Wedding Gift Lists - do you agree with them?

Question

I'm just asking because we have decided that at our wedding we are not having one because it sort of takes the personal touch from buying someone a wedding gift. A couple of years ago I wanted to buy my sister a lovely set of antique photo frames but she said I couldn't, I had to choose something from the list and pay on the Internet with my credit card. In the end I got her a towel rail or something like that. I don't even think she remembers what I got her. What do you think?

Answer 1

Anyone who provides me with a list of things they want, obviously believes in Father Christmas.
Because he's the only one who's going to bring them anything.
I would never myself expect anything free in any situation. Keeps my gratitude real, and real friends (who've been with me through thick and thin) un-upset.
My friends are welcome empty handed. No-one I like would ever avoid my wedding because they were broke or too busy to shop.

Answer 2

Your sister was wrong. The gift registry is an assistant for people who neither have the time nor an inkling of what the couple might like. It lets you know the sheet sizes, the color schemes and some things you wouldn't already know. It is also supposed to help eliminate so many duplicates. But it is not the ONLY place where people can get gifts. She is not supposed to hold the list hostage over their gift budget. I think a general registry is a good thing, and if you are buying something like fine china, it is really nice to have people get you several of the important pieces to help with the collection...in your patterns. I have seen inserts in the invite, in lieu of a registry, that just gave general information about the couples house and a phone number to call if you need information about sheet sizes, etc. The registry wont be used by everyone...and even those who look will shop around and may find the same item some where else...so it is not fail safe. I'd say, go ahead use one, just use a little more sense and a lot more class than your sister.

Answer 3

It is never mandatory to buy from a registry. A person may buy a couple what ever they please The Bride and Groom create them to, ideally, help guests out. Keep your guests in mind. Do a couple registries, one at a less expensive store and one at a more expensive store. Have a good range of gifts, the majority should be under $50 then several between $50 to $100 and only a few more expensive than that. Also, to keep from being tacky, DO NOT put any kind of registry list or announcement in any invitation to any event that you are hosting. If some one is hosting a party in your honnor and THEY want to include a list of where you are registered, that is fine. Other wise, just make them and let people know when they ask. And they will.

Answer 4

I have always thought a registry was two things, a list of things needed and a list of things wanted. You can normally tell what the difference is when looking at it. Most people like registries because it lets them know what you like and need. If I were you I would register for just a few things like some new sheets or towels and put gift cards on there, most registries will let you add gift cards as an option.

And if I were you and I wanted to get some photo frames for my sister and she told me no, I would have gotten them anyway. If I don't want to buy off a list then I don't.

Answer 5

Maybe some of this is that you have unresolved isses from what happened with your sister. She was rather rude.

I can understand where you are coming from because it makes it seem less personal that people do not pick something out with you in mind, but rather just select something on a list. On the other hand, it may save you from getting some thing(s) that you really have no use for.

In the olden days (hahahaha) when I got married, they did not have bridal registries and I have a lovely wooden nut dish. I love it and never use it.

Think about this approach. I have been to some weddings lately where I greatly appreciated the lists. I did not have any ideas what the colors preferences, etc., were of the couples. What I try to do is buy something from the list and include something that is my personal selection. For example, I got one couple the midnight blue comforter they wanted from their list and then bought some beautiful throw pillows that matched and a lovely candle that matched. Not everyone will do that, but think about whether everyone you invite to the wedding will know what kind of gift you would appreciate. You may be doing some folks a favor with the list.

Answer 6

I think it depends on each couple. If the couple already live together then it could be a good idea to have a gift list as the couple will already have what they need. What's the point in getting 15 toasters, 12 vases, 10 cutlery sets etc.. you get my drift. With the gift list, this will ensure that they will have things that they don't yet have and will be happy with taking away the headache from the guests trying to decide what to buy. On the other hand, if the couple do not yet live together it might be okay to go without the list but again there may be duplication of gifts.

Answer 7

I have thought about this and at first i thought the same as you, its must nicer to give and receive a personal gift. Then i had to buy a wedding gift for a couple who had not done a list and as I didn't know them that well (we are cousins) I didn't know their taste as have never visited their home so i found it really hard, then you worry that you may get something that some one else has already got. Its even harder if they have lived together for a few years as they will already have most kitchen appliances and essentials!

I think you give a choice. Chooses a store like Debenhams as most people can get to one and if they cant they can buy on line. Close family and friends are welcome to chose from the list or ignore the list and buy what they think you will like.

There must be some tactful way of wording that in the invitation.

Have a fantastic wedding day!

Answer 8

I have to say a list CAN be good, it helps people who have no idea what to buy and stops you getting 40 toasters of things that you would really not need/use or like. I am not being horrible but some people have got funny taste, I got loads of china ornaments when I got married the first time, I had thought that everyone who knew me would know that I was not "into" ornaments, but I ended up with loads of things that we kept out of sentiment but never ever used. I'm now getting married again and don't have a gift list as we have lived together for two years, if people ask me what we need I just say something very affordable and useful, like towels.

Answer 9

Well, we've already got; 2 toasters, 2 kettles, about 10 saucepans!!!.....
We have made a list for our wedding, despite the fact I feel very uncomfortable about 'demanding' things from people. My fiance has a large family, and I don't see all of my family that regularly, I understand that people may want to buy us a gift but find it hard to think what to get us- not knowing what we have/ have not, or our tastes, or might be too busy to spend ours trawling round the shops for just the right gift. With this in mind I agreed to a list; people can buy us a gift from the list, a gift they choose themselves, or they might not be in the position to buy a gift at all, in which case I will truly appreciate that they were able to come (most of my friends/ family will be travelling some distance)

Answer 10

Here's how we did it.
We did go and quietly choose items for a list.
The reason? You wouldn't believe the number of people who's very first question to us after we told them about the wedding was "Where are you registered.?" Never did we print anything that said we were registered. Certianly to put that info on your invite would be downright crude. My Maid of Honor kind of spread the word to those who insisted.
If you are having that old fashioned wedding where your parents are inviting tons of people you have never met (doubling your guest list) my experience is that those people tend to be a bit older and old fashioned, and expect you to be registered. My mother-in-law informed me that the original place we had registered at (one that carrys casual household items) was not sufficient for "their" friends. Apparently, I really needed to register with at least one upscale store that she could pass along to her friends.
Hence receiving things like a silver candelabra which I suppose some people would find wondefull. (we have used it for our annual halloween party every year since. sorry)
Even with the list from our "casual" store - we ended up having to take SO many things back because people chose items from all over the place. Never completing a set together.
My husbands brother told all the guys to just buy him Home Depot gift cards. We were doing a lot of home repairs and he had a blast as if he were the tool man himself. But that made me feel bad because then you know how much each person spent. But an awesome gift and something we really needed.
All around it is one uncomfortable situation for me.
We had just bought a house and paid for a large wedding
all by ourselves. So the sad reality was that we did indeed need the gifts we got -especially Home Depot.
If I had it my way....I would have had everyone make a donation to a charity. Maybe give them a choice between three?
No matter what you do, be prepared to play that game of gift return. Most important -just enjoy your wedding!

Answer 11

If you don't want to do a gift registry, there's no rule saying you have to. They are helpful to those looking for a gift though and will help them know your likes and dislikes. They can still get you a gift off the registry too. Just because you have a gift list, doesn't mean everyone has to abide by it. Some people have a hard time buying wedding gifts though since they don't know what you already have and what you need and like. It's helpful to both you and the guests. It also helps to prevent duplicate gifts. Regardless though, it's not mandatory and if you decide against it, that's fine. Good luck!