parents of sons?? teenage pregnancy?

Question

what do you teach your sons as regards getting a girl pregnant? i know of people who have openly encouraged their teenage sons to impregnate their young girlfriends!!! we had a very heated debate as i thought it was diabolical. i know of others who have no problem with their sons not supporting or seeing their children.i will make sure if any of my sons get a girl pregnant they must do right by her...i dont mean marry, but support the child, be respectful to the mother etc and hopefully be in the childs life. what are your thoughts?

just to add that yes of course abstinance , prevention and protection are vital topics to cover too.. i totally agree...and my sons arent old enough to have sex yet anyway but im trying to raise them with the right morals for when they do. its just that i wonder how many boys are raised to think of the consequences as well as girls

Answer 1

Good for you! Although seeing how teenage pregnancies can ruin lives I'd be more inclined to offer to drive him and his girlfriend to the local clinic (at the point of a gun maybe?), a couple can get over an abortion in far less time than you're stuck with a pregnanacy for and it sure as anything makes you think twice before doing it again.

Answer 2

Sounds like you are on the right track. I agree with some of the others about condom use and being responsible.

Keep in mind that things don't always work out even if you and your son try to do the right thing. I would second the idea that if a pregnancy does happen to get a paternity test.

My son was 19 when his 18 year old girlfriend got pregnant. Both she and her family made it difficult. Our entire family did the best we could to help the young couple. We supported the decisions they made and tried to help.

Things fell apart about a month before the child was born. They didn't tell us she was in labor or anything until the child was a day old. They made it difficult for us to see the child - in their home. We bought baby stuff, diapers, whatever was needed. After about 6 months of trying and being shut out we made the decision to do what we needed but not push to have contact and such. We sent gifts and dropped stuff off every couple of weeks.

When the child was about 9 months old we heard that she might not belong to my son. We decided to ask for a paternity test and it was not my son's child. It has been a mess and took almost 2 years to get resolved.

Answer 3

The people you mention sound really ignorant, like chavs. Some people are so thick. They can't see that getting pregnant at 16 is best avoided; the mother won't reach her full potential, (studies etc.) and no doubt it'll be the State benefit system paying (so that's the rest of us).

I've told my children that sex is only for people who are committed to each other, that it's special, and hope they resist until they're grown up enough to handle any consequences.

I'm not looking forward to when they have sex, but I will probably follow a friend's example and pretend it's not happening for as long as possible! Only when her son had been seeing his girlfriend for some months would she let her share his bedroom.

In my own case, I was terrified of getting pregnant, so much so that I married the wrong person just so it would look OK if I did. I wouldn't want my children to feel that pressure, so would do my absolute best to stress on them the importance of using 'a raincoat', to borrow your other answerer's expression.

Answer 4

Being a middle school teacher, I see all too many children having babies! It is so heart wrenching when you think about a 13 or 14 year old child having to be grown up! I can't imagine how quickly they have to grow up and become adults.... and it is unfortunate that the pregnant teenagers - are not my most responsible students (obviously)!

I am NOT saying that people who get pregnant in their teens are never responsible or good students... however, I am saying that it takes a lot to raise a child when you are a child yourself!

Plus the skills required to take care of a baby and pay for all of the necessities of the little one are not normally readily available for teenagers (especially when my students can drive yet!!!!) The burden often falls on the now grandparents!

Needless to say, I would continue to have open discussions with your son. Make sure he is aware that his decisions have consequences - both good and bad!

Answer 5

Whether you are raising a son or a daughter, I think it is important that you emphasize that sex belongs only in a committed, permanent relationship--i.e. marriage. If your son has no intention of marrying a woman, he shouldn't be having sex with her.

I know that a lot of people think that abstinence is an unrealistic expectation, but frankly, most young people will take their parents' beliefs into account before doing something foolish. You, as the parent, are the standard bearing in your home.

In the event that your son does impregnate a girl, he needs to know he is responsible for supporting that child AND being an active part of that child's life. Children need more than money--they need love and guidance. Is your son ready to give that? He needs to ask himself that question before he makes a baby.

Also, he needs to ask himself if he can stand being with the mother of his child for the rest of his life. Even if they don't marry, he will have to see her for the rest of their lives--even after their child is grown. They may one day have mutual grandchildren!

It sounds like you are doing a good job raising your sons. You are having these kinds of discussions with them. Sadly, so many parents just don't--until it is too late.

Answer 6

Who would openly encourage teenagers to have children? Supporting the child is not an option. The teen father will be required by law to support the child.
My thoughts are that in this day and age their are too many children having children. If every parent of every child, boy or girl, isnt discussing ways to insure not having this nightmare, then they should be punished.

Answer 7

My husband's parents told him that if he ever got a girl pregnant before he was married to her, that he would be disowned from the family, kicked out of the house, and
removed from their will.
My parent's told my brother that if he ever got a girl pregnant before he was married to her, that they'd kick him out, disown him, and never speak to or see him again. My parents told us girls if we ever got pregnant before we were married that
they would do the same thing.
Teenage sex and pregnancy was a very rare thing when I was a teenager probably for that reason.
In fact, most parents didn't even allow girl's to date, or go to parties, or even school functions unchaperoned by a parent
until the girl was out of high school.
I was 19 and in college when I went on my first date alone with a guy.
I've heard of parent's letting 12 year olds date. That's
what I call very bad parenting.
I have 2 toddlers. A boy age 3 and a girl age 2.
They will not date or go on outings unchaperoned until they have graduated from high school.

Answer 8

All young men should be wearing condoms when having sex to avoid getting HIV as well as avoiding pregnancy. You are raising your sons to be responsible men by making them stand by any children that occur, but I would get a paternity test to be sure they are really the father of the child if this happens.

Answer 9

i think ur a good parent! if anyone os big enuf 2 do the deed n get a girl pregnant they suld b big enuf 2 stand by her. if they dnt agree wiv u tell 'em 2 email me. my IDIOT of a boyfriend left me when i got to 6 months pregnant and sex became uncomfortable, now he dnt wana kno until my baby's born and *gasps* i'll b small enuf 4 sex agn! dnt mean he's gettn it tho...gimme a rampent rabbit any time! if they see what leaving a pregnant woman can do to 'em, they'd think twice abt it. trust me. if i knew what wuld have happened i'd have thought twice about keeping my baby. sounds horrible i kno, and i kno when i see her i'll kno i did the right thing, just. seems to have ruined everything.


but tahts another story. carry on being a good mum! i've heard parents saying to the boys to 'sowe the wild oats' n shoutin @ the girls 2 keep their legs closed!!! so 2 faced.

Answer 10

Sounds like you already have the answer,
Do you feel it is OK for your son(s) to be irresponsible...Let them know this.
Let them know what your values are they will abide by them. If not make sure they understand the consequences of not wearing a raincoat but also tell them they shouldn't be out in that weather. Get my drift!