Any single mother's out there that's dating?.....help?

Question

I find it hard to date having a 6 yr old son. For 1 I barely have time or a sitter. I explain my situation to guys when I 1st meet them. I do not want my son in anyway involved w/my dating, meaning...I don't want him seeing different guys.

I share a house w/my mom & her bf b/c the area we live in soooo expensive & I don't want diff men coming over. I do have privacy but it still doesn't feel right. It's frustrating b/c guys will call me to do things at the last min & I can't b/c of my son & they sometimes don't even acknowledge the fact that I do have a son which is a huge responsiblity & he comes 1st. My son is growing up & I don't want him seeing certain things. His father & I aren't together but his dad wants so bad to be with me & my son thinks his dad is the best thing since sliced bread. But his dad is a loser...of course I would never let my son know that. But I just want someone to except me & my son...& to realize that this is a package deal. What should I do??

Answer 1

single mom here. it is tough for the dating single mom. but there are guys out there that will accept you AND your son. if they don't/won't accept him.... well... f*** 'em! your child should be on the top of your priority list rite?
keep shoppin, keep lookin, keep tryin! the rite one will eventually come along.
and yes being a single mom does come with restrictions. not much can really be done about that one.

Answer 2

You can do this! I'm a single mom...my ex left when my son was 6 weeks old. It was difficult to date, but not impossible. I did not allow men to even meet my son unless I dated them for a while and it turned into a real relationship. Kids are so impressionable and really want a family unit like their friends have. It is possible to keep your dating life private from your son.

Ask your son's father to take him overnight every now and then so that you can to get out of the house. Or if you don't feel comfortable see if he has a friend that he can sleep over with every now and then. You don't have to date every single time, but just getting out for a few hours can do you a world of good. When you do date and your son is home, ask the guy to meet you somewhere instead of him picking you up at your house. That way he doesn't see you with the guy.

I feel for you honey, it's not easy, but don't give up hope. You can do this. My son is now 15 and I just remarried in Nov.

Answer 3

Remarriage is hard. And finding the right one is harder. Take your time be patient. Some food for thought. Depending on what you want out of life. Try dating a guy that is not like any guy you ever dated.
I have always wanted a small town life. I got it! Finally after all these years I live in a town that has about 940 people. 2 gas stations. 1 grocery store, small Dr office. You got it its smallsville. But It is heaven. I love it! The only person I need to impress is my old man. That isn't very hard!

Answer 4

I'm a single mother who is passed the dating stage and engaged to be married. My son's father passed away 4yrs ago, when my son was 4- so our situations differ on that note. First off, even if your son's dad is a loser, if he wants to spend time with his son and vice versa of his son, don't interfer with that. You don't have to settle and accept your son's father as your man but your son needs him.

You're seem like a very level headed woman. You have the right mentality of not wanting to expose your son to different guys. So that you know, just because your son physically see a man around, does not mean it's inappropriate. It'd be different if he see you and the guys making out or holding hands or being at all intimate. It will take time to find a good man that will accept your packaged deal. But there are so many of them out there, you wouldn't believe it. Guys also need to know that you're not just looking for a man to come and bail you out of your situation. No one wants be used and the fact that you live with your mother suggests that you can't (right now) support yourself. So to any man, you can seem like a financial responsibility. Not to mention, whenever a woman is not with the father of her child, there is a strong possibility to have baby daddy drama in your life. What man is going to willingly walk into a drama filled situation? A guy would have to feel your situation out, just as a woman would if the situation was reversed.

Just because you can't go out, doesn't mean you can't get to know a guy. You're going to have to settle for a whole lot of phone conversation. Do you have the internet at home? Why can't you talk on IM? You shouldn't be in such a rush to have get physical anyway but those times when you do, or when you wanna go to a movie or go out to dinner, ask your mother to watch your son for a couple of hours. Although your son's father isn't in a stable position, why can't he watch your son sometimes? What's going on with his family where they can't keep your son sometimes? You didn't have the baby alone so you don't have to feel so along in raising him.

Also, don't sell yourself short. There are ways to separate adult life from 'motherhood'. Being a single mother does not mean that your every waking moment is spent for the benefit of your son. You were a woman before you a mother. You have to take care of that woman part of you, in addition to perfecting the mother part.

Answer 5

I married into just the situation you describe and I woulndt change a thing. When I met my wife it was maybe three months before she let me see her child who was 5 at the time. I respected it. We didnt start doing things together for much longer then that. But after a while when she trusted me I would spend time with her after the child when to sleep at night. I think you are smart in how you are handling this. Potential dates will just have to understand that this is your reality. If they dont perhaps its a good way to weed out the bad ones.

Answer 6

If a guy you are dating doesn't understand that your son comes first, then he is not worth dating. There are many men out there that will accept you and your son for who you are, you just haven't found them yet! It's awesome that you are shielding your son from your dates. Kids get so confused with different men around their Moms. Good luck!

Answer 7

well the best thing i thought when i was dating was when i got to take her along with me to see her reactions to them or how they acted around her if they were to affectionate well we didn't go out no more but if they chatted with her made small talk then it was a maybe...........but you also have to watch out for those who put on an act to like children...........if you can say you never will get back with the father then what's it going to hurt your son these are friends going out to a dinner with
and if you decide on a relationship your son will be a part of it and he should be from the beginning so whenyou do find someone they wont be a total stranger to him........this will be a long process but good luck in your future hope you find happiness

Answer 8

Hey, I have the same problems. I am a single dad who has had pretty much zero luck with dating. The girls I've been with all act exactly the same way you say the guys do...no acknowledging that I have a kid, and just not understanding. I have begun to think that I can only date a single mom because at least she will understand what its like to be me. Email me if you'd like, would like to chat more.

Answer 9

Hey there. i am a single dad to a 10 year old and I have the same problem. I live in a small apartment and I have friends..not "girlfriends" and he understands. My sons mom lives 500 miles away and almost never sees him

Answer 10

It seems like you are going through what I did. And you are a 100 % right. If a man that you met does not understand that your son comes first in your life, then you don't need him in your life and your son. just be patient you will find someone that will accept you and your son. good luck.