Continued.......?

Question

I woke my husband who called an out of hours Dr, the Dr said "What do you expect me to do? Tell your wife to clean up, fluch the baby down the toilet and go to bed"
I did what I was told as was in a state of shock I went to Dr the next day who hadn't been told of what had happened. I was sent home without further examination. I went back to Dr 2 weeks later cos of bleeding and they sent me to the hospital, they did a scan and asked me if I would like to see my empty womb. I was then told that tests could have been done to try and determine the reason for my loss but only if I had kept my baby.

I feel so unhappy and I don't know how I am ever going to be able to smile again. I can't help but think that if I had argued with the Dr and made him do an examination early on then this pain could all have been spared.
I can't stop crying and to make it all worse I am back at work and having to face a lady everyday who is just a week ahead in her pregnancy than I should be

Help

I want to say thank you to everyone who has replied to me so far.
I really appreciate everyones kind words even I cried through every response.
I will re read your answers when I feel alone.

I also want to reassure everyone who has given an answer or may read my question that what I have said is 100% true and that I would never make up such a thing. You can read past questions from me asking for advice on the bleeding I experienced before I lost my baby.

Thank you everyone

I thought about all the kind words I received and although I feel so sad and heartbroken, I have realised that there are some wonderful people out there who are happy to take time to be kind and considerate to people they don't know.

I have booked myself in for Counselling which I am going to on Friday and I also spent time at the weekend writing a letter to the Head of out Primary Care Trust putting in detail what I have been through.
I have also painted a ceramic pot with the name Squidge which is what I called my baby after my first scan and I am going to plant a yellow rose which is called "Hope"
I also took the time to say hello to my pregnant colleague even though it broke my heart to be up close so I have taken the first steps.

My Mum came on the site to see my question and the advice I was given and like me she cried because most of you were so caring and thoughtful. She said her faith in humanity had been restored.

Thank you all again for helping me on my way
x

Answer 1

I am so sorry for your loss .. that is heartbreaking.
Please, just think about this ..
"Everything happens for a reason."
God has a plan .. that baby has a soul .. and that soul is now living in heaven.
There is a quote in the bible,
"I knew you before I placed you in your mothers womb"
which means the Lord knew that baby's beginning and end, nothing is a surprise to God. NOTHING you could have done would have prevented that baby from passing. You can't spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for not arguing with the doctor.
You have to understand .. that baby most likely had some kind of defect .. and your body rejected it. You cannot blame yourself.
That baby is now in heaven .. and is perfect.
If you've ever had a love one pass .. you can be reassured that the baby is in Heaven with that loved one .. with all of your loved ones who have passed.
My mother had a miscarriage 3 years before I was born. It happend about 4 months after my granmother (my moms mom) passed away. My mom now knows that the child is in heaven with her mother.
PLEASE don't blame yourself. You cannot do that! Please don't. It is NOT your fault .. you did nothing wrong.

I will pray for you ..

May God bless you.

Answer 2

I am so sorry, what you must be going thru, I have no idea. First, I think you need to be fully examined by your doctor and find out if you need a D&C. Unfortunately, since the baby is gone, it can't be examined for possible abnormalities. I also think you need to get some prefessional help. This is a major devastation for you and your husband and you need to heal physically and emotionally. After that, you may want to consider medical malpractice. I have no idea how that would play out and only you can decide this. I think there was some gross negligence on the part of both doctors, but I am not in the legal field. There is a reason why your water broke at 16 weeks and you need to find out why before you get pregnant again so it does not happen later on. Best of luck to you, I am praying for you.

Answer 3

Hi there,

There really isn't a lot that can be done except that you need to allow yourself the time to grieve and feel the way that you do. Losing a baby at any point is totally devastation and I know this from personal experience.

Can you arrange some time off work to stay at home and deal with your feelings and most importantly LET THEM OUT. It is all too easy to dismiss how you feel and for people to tell you to get over things but grief will only come back to haunt you in the future.

I am desperately sorry for what you have gone through but from the medical professions point of view there is so little that they can do.

Perhaps you could light a candle and plant some roses or other flowes in the garden to remember your child by?

In love and light

YM

Answer 4

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I have experienced the same thing only my baby just fell out while I was going to the bathroom so I did just flush it. I would definitely call a lawyer immediatley. First of all it it ILLEGAL for them to give medical advice over the phone. Second, What kind of Dr would have said a thing like that? Did you get the Dr name? I would seriously take legal action against that man! In the end it really doesn't matter why the miscarriage happened just remember it happened for a reason because there was something wrong. Thats what got me through my miscarriage.

Answer 5

No words that anyone will tell you will ever make this better for you. To lose something or someone is one of the hardest things to deal with in life. Morn your baby. Cry your heart out. Remember him or her. In time the pain won't be as bad the memories won't be as clear. Your heart won't break every time you think about it. A song will play that will always remind you of this time in your life. But remember that this happens to a lot of people and they grow and live and so will you. There will be another baby, just give it time. When you are at work celebrate in the fact that your coworker is having a new life grow in her. She probably hurts very much for you, and every thing you went through is scaring her. Look to your husband for love and sadness of what you both have gone through.

You are in my thoughts and in my prayers...

Answer 6

Oh I believe you! last March I found out I was pregnant. Started bleeding 2 weeks after I found out and my Dr. told me that it was jsut a low lying placenta. I even went to the ER and was glad to see my baby moving. 1 day before my 12 week mark (the day before mothers day) I started bleeding very heavy and called my dr. He said to come up and when I got there they ended up inducing me because I was in the process of miscarrying. (I seen my baby moving around on al ultra sound not even 1 week prior to this) So they admitted me into the hospital and when I lost my baby they asked me if I wanted to see it. I was so shocked I said "NO" it was upsetting enough. I really can feel your pain. We are currently trying to get pregnant for our 3rd and final baby. We already have 2 boys 2yr and 5yr and counting that miscarriage I had had 1 prior to that so it is really scary for me. God Bless you and every other person who has gone through this terrible tragedy.

Answer 7

dear god! my mum lost her baby in the middle of the night like u and called the doc out...nicely enuf the doc left the baby on the kitchen side...in a plastic bag. gits huh? this was a good 30 yrs ago tho. anywayz, hunny u need 2 tlk 2 sum1!! tlk 2 me if u wana. im pregnant now, and went to hospital cuz i thought i was in labour on monday, the docs were useless and the internal exam i had nearly made me go in to actual labour! (cow of a doc managed to make me lose best part of my mucus bung, ****). but anyway, this doc who said to flush ur baby away needs his head sorting!! and being stuck off. do not blaim urself k? u were in a state of shock!! when ur in shock u tend to do what 'professionals' tell u 2 do so just don't EVER think ur horrible for doing it k? ahhhhhh, just wana giv u a hug n hit this doc!! and also the idiot who said 'wuld u like 2 c ur empty womb'? i kno why they said that tho. some women will carry on with a fake pregnancy if they don't see soild evidence they've miscarried. i kno u prob saw ur baby, but u were in shock. it is not ur fault u dnt argue with the doc!! the doc's meant to have don his job properly without being asked, let alone without u having to have a go at him!!!

look. if u wana talk, email me ([e-mail]) my names pene by the way. even if you don't want compensation, u need to put a legal complaint in about the treatment u got or some other woman will get the same treatment. if u need help with doing that i'll oblige ok? u need help with anything i'm only a keyboard away!

Answer 8

I would DEFINATELY find another doctor who will work with you. I never went through a miscarriage, but the way this doctor was acting, it sounds like he/she didn't care, and that is not the way doctors are supposed to behave.


If this is truely bothering you and you cannot seem to get over it yourself, go see a therapist. This is a terrible ordeal to go through, and there is no shame in getting some help to deal with a traumatic situation.

Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you!

Answer 9

Sounds really questionable as to whether this so called doctor shoud have a license. I've had 5 miscarriarges and was sent immediately to the emergency room by the doctor each time. If I were you I would talk to a personal injury lawyer if they aren't the right one then call one that deals with medical malpractice.

Answer 10

Make a written complaint to the gp surgery they should know who the out of hours doc is and you should of called an ambulance they would of took you to hospital you have been treated terribley.As for the other person it is not her fault and you must try to be happy for her I know it is hard but keep your chin up and when you are ready try again good luck