there's a guy who i may start dating soon but he has a baby. the baby is 15 months old. he has full custody of his lil girl, which is a good thing, because he is a good dad & very responsible. i don't have kids and ni don't hate kids or anything but i know from experience that guys who have children always have some kinda DRAMA in their life - either with the baby's mom or just dealing with the responsibility of having a child altogether. the expense - he isn't able to spend as much or much at ALL to go out on dates, and then he has to be home by a certain time because he has to pick the baby up from the babysitter's. there's also the thing of if i visit him at home i have to deal with him tending to his baby while i'm there. i'm not selfish or anything but i just don't think i want to deal with this situation because it's too much going on. am i wrong for not wanting to get involved with him because he has a kid?
2007-03-23 05:26:41 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Look, you must make the choices which are right for you. Even if your reasons are selfish (and I'm not saying they are), they are your reasons. Just as much as you would prefer to date someone who is freer to devote time to building your relationship as a couple, he needs someone in his life who will be enthusiastic about his child and all that necessarily goes along with that.
2007-03-23 05:34:11 · answer #1 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you're wrong. You are perceptive about what dating him will entail. You are also honest about what you want.
Frankly, I don't understand why some people say you "should" date him just because he is a great dad. Props to him for taking care of his children, but that doesn't entitle him to a date!
If this guy has any brains, he'll know that dating will be difficult (for the reasons you listed). As I see it, you can have an honest talk with him and give the relationship a try, or you can walk away. Either choice is 100% valid. Do not let anyone guilt you with "you should" or "you're selfish." Your feelings are the only ones that matter here.
2007-03-23 13:26:37 · answer #2 · answered by Winnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends on what type of person you are. i recently went thru the same thing. i was seeing this girl who had a 20 month old and it was hard because she worked 4 days out of the week until about 3 or 4 in the morning. i hardly saw her but i liked her so much that i made an effort. i'd stay at her house, sleep until she got home, stayed up for an hour or so with her, and we grew together. she saw my efforts as something really nice and not selfish at all. visiting and having him tend to the baby should not be a burden to you. he has responsibilities, yes, but that doesn't mean that if the two of you really like each other, it can't work out. if you really care about him and vice versa, you'll find a way. don't use his child as an excuse. you could be missing out.
2007-03-23 12:39:57 · answer #3 · answered by alice_aires 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to achieve an answer, you have to ask yourself a couple of questions... Do you want to be a mom? Depending on the kid and how they develop will you be able to adjust? Because as the child gets older it only gets harder, you will one day have to explain that you are not their mother. And they will then have to re-decide to accept you. On one hand, life is short, go now before it is too late and you are too attached. Or consider that the child's life (with your guidance) is worth the time, fun, and sanity you will lose. But either way be sure, if you want to be a mom, then be a mom. If not talk about it; get it out! Because i myself did not commit to my "adopted" son until recently, and the time it took to admitt my entrapment was very uncomfortable. You will always argue with yourself about leaving, you will never look down and see YOUR child's eye's, but if you choose you could also end up being very happy
2007-03-23 12:45:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that you already know the answer.
If you are having these kind of thoughts now then maybe deep inside you are not interested in a ready made family.
You must understand that just because someone has a child with somebody they are not involved with anymore (male or female,) it doesn`t mean they are not willing to try again.
Also, you say he looks after his child well from the sound of it, that to me is an indication that he is probably a loving caring person who is trying to balance his life and put his child first.
He may have drama with his child's mother, but don`t give him any more drama if you are not sure that this is what you want, its not fair to him or his child.
If you decide that you are ready for this then good, go for it but you have to accept them both as one.
I hope you figure out what it is you really want, I wish you luck.
2007-03-23 12:40:00 · answer #5 · answered by Archie. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That decision is totally up for u to decide. If your not ready for it then dont date him because not only r u dating him but your now a part of that lil girls life. So what ever you do to him u do to her too...But think about this how would u feel if u were a single mother and a man did not want to date u because u could not focus ur full attention on him? personally i think ur a lil selfish...u cant be pampered all the time
2007-03-23 12:33:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I think you might be feeling bad because he is probably a really nice sweet guy. But you know what you want. When you lay it out the way you just did. Is this the life you want for yourself? For some they can handle it. Being second is okay for them. For others, it's a lot to deal with when your first dating. In this case. .I would say think of what you want for your life and your future. Good luck to you
2007-03-23 12:58:44 · answer #7 · answered by Shy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh-WOW!!! I can't believe that you have this great guy sitting right in your lap and you don't even see it!!! Are you BLIND?? A man that will love and take care of his children is a man you should stick with. They are hard to find and sometimes even harder to hold on to.
This man obviously loves his child.......you either have to accept the fact that his life does not revolve around you or you need to let him go so he can find a woman that appreciates children and family relationships. By what you have written here you are selfish. "Drama" as you call it comes with life.
My advice.......that's a good man, you should grow up and hold on to him for dear life.
2007-03-23 12:51:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well u have to understand that he has a big responsibilty...BIGGER THAN U!! If u can't deal with it then leave....me personally I am a single mom so I can see where he is coming from. I have 1 kid also & I am going thru the same thing. He needs someone who understands & obviously u don't... to me a man taking care of his kid is sexy!!
That's his baby gurl & she'll always be his #1 gurl so either get over it or get lost! I think u should move on.
2007-03-23 12:35:22 · answer #9 · answered by Lovely Cappy Girl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
thinku have made up ur mind already dont do him a disservice by stayin when u feel this way u know hes a package deal and bravo to him for taking his child and raising her he gets 1000 stars in my book and hes a real man
2007-03-23 12:31:53 · answer #10 · answered by mmbmw2000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋