Help! my boyfriends a mummys boy?

Question

me and my boyfriend have been together a yr and are very happy bar one prob.... HIS MOTHER!! She still controls his life, he still lives with her and she hates me. But he is 39, surely she should be letting him go?? I want him to move in with me but shes kicking up a fuss, any suggestions how we can go around this?? My boyfriend wants to live with me but hasnt got hte guts to stick up to his mum. Please help!

Answer 1

I think people are being a bit harsh on this guy. 39 is way to old to be living at home, but is there any reason why he still is at home? You need to sit down and talk to him and explain your concerns, tell him just because hes moving out doesnt mean he'll never see his mum again!! Explain also that his mum wont be there forever and you are prepared to share your life with him if hes gonna be man enough to stand up to her. If she doesnt like you, try asking her why, have a heart to heart with her and explain how much you love her son! I hope it works out for you!
Good luck

Answer 2

Sadly if he is 39 and still living at home, and hasn't had the guts to move out yet, chances are he probably never will.
And if by some miracle he does, do you really want him living with you? Bear in mind his mother has probably done everything for him, and he won't ahve a clue about how to wash, cook, clean anything. He will just expect you to take over where his mother left off, will end up resenting you for not doing it as his mother did and you will never get on with his mother.

Answer 3

Run while you can. I know it sounds negative, but the mother situation will never get better. Women like that need their kids' constant attention and obedience to have any sense of self-worth. They can't stand the fact that another woman is involved in their sons' lives. He hasn't helped the situation by living with her for so long. He is still a baby to her, and he probably enjoys being taken care of like that still instead of doing things for himself. No woman will ever be good enough for her. I had the same situation with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, and my husband was 26 when we married and hadn't lived at home since 19 or 20 and was in the military and away at school, so he was gone most of the time after he moved out anyway. His mother will tell her other kids that he is her favorite. Finally, my husband heard her call me the b**** who stole her son from the family and who took her grandkids from her (we only have one child, by the way). That was it for him. He finally cut her loose. We don't fight anymore. So you can either tough it out for several years or leave. Your choice. Knowing how much my husband was away and how possessive his mom and sister still were makes me pretty sure that your situation will be 100 times worse.

Answer 4

Oh My God - he's 39 and still lives at home. He needs to get a grip. Tell him he can visit her WHENEVER he wants if he moves in with you and tell her the same! Try to be her friend - it's easier that way and I'm sure he would appreciate it if he saw you were making an effort (as hard as it might be). Good luck!

Answer 5

Good heavens, RUN AWAY from this immature guy.

Honestly, why would you want a 39-yr old BOY. He doesn't live at home because his mommy is making him live there. He lives at home because he is not mature enough to be a man.

Even if he does escape her, he'll expect you to become his new mommy. He will never be an equal partner. Please do yourself an enormous favor and find a real man to have a relationship with.

Answer 6

If he hasn't stood up to her by age 39, he probably won't. I have a friend who married a mummys boy. They have 3 kids and her mother in law is constantly trying to control their lives. Nothing she does is good enough for her. You need to have really thick skin and prepare to but heads with her if you do marry him. The only real solution is to have your bf stand up to her and tell her like it is. And he doesn't have to be rude about it either. I don't generally like ultimatums, but this situation may call for one. Otherwise, you may have a lifetime of misery dealing with this woman. Good luck.

Answer 7

I know someone else with exactly the same problem. But, with the slight difference that He doesnt realise theres a problem. In fact he thinks the sun shines out of his mum and dad's arses.
Theres not much you can do, its the parents fault for never letting them grow up, but also, it shows you theres something wrong with the children as well as most people should WANT to be indpendant.
Theres really not that much you can do, theyl never change!
Its gross, I have the "bitty" image in my head every time I meet them!!

Answer 8

he'll go from his mother to his new mother you! do you really want to be doing all his washing, running his bath and be there when he has a cold to wipe his nose? think about this one seriously. it's gonna be hard to break these apron strings - the other hand stick with him if he's 39 she should be about 59 due for retirement stick her in a home forget about her and you get the house!

Answer 9

Two women fighting over a 39 year old, both want to wash his socks and make his tea. Do you seriously want to spend the rest of your life with a jellyfish?

Answer 10

Maybe you need to have a heart to heart with her and get to the root of the problem. Ask her to go out shopping with you one day, women love shopping, she'll relax and let her guard down then you can discuss all the issues.
You also need to explain to your boyfriend how you feel and that if the both of you are to have a future he needs to stop being attached to the apron's strings.