Time out or Time up?

Question

What's a better way to handle a child, Time Out, or a Spanking?

I am so sick of these parent 's coming on talk shows crying because they can't control their kids. Being a parent can be challenging I agree, but I think its time to lay out the BELT when your child is slaping, and punching you. I wasn't abused, but I did get spankings and I have to say I don't regret it. I respect my parents, always have. I wish I woulda called my mom a B-word...I would be wearing false teeth right now.

Answer 1

As much as I agree with you, there are still going to be those who scream "Child abuse!" when it comes to spanking their kids. I find amusement out of those talk shows. Those kids come out saying "Shut the f*** up! You don't know me!" and I know that I wouldn't get past the f word infront of my dad before I got all my teeth knocked out. I was spanked also, and I have never called my dad a b**** or anything. And I'm not scared of him or afraid of him. I even told him all about when I tried smoking. (Which was disgusting by the way) I tell him everything. So I laugh at all the people who say spanking leads to you fearing and being sneaky to your parents. I think they just make up stuff to make it look bad.

I was given about 2 time outs in my life. Both time, I thought of them as a joke and I laughed. I stayed there, but I didn't get anything out of it because it was like 5 minutes. What is a child going to get out of a few minute time out?

I was also spanked about three or four times in my whole life. And I have never been in trouble at school. Never been suspended. Never cussed my teachers out. Never been in a fist fight. So where is all this coming when anti spankers says spanking leads to all of that? I was spanked. I'm proof of that all being rubbish.

Answer 2

Gotta say this, not all children respond to the same discipline technique. II was spanked and I'm perfectly fine..."Spare the rod, Spoil the child"(exerp from the good old Bible)
I'm 24 and i have 3 kids.
My almost 5 year old responded better to the spanking: meaning if she got one she knew NEVER to do it again and resulted in a permanent fix in bad behaviour. We do not BEAT my children by the way. A spanking is never to be combined with yelling or pushing around(bullying). Your only asked to spank(1-2 times), let the child sit and think about it(crying is definitely aloud...it hurts!) and after an allotted period of time, talk calmly with your child about the behaviour incident. Let them figure out why it was wrong and what to do next time.
of course there are limits...my almost3 year old doesn't let the spanking phase her. so time outs is what works best. Remember you need to try something longer than a day to see change. Sometimes longer than a week(even 2).

Answer 3

I totally agree with you on that, I don't think spanking is the big deal people make it out to be. I got spankings as well and I was always very respectful. NEVER would I have dreamed of talking back. And my husband got the belt on a daily basis and is a wonderful person and close to his parents.

HOWEVER. My husband and I are in the process of adopting a distant relative. He is only 3 and has been horribly, grossly abused and I absolutely refuse to raise a hand to him. He has been beaten too much already. We have had to find other ways to discipline him and while I was skeptical at first, they really are working. I don't call it time out though. That phrase just gets under my skin.

Answer 4

Well while I have to unofficially agree with you, I really do. The children that I am raising right now are one adopted and one foster, so we are being watched very carefully by the state. But if I was able to have my own children (or when social workers are dropping in every day) spanking would be used, but not for every offense, and not out of my and my husbands anger. It would be used after talking to the child, letting them know what they have done wrong, and letting them know that mommy and daddy love them. There are times for Time Outs, & Time Ins (if you have a child who seems to like to be along give them a time in where they have to be glued to you and do the laundry, dishes, cooking-whatever you are doing), but sometimes a good ol fashion spanking doesn't hurt the child!

Answer 5

I was spanked too, but I was abused as well.

Still I think that spanking, within reason, still works. I have know many little children who have not been spanked, and are real pains in the @ss.

I think that a big part of the problem is the endangered species of real parents is seriously lacking. You can see this on the talk shows with the parents who cannot control their kids, Super Nanny, and Nanny 911. There is no class that teaches how to be parent perfect, but there are parenting classes. With so many young people having kids, they are not qualified to parent their kids. If you are not mature enough yourself, how do you expect to raise a child with any kind of proper values?

Also too many parents use the TV as a babysitter. Too many parents who use a 'hands-off' approach to parenting -- they are never around. Even the kids who are in so many extracurricular activities are suffering. Their parents are using the activities to teach their children, instead of doing it themselves.

My parents were far from perfect, but I was instilled with morals and values. We went to church every weekend. We had chores that we had to do -- or lose privileges. We had restrictions that were set by our ages. (No R rated movies, curfew, staying home alone, etc)

We were grounded, spanked, and sent to our rooms. It taught us limits. We played in games where there were winners and LOSERS. It taught us perseverance and security. We were not paid for our grades, but praised for good work. It taught us the REAL value of hard work. We were taught the facts of life at an early age. It taught us about sex, that it was for marriage, and it was not taboo making it a temptation. We were not restricted from sugar. It taught us the value of proper nutrition.

Parents today forget that THEY are the biggest teachers of their children. It is not up to the schools, TV, coaches, nannies, etc. Teachers have 25 children; (more or less) to take care of and no time to teach about real life. TV is full of sex, drugs, and violence -- even in children's programming. Nannies are only there to care for the children in a parent’s absence. Some may teach educational skills, but not behavior. Coaches are there to take care of the team and just like teachers, they are not there to teach life skills.

Parents need to be parents and then they will not raise little beasts.

Answer 6

You know, I got spanked too and I have never appeared on Jerry Springer or Dr. Phil. But with my son I am finding that a time out works better to change behaviour and attitude. My daughter doesn't respond to time out the same way. My mom thinks that time outs are a waste of time, I disagree with regards to my boy.

The point of discipline is to correct inappropriate behavior and teach the child. The method should be what the child responds to and what will ultimately help him/her.

But yes, you are right! I think that there is a general lack of discipline, lack of respect and lack of family in our society. It's sad.

Answer 7

Personally, I don't think either one work. They both only stop the behavior for the short-term, and spanking/hitting/beating/whacking/what-the-hell-ever a child also instills fear and the idea that it's OKAY TO HIT, as you were apparently taught.

For mine, the punishment generally fits the crime. Loss of privileges and coveted items is huge for my little one, and is very effective. I may call for a time-out, but just to diffuse the situation, and then the real discipline can take place.

She knows the rules, she understands the reasons for the rules, and she understands that if she chooses to disobey the rules, she loses priveleges/freedom. It's kinda like life in that way. Funny, huh?

Answer 8

Even if a kid is hurting you, using a belt is physical abuse and illegal. I generally only spank my kids on the bottom if they are hurting someone or something and don't respond well to time outs. Time outs can be exhausting when parent and child are first using them, but as long as you keep putting the child back into time out without making eye contact or talking to them until they stay in for one minute for each year old they are, they will learn you mean business. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that you won't have to use time out from time to time when they ignore you warnings not to misbehave. But it will be a lot easier when the discipline is consistent.

Answer 9

well i think that its just crazy to put them in time out unless u put them in there for more then 5 minutes because they usually wont learn their lesson. what is warn them with a slap on the hand or a little smack on the behind but if they persist with their behavior than give them a good spanking and once they have calmed down talk to them about y u spanked them and explain that hitting is not ok only mommy and daddy can spank when it is needed... or something along those lines... people need to start young with their children teaching them not to hit or otherwise parents will never have any control

Answer 10

I use time out a lot and take away privileges, I also spank at times but only on the bottom. My children have never attempted to hit me (not yet anyway)