leaned on and the only people I leaned on on this earth and now there is no person. How can I lean on God for comfort when He is the one who took them? I did that and now this? I don't want to feel and love because it can be taken away and this is just too painful. My oldest daughter begged me to never leave them and made me promise and I had to and I knew it was a lie but I don't know.

Answer 1

...My sympathies to you. I have felt angry at God sometimes after my loved ones passed. It was very hard for me when my dad died. It took me a couple of years to get over it and start being the husband and father I needed to be.
...How could you not lean on God now? He understands your hurts, your feelings, and He dearly loves you. I learned that I needed to love God, look to Him, and understand that He is really the only one I can really count on - He is the only one who can say and mean, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you."
...When our loved ones die, it also makes Heaven so sweet, knowing that I will see Dad again one day.
...Please take plenty of time to grieve and cry - I think most need to do that. I think some Christians feel they should force out smiles when they are hurting - I don't happen to think so. Personalities are different, some are more stoic, and some are more emotional - I know of no guideline in Scripture for how long one should grieve, but they did take time to grieve, i.e., after Moses died.
...Last, trust God. He is worthy of our trust.

Answer 2

I'm sorry for what you're going through. And I think it's a mistake for people to say things like "God took him." It's intended to be comforting, but it isn't scriptural, and obviously it isn't comforting to you, either. People say things -- they don't necessarily understand what they're talking about. In my opinion God DOES take some people, but most of the time it's semi-random. Things are set up in a certain way by the random forces of nature, and that's just the way they're going to go down. God could stop it, but mostly He works within this framework. He has an ultimate master plan and He works around the forces of chaos, destroying them as He does so. Your dad will be okay, and so will you. It's horribly, awfully painful right now, and so very hard for you. But it will make you stronger and more mature and God will work these things together for your good despite the pain you're feeling now. We all go through painful events -- very painful events. This is a part of our maturing process. It's part of what makes us fully human, compassionate toward others, and yes, strong. Have you ever read a book, watched a movie, where the hero never suffers? There's a reason for this. You can't become a hero unless you've suffered. You remain a shallow, self-centered, clueless twit if you never suffer. You may be a nice person, but you'll be useless. God intends that His daughters and sons be heroes -- all of us. He isn't afraid to allow temporary pain in order to further His plans for our lives, and He doesn't care if we're okay with being shallow and happy. He ISN'T okay with that, and He won't let us stay there. So . . . you will suffer, and I'm sorry for your pain. I pray that Father will comfort you. But it isn't the end of the road for you. Things will get better and if you submit to the guidance of the Holy Spirit in this, you will also get better. You will mature and become a more complete person. God knows what we need, and He brings that to us even in the midst of terrible suffering. He will be with you.

Answer 3

Hon, with all due respect, everyone dies eventually. God doesn't take them away to punish you.Obviously your husband has heart problems, high cholesterol?, blocked artery? weak heart muscles? Every day thousands and thousands of people on this planet die unexpectedly with an illness that they never knew they had. No symptoms. We aren't see thru so we can't see our insides to see if they are healthy or not. Some wasn't right with his heart and it couldn't continue to work. I'm sorry for your lose.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. But you already last year that her heart was sick. You said you are angry at God for taking all the people that you loved and leaned on. Maybe you should have been leaning on God instead of these people. If you love and trust God and just hand your life to Him, when things like this happen, you won't be pissed at him for it. You will mourn your loss, pray for their souls to be in Heaven, understand that their hearts were weak, and pray to God that you can move on. I don't know how old your daughters are but you need to tell them that everything comes from God, lives here and dies and goes back to God. So their dad and grandma are together in Heaven with God watching over them. Their guardian angel possibly.

God's use to people being angry with Him when things happen to them. But we honestly have to look at our lives. Are we leaning on Him continuosly or only when we don't understand what's happening?

God bless you and your family. May He open your heart, eyes and ears to His voice and may you hear Him answering you. May your husband and mother rest in peace and may the good Lord's perpetual light shine upon them. Amen.

Answer 4

I am so sorry to hear of your hurt and turmoil. It is hard to see the good in some of the things that we see happening in our world today. It is often even harder to see that God did not take them. They are living out the result of our free choice to go against God's will. That happened, from a Biblical standpoint, when Eve and Adam ate from a fruit tree that they were told not to eat from. Now we reap the benefits of that choice that they made.

God takes them? Well, we have a hard time thinking otherwise. It's hard to accept that our loved ones may have died because of what humans did long ago. There is one comfort in that situation. God did not change his mind and take that free choice away from us when we went against him. We still have that free choice.

One of the choices we still have is to get angry with God and tell him so. That sometimes helps. God can handle it too. He understands the anger and hurt we feel and will allow us to vent at him. So, go ahead and yell at him if you need to.

God has also given you family and friends to lean on. He is there in them just as he said he would be. Lean on them. They want you to. They need you to. They have a need to help as much as you have a need for help. Let them give to you.

I know that what I've said may not be of great help but it is what I have to offer you.

Kev

Kev

Answer 5

God doesn't "take" people away...He welcomes them Home. God isn't trying to take people out of your life....You can lean on God because He promised to never leave you or forsake you. One year I had 6 friends in the same year go Home to be with the Lord. It's hard. But you will come through it. Grief needs to run it's course and can take 3 to 5 years for you to get through it. Remember you're not alone. God will comfort you and give you peace if you just lean on Him. Remember the light at the end of the tunnel is the Lord waiting for you not a train comming at you.

Answer 6

God does have a plan. And it is a plan that is full of love. God's love for us is far greater than we can have for one another. You loved your husband and mother, but God loves them more. And he loves you too. And that love extends to all the billions of people who have ever existed on this earth.

I'm sure you know this, and have heard it before. In the grief of our loss, it is hard to accept this.

But we also have to remember that this physical life was never intended to be permanent. As God's Word says, "...it is appointed for men to die once,..." But that is not the end. Hope, and God's love for us is not lost.

Job knew that God desires that we live with him forever (He asked rhetorically, "If a man dies, shall he live again? All the days of my hard service I will wait, till my change comes. You [God] shall call, and I will answer You; You shall desire the work of Your hands" -- Job 14:14-15).

The psalmist reports, "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints" (Psalms 116:15)

In the death of our loved ones, we can, and must, look forward to the time when we will see them again in God's Kingdom, where we will never die again.

The Apostle Paul also taught the saints that our grief for the loss of our loved ones, though real and certainly not wrong, should not be like the grief of those who do not know and trust in God.

"But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep [died in the flesh], that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope" (1 Thessalonians 4:13).

For a Christian knows that there is a bright future for all who obey and trust in God.

"But as it is written: 'Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him' " (1 Corinthians 2:9).

Would you keep your loved ones from such a great future? And will you deny it to yourself by not loving and feeling? We are here in this temporary dwelling so that we may learn to love,... everyone and at all times. Don't throw away your chance to see your loved ones again. Learn to love with the love of God. Learn to love God first, and then also all of his creation.

I too have lost my Mother, Grandmother, and Aunt, all of whom I loved dearly. And daily I watch my Father waste away before my eyes. I know what you are going through. But I look to and trust in God's love and plan for us, and it is good and will last forever.

Answer 7

I'm sorry for your loss. But you need to understand. That if God does have a plan for you. Then maybe you should, consider, that times are going to get harder for you.
And, now is when you should turn to God. And have him strengthen you. Because, there are probably, a lot more pain, and suffering you will have to endure..
And look at it this way. If you trust God as you say. then Trust him. And ask him for guidance. And to help you in your everyday life.
Don't stop believing. Just because, nothing but sadness is about. Look at it as a learning experience. To deal with your children's own pain, and sadness.
Help them make it. And they will help you. You should of not promised, them you wouldn't leave them.
Because, when you are gone. it will hurt them more. Maybe you should of said.
As long as you are needed, you won't leave them.

Answer 8

Even the same thing was experienced by me when my grandmother passed away due to cancer and within a week's time my uncle also passed away. I also felt the same thing at that time. Every, now and then I used to think about my Uncle and grandmother and questioned myself, Why it all happened?It took me a long time to come to terms that they are not with me anymore. But live has to go on. And now I have realised the truth the ultimate truth that is Human Body is made of five elements and ultimately all us have to go one day or another. But one has to live and move on in the life because that's only mantra of life. It goes on no matter whatever come in your life. So try to forget everything and move ahead in your life.

Answer 9

First of all sorry to hear about your family and another thing you need to take back been angry with God that is one person you do not want to be angry with. Death is natural and suppose to happen and everything happens for a reason. Not only that God knows what He is doing. He is a man that does NOT makes mistakes. Continue to seek the Lord for comfort and He will direct you in the right direction and later on you will began to see why He did what He did. His ways are not our ways nor His thoughts our thoughts. Sometimes it takes Him to do things like this for us to get closer to Him. it is like He is saying " I AM GOD" meaning He can do any and everything He want to do.

Answer 10

First, I'm really really sorry for all you've gone through. I lost my mother several years ago, so I understand how it hurts.

But it is my belief that God is not taking anyone away from you. This is life happening. Our human bodies are susceptible to disease and injury, and sometimes death is the result.

It is also my belief that our soul does not die when the body dies. Rather, we return to God, to a place of love and peace. It was that thought that gave me strength when my mother died, and when I've lost others dear to me, too.

Your anger and hurt are understandable. Please give yourself some time to grieve. Take comfort in your children, and please realize that you are strong enough to carry forward from here. I wish there was something I could do to help you, other than to say stay strong, and it will get better.