what can i do pls help me?

Question

Hi, i am 21 yrs old and have my rented 3 bed semi with my feaince and we are expecting our 1st boy in june. since i became pregnant i have been a complete ***** with my partner. B 4 i met him i was in a horrible relationship with a lad for 4 yrs who cheated on me physically and mentally tortured me untill i became strong enought to leave. i never felt in controll of the realatioonship with him and i am scared tht i am turning out like him! i would never harm n e 1 and would give everything i have to my partner and n e 1 who needs it. i have started really losing my temper which i have never had feelings like these before in my life. i can be stood in the kitchen 1 minute making a brew and the next i will see a crumb on the top or something and wil flip and balme it all on my parner. he aslo trys his hardest to stay away from me wen i start but i cannot just leave arguments i have to ge it out. i cant keep doin this we are going to be parents and i love him pls give e sum advice thanx

and i have allready told midwife and doc and im being reffered to a midwife tht deals with mums 2 b with problems like mine.
thank you 4 all your answers x

he knows about the past but says hes not my ex! and i cannot wait until baby is here i feel it will give me something to focus my life on. x

and im 28 wks preg!
gonna ring him now at wrk and say sorry coz hes gone an hour early to get away from me! thank you so much you are all so helpfull i have calmed down now :)

Answer 1

don't worry about it i was exactly the same with all three of mine, it will pass, that is how my partner knew i was pregnant with the last one, by how moody i was, mine passed after the first three months but everyone is different, if your partner loves you, which I'm sure he does, he will put up with it, it's only nine months out of the rest of your lives with a beautiful little boy, it will be well worth it believe me♥

Answer 2

Oh have no worries I was a complete physco during my pregnancy! If you can admit then thats the first step. The fact that you can realize when its happening is the next. I sat down with my husband and told him exactly how i felt...i felt that i coudlnt control my emotions sometimes but that i knew it was happening as well...kind of confusing but, to say the least it helped. We decided that when i got a little overboard i would either tell him to leave for a little bit or he would tell me i was going overboard and he would leave. The time alone lets you figure things out, scream, cry, be over emotional and come back calm without your partner having to go through the whirlwind with you! My husband also felt very un-useful (if thats a word) he didnt know what he could do when id cry over the toilet being left up! Just TALK let him know everything you feeling, even if its bad...the "im not trying to make you upset but this is how i feel..." is how alot of our conversations started. Anyway, good luck! Congrats! and just talk about everything! also try reading men are from mars women are from venus has some great tips in there!

Answer 3

dont worry. it is just a play of hormones. at this time, women get emotionally excited very easily. it is indeed nice to know that u have acknowledged this proble of yours. now it will be easier for u to fight it. perhaps, every mother and baby care magazine might hav told u that any emotion experienced by the mother will have its effect on the unborn child too. so doctors always advice pregnant women not to get mental tension or strong emotions like anger, hatred etc as it can affect the health of the baby. now that u r pregnant, tension is the last thing u need. resolve urself to curb ur anger, for the sake of ur baby. think of all the happiness he will bring u. u neednt think of ur past experiences. anyways u have found a very good partner in ur fiance.tell him how much u love hi, how hurt u r abt ur old relationship and how u looki forward to a brilliant future with ur partner by ur side. u can ask him to help u get over the problem. u can always seek professional help. remember, ur boy needs a happy family to grow up in. and u r the only one who can provide that. all the best to u. congrats!!!!

Answer 4

Your hormones will die down after three months (I'm pregnant too) I was a complete nightmare at first but you can't blame everything on hormones. If you went into this relationship straight away after your last one then you will be carrying alot of those problems and baggage with you. You needed time to get rid of them and just be you for a time first. If i were you, i would talk to him and see a doctor together, if he wants this sorted then he'll go with you. Good luck.

Answer 5

You are going through a stressfull time because you are pregnant. Everything seems daunting and you probably feel you are losing control of your life. You probably don't feel secure because you are renting a property. Don't worry you will feel better once the baby has arrived and everything will fall into place - believe me you won't have time to worry about crumbs!!! I have been married for 14 years and I have three great kids and another on the way - I love my husband loads but I still get angry with him - we wouldn't be human if we didn't lose it sometimes - Life will be great for you once that little baby arrives and everything will fall into place - Good luck and be happy......

Answer 6

U have been thro a lot in a just a few short years ... but i feel i should point out that us women are complete b*tches when pregnant so don't feel so bad ...

If things don't get any better or get worse after u have had the baby then i would seek some professional advice ... does your current partner know about your past ? can u tell him how u are feeling ? It might help ...
good luck xox

Answer 7

As already suggested it im very likely to be a combination of hormones and perhaps some feelings about the pregnancy, it is a huge change in your life and understanbly you may well be feeling a little nrevous.
Talk to your midwife and see what she suggests and explain to your boyfriend so he can try and understand how you are feeling.

Answer 8

It's your hormones. Friend of mine turned into the Acid B*tch Queen when she was pregnant - honestly, I couldn't bear to be around her for more than an hour at a time, it was exhausting listening to her rant and rave about everything. Try breathing exercises so your blood pressure doesn't go through the roof.

P.S you will return to normal after the birth.

Best wishes

D.
X

Answer 9

I too was like you with my first pregnancy. n it continued after the birth coz i didnt see anyone about it. I c looking back now i should of told doc bout it and nipped it in bud. turned out i had pre natal depression which turned into post natal depression. please seek advice from doc or midwife asap. not a nice thing to live with. once youve sought help you will start to feel alot better and you will enjoy your partner pregnancy and baby when he or she comes. its a wonderful life experience. Take care. and good luck

Answer 10

Ur body goes through many mood swings. Ur happy then u r balling like a baby. Just let him know that it is not against him but u r going through so many changes mentally and phiscally and that u love him and to be patient with u.

Answer 11

I can certainly relate to you here! The only thing different is that I only lost my temper once with my fiance and that was enough for me to learn how to bite my tongue because I did NOT want to be immature and sabotage the good thing that I was so lucky to have while I was pregnant. (Or else my fiance at the time became very careful of what he said) I assure you that if you are anything like me, you have problems with trust and feel very insecure about things because of your past relationship. If you have a lot of anger in you, it is either from your hormones or because of something festering that you are unhappy or unresolved about. I am guessing that the pregnancy was not planned for you? Perhaps there could be some resentment or issues that you are needing to face? You are under a lot of pressure as your new one arrives and you are having to cope and learn sooo much right now. There is a LOT on your shoulders and your fiance needs to be very supportive, but you also need to be understanding of his situation too. He is probably very scared also not knowing what to say or do and feeling helpless for your situation. If you cant bite your tongue easily, perhaps try to write about it instead to get your feelings out. It can be good to keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings and reactions. Sometimes this helps you to think before you speak so you dont regret blowing anything out of proportion. Maybe try taking a day or two to think about the subject that is bothering you and re evaluate it once you have cooled down. Also consider the amount of sleep you are getting. I know sleep is VERY important when you are pregnant and try to get in naps too! I get much more grumpy with lack of sleep, and as pregnancy continues you will get uncomfortable and it will be harder to sleep. I suggest trying to find some pregnancy groups in your area so you can talk to others going through this too. Find some positive role models also who you can learn from. Take parenting classes and seek any advice you can get for a first time mom. You can never have too much info on relationships or parenting. Hormones can be awful and affect so much from your temper, looks, hair, weight, sex drive and energy levels. You already know that you are over reacting to strange things so it might be worth talking to your doctor about just to make sure they evaluate you for post partum depression after baby comes. There are a lot of huge changes for you right now but coming from someone who has been with a guy who was also a cheater and mental abuser, I have gotten through it. I still have my struggles and my challenges but I know that becomming a mother was very scary for me at first but it ended up being the best thing for me! It has taught me to be more patient and loving and caring in many ways. I am now happily married with four kids!! Also, one last peice of advice....dont rush to get married just because you are pregnant. You will learn a lot more about your fiance when he becomes a dad! I really fell in love with my fiance after we became parents together. Seeing what a great father he was gave me so much more security that told me I was where I was suppose to be in life. Good Luck to you!