my boyfriend and I fight a lot. in my mind, he manipulates things and has to get the last word in the argument, no matter what the cost.
because he has to get the last word in, he has ended up saying some pretty cruel things to me in the past. He has called me several nasty names (terms you should NEVER call a woman) and on 3 occasions he has made the comment about how he is trying to push me away, get me to leave him, or how the relationship was all a joke, he was just playin
everytime he comes back and apologizes, saying he just said those in anger.
How would you deal with your sig. other telling you the relationship was a joke? even if it is in anger, still hurts
does he mean it or is he just trying to hurt me?
anyhow i am loosing ALL Desire to be intimate with him, as you can imagine. how do we bring the passion back>
2007-03-23 05:30:28 · 15 answers · asked by looking_4_peanuts 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he has to change his ways, else he's bound to lose you for ever :)
2007-03-23 05:37:04 · answer #1 · answered by Sahar 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Too me he might be bi-polar or has an anger issue. Not saying that he does but something is up with him.
I think I would get out of this relationship. You guys really don't have a relationship anymore. He is just going to keep emotionally abusing you. I would just leave him. You don't need to be in a relationship with a person that calls you names and makes you try to leave him.
You are much better off without him.
If you really love him and want to stay with him then you two need to talk and tell him how when he says certain things it hurts you and ask him if he does really think that this relationship is a joke.
2007-03-23 12:36:06 · answer #2 · answered by Ashley 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your instincts are correct. You don't feel like being intimate with him because is he not worthy of you.
Don't let your rationale confuse your common sense. He is very, very, very bad news.
There is not a man on this planet who is unkind, cruel and hurtful to the one he loves. That's not love in any interpretation.
You can't mistake love: the words--are loving, as is everything else about the relationship. that does not sound like what you have here.
Who says this stuff to his girlfriend?
And as for you, who wants to be manipulated, unsure of whether he meant it or not? Who wants to hear ugly things spoken to them? Who want s to hear that your relationship was just a joke? And, most specifically, who wants to be called names a woman shouldn't be called?
His apologies are great, but much like repeat offenders, if he was sincerely sorry, he would have stopped.
You already know what you should do, but in case you can't bring yourself to acknowlege what is right in front of you...it's time to pack up your love and affection AND intimacy, and take it to someone who really loves you. This person will be someone who values you, as a person, as a woman, and as a companion--intimate or not.
Also, you should value yourself more than this. Someplace there is a person who will speak to you as if you were the most treasured thing in the world. Words of love, of longterm committment, of respect. He may get angry from time to time, but he should have a way to release or diffuse his anger without verbally beating you up. I hope you find each other one day.
In the meantime, the decision is yours. Do what you think is best for you, regardless of what we say. I hope you make the right decision, the one you won't regret.
God bless you.
Hope this helps!
2007-03-24 14:24:04 · answer #3 · answered by 1985 & going strong 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the thin end of the wedge, I am sorry to say, you can't stop anyone being abusive, that has to come from within them, having "been there, done that" I can honestly say it will probably get worse rather than better, and I would advise breaking the relationship now, far better to suffer a broken heart than a broken neck (or any other bone in your body) Broken bones are far more painful than a broken heart.
2007-03-23 12:38:17 · answer #4 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, wake up! This is a dysfunctional relationship that has no chance of improving, first come the insults, then come the bruises! Leave him now before any babies come along and you'll have to have him in your life forever. It's hard, but be strong and don't answer his calls, avoid him at all costs and don't let him intimidate you or sweettalk you into giving him another chance. I went through this before, and when I finally got rid of him, it seemed like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. No sex is that good.
2007-03-23 12:38:04 · answer #5 · answered by ilovethe90s 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, that's called verbal abuse and the wounds are just as real as physical abuse, only they take longer to heal because in order to heal, you have to replant a new thought system that allows you to believe contrary to the mean, cruel, demeaning things that were forced inside your mind about you.
A bruise heals over a short time, but mental abuse can change your feelings about yourself for the worse and it can take a lifetime to turn that around.
2007-03-23 12:37:36 · answer #6 · answered by cami 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I went from an "abusive step-mother" to abusive husbands, all of my life, abused!! Until I got the backbone to leave and devorce my last husband!! And believe me he still want's me back, but it will be a "Cold Day in Heck!!" Before I ever go back to him!! I honestly dont know how to pick them, and I was verbally and physically abused too, so I know exactly what your going through, hun!! You need to get up the back bone to leave, no matter how trapped you feel, or how great the sex is, you deserve BETTER!!! No woman should have to go through what we've gone through!! If you need someone to talk too, I can try to help you to get out, by looking for shelter's or anything to help, if you want me too.. Just email me, at christyhorn@npgcable.com, and I'll try to do the "Very Best, I can to get you out of there, okay!" But you have to decide, if this is worth staying or not.. I cant make that decision for you.. You have to be good and sick of all of this bad enough to want out, hun!! Or no one can help you, you know.. Its only going to get worse, before it gets better, trust me on this one, and if you think for one minute you can change him, your only dreaming!!! Email me, hun....And I'll see what I can do too help you okay.. Smile, there's only the rest of your life with "Sunny Days, ahead to look forward too!!" Should you make the right choice!!!
2007-03-23 12:41:58 · answer #7 · answered by Hmg♥Brd 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there was never any passion to begin with. If it was a real relationship and he says he loves u than you have to know he doesnt, not if he can look you in the eye and say those things to you. that should tell you something. I couldnt even begin to think about stricking a passion with him.
2007-03-23 12:38:17 · answer #8 · answered by jesakah_myers 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical and eventually will leave you just as scarred .Don't take him back at all , it is just one step more to the physical abuse starting as well. If your looking to change him , that probably won't happen . If he wanted to change he would've already.As for you please talk to someone who is a pro at dealing with the emotionally abused , because without knowing it you may be doing him and you more damage by your taking him back and putting up with his destructive behavior. Wishing you all the luck and wisdom of the ages to deal with this before it's a much worse situation.
2007-03-23 12:44:45 · answer #9 · answered by timothy j 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it starts with verbal abuse. when that stops working to scare and control you, it will evolve into physical abuse. if you want to end up in a battered womens shelter, by all means keep accepting his appolgies and taking him back. other wise you should run away from him as quickly as possible. if he treats you that way now, imagine 5 or 10 years down the road.
2007-03-23 12:40:47 · answer #10 · answered by mcfly_lives 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wake up girl.
He's told you what's going on. Move On! Because he will very soon. There is no passion to bring back.
Don't let yourself down by letting him belittle you.
Stand Up for yourself. If he is such a fool then you Move On and get yourself under control so you can meet a man that will respect you.
2007-03-23 12:41:31 · answer #11 · answered by RodneyOZ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋