Hellooooo all i want to say thank you to everyone who answered my questions please read this crisis lol...?

Question

hello a big thank you to everyone who has answered my questions you have all made me realise i am being so stupid if i carry on being so insecure im not going to get anywere i love this man and i should therefore trust him and stop being so annoying an jealous !! but ive just had the biggest bomshell ever dropped on me he told me he would like to try for a baby and i would love a child and i would try my best to be the best mother in the world but with the way i have been i dont think this would be the best of times how can i tell him to wait a while without hurting his feelings ? or do you think i should just go for it...

Answer 1

I think you are being sensible in waiting for a little while. I don't know your full story and don't remember seeing any of your past questions, but it sounds like things need to settle down first. If there are problems now, the stress of having a newborn will blow the relationship apart. As lovely as babies are, they are hardwork!!

Answer 2

First, I want to commend you are recognizing that you are not in the best position to have a child. Many don't realize how much a child changes things. Second, to answer your question: Sit down with your significant other and ask him what he wants for his children. Then ask him if you two can provide that and more with the situation we are in now. Tell him you don't want to bring a baby into this world at this time but you are open to continue discussing and making things better so you start really trying for a baby. Be honest with him. Explain your reasons why you don't think right now would be the best of times and that you would rather wait a little bit. Good luck!

Answer 3

I'd have to say first and foremost; that if you feel that you aren't ready for a child, then don't pursue it. Alot of people, view a child , as a cure of sorts; thinking that, by bringing this new person into the mix; some how, they will be brought closer. And like I read a few more of the comments posted, I don't know your complete story. In your response, you refer to this man, as just that... this man. Which leads me to believe that you two are not married... perhaps just living together, I may be wrong. If I am, please forgive me. But you commented of insecurities, that you felt and were having and so; I would say, go with your instincts, and if you feel that you are not ready, or that the moment is inopportune for a baby, then don't bring one into the relationship right now. Explain your concerns & the reasoning behind your rationale... If he truly loves you, he will wait; honoring you & your wishes. Don't allow him to pressure you into anything... do not view a baby as a cure all; or as if, by having a baby with this guy will somehow fix everything about the relationship, or make things easier. If anything, a baby, is added pressure...
My ex-fiance' she got married last month... Feb. 24... I think the reason she got married to this other guy is because she was pregnant with his' child. I cannot be real sure, last time I heard, she was pregnant. The when is the mystery??? Anyway, she is the real clingy type; insecure, which stems alot from her past. Moved around alot... broken home... parents divorced... stepmom of majority of her life, leaves her dad... divorce again! Never really had a place of security; called home... this guy had a house of his' own... which I feel added to his mystic. I found out the other day, that she had said, she was gonna find her a man with plenty of money, so that she could have everything she ever wanted. If this is the case, wrong motive. I feel like she views a baby, as a certainty to love. That somehow by having a child with a guy, will insure that that guy would love her... which isn't the case. (See Single-Parenting; Know Any?) Viewing a baby in that way, is wrong! Point blank, wrong! If she is viewing a baby as that which will insure that someone has to love me... she will be in for a rude awakening... she is headed for trouble. Getting back to your Q. I would tell him, from a guy's perspective, I wish that Jennifer, my Ex- would have talked more with me about her feelings... I would have listened. It would have taken alot of guess work out of the relationship... would have cleared out alot if not all of the assumptions. I almost forgot, not only is a baby not a cure all for what ails ya' & your relationship, nor is a baby an assurety of love, acceptance... It's stressful, & though there are some joys that accompany parenting, there are alot of duties involved... STRESS!!!
2A.M. Feedings! (And the like!) There is no assurety that a baby will strengthen your relationship/ make it better... if that relationship is being strained already. The fact is; that more than likely, it would have quite the adverse effect... though this too is an uncertainty. I guess, it all depends on the couple... I don't know? There are no really cut and dry answers to this inquiry... But; I do offer this; suppose you do go through with it. You're pregnant, the stress of which breaks the hull of the ship of relation that you are both sailing in apart & it begins to rapidly fill up with water. And as the icy waters feel the compartments of the ship... He eyes a dingy and bails, abandoning ship! You are left on a modern day Titanic Style Cruise, and a date with Davey Jones... Left to bail alone, with a baby in tow. Just as you are about to go under... you meet this tall, dark, mysterious & ruggedly handsome guy who snatches you up away from the icy deep, that comes to embrace you. You fall in love, but before you really have anytime to strengthen that love... You go into labor! Now, this infant relationship; is held in the grip of the same typhoon style storm as the first; headed for the same iceberg.
Do you understand, what I'm trying to say? Wait... Don't be so hasty. Give it time! Until you feel that you are better suited & ready for parenting... Remember, time tested, until mother approved! Wait! Be Blessed, Best Of Luck!

Answer 4

Well if you have some relationship issues already, I don't think bringing a baby into it will help. In fact that will probally put a strain on the relationship. Being a "good" Mom is a lot of work, and most men don't help enough with babies to make their spouse feel any closer to them. Babies are wonderful, but if you are already feeling insecure about him then I would ask for more time.

Answer 5

I am the same exact way w/ my hubby to be!! Jealous 4 no reason what so ever. My opinion is this...sit down w/ him and tell him that there's nothing u want more than to have his seed, but that YOU want to work on ur jealousy and insecurity issues first so that u can feel like a better wife/gf and mommy to be. Hope I helped & good luck!

Answer 6

Having a baby is not like eating a hot soup where you can spit it out if it's hot. Does he have a good job to support you and the baby? Are you guys married? if not, are you prepared to be a single mother incase he disappears?
sometimes, asking for a baby is a man's way to get you in bed with them but they don't really mean that most of the time.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

i'd wait for a while. i didn't answer your question before, but if u told him u were feeling insecure, then he'd understand why u want to wait. but u shuld wait. i'm 8 months pregnant, and wen i was 5 months i got all insecure about my bf cheatin on me etc, then when i was 6 months gone he left me. he ex is a ****, but that don;t mean ur man is!! stick with him, and say u like the idea of a family with himm, but u need time to get used to the idea b4 u start trying.

Answer 9

Just tell him exactly what you have just told us - that you would dearly love to have a baby with him but you don't think that this very minute is the best time to do it and you would like to wait a little while.

Answer 10

If you aren't ready, than you aren't ready. Just tell him that you love the idea of having a child with him and that it is definitely something that you want to do in the future but that you aren't ready just yet. He sounds like a good man who loves you so he should understand and support you.