Who should I talk to about this?

Question

I have tried to avoid taking such an extreme measure for a long time on this subject, but it's become such a problem in my life, I think I need help. I have a severe problem with 'myself', I guess. For as long as I can remember, I've always had a poor self-image, and as such, I've always been self-concious. I have a hard time trying to remember what might have cause me to be like this, but when I was very young, third grade and under, I was always picked on for how I looked. I have red hair, blue eyes, pale skin, freckles, and I wear glasses, and may even need braces. I'm 19 years old, and weigh 260 lbs. So you can see why I'm so down on my appearance. My friends (well, I don't have any anymore, I'll explain later) and family all notice that I hate going to public places, and have all mentioned at some time or another that I might ought to 'see someone' about my low selfesteem, which ironically, makes me even more down on myself. (I'll continue below...)

Because of my poor self image, I've only asked a few girls out in my life, and everytime I've been turned down. Being 19 years old, it's embarassing to admit that I've never had a girlfriend, and never had any sort of 'sexual experience'. Just within the past few months I had my feelings crushed, when I realized I had feelings for my sister's best friend, whom I've known for about 6 years now, who completely disreguarded my feelings, and hooked up with both *my* best friend (we had a falling out over that; not because of her liking him, but because he lied to me about it, and didn't care about my own feelings), and another guy I knew, who are both in good physical shape. I know that's a lot of information that might not matter to most people, but ever since that whole scenario played out a few months ago, I've felt like I'm basically just a worthless piece of ****, who isn't attractive, and who's not even good enough to deserve anyone's friendship. (Will continue below)

I just feel like giving up on everything sometimes, and most of the time, I feel like there's no hope, nothing to look forward to for the rest of my life. I feel like I'm just gonna grow up and be that fat old slob who's never done anything with his life, and grows old and dies alone. I even feel like even if by some miracle I lost all the weight I wanted, I would still be ugly. Who can I talk to about this? I don't know; sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy, or if I can ever be 'normal'. I want to be physically attractive, I would give anything to just trade my body for someone else's, but even then, I wonder if I could ever be happy.

If you've bothered to read this far, I'm sincerely grateful. Please, any advice of how to overcome this depression, or who to talk to, or what I can do to fulfill some of these goals, please put in any suggestions you can come up with. Thanks - Jared

to Peta G:
I don't know, after all that happened with my best friend, and a girl I've known for 6 years, I just feel like physical attraction is the only thing that matters. If it wasn't, then why would she completely ignore my feelings, or why would my best friend, whom I've known since I was 9 years old, stab me in the back? I don't really know *how* to learn to accept myself, but my problem is I don't even want to *be* myself. I would like to be better than what I am now, but I would for once, like to be the kind of guy that doesn't *have* to have this forced great personality. I like to laugh and all, but I don't like being around people, because I don't feel good about myself. I don't think I look good, and I don't even feel like I have the kind of personality a girl would be interested in. I'm straight, but, maybe because my dad was never around that much, I dunno, I'm not very masculine. I have a rather high pitched voice, and there aren't *any* sports that interest me.

Answer 1

Jared, Hello...I hope I can convince you that you are NOT, worthless. You also need some new friends. A friend would not have lied to you. they should have been the ones "uplifting" you all this time.. Someone disrespected you when they didn't tell you they wanted to go out with someone you had your heart set for. If fact he should have passed on the opportunity.
Ok, let's start with you...Only YOU can decided to make any changes to make you life better,,,It comes one day at a time.
To get you started I would like to suggest that you look for a Certified Nutritional Therapist. If you are only 19 years old and weigh 260. (how tall are you?) at 5' 9" or less you need to listen to me. You shouldn't be overweight. Your body is
out of BALANCE. What I mean by this is that your body is not processing properly..and it's building up Toxins in your body's tissue. It's holding on to things it should be getting rid of. Let's examine your diet...if your eating processed foods,
examples: potatoes chips, candy, cookies, cake, ice cream, crackers, store bought pies, etc...you are in trouble, even bread and pasta might be bad for you right now.
These kinds of foods are what is hurting you the most and it can get to the point of affecting you Mentally as well. It's a vicious cycle as one thing effects the other...Sugar, it's the problem...It's an ADDICTION. The sugar on the grocery shelf is bleached out..not a natural product. splenda, also chlorinated. Do yourself a favor and start doing a little reading on this subject..it WILL change your life immensely.
Most health food stores have a book section where you can find some material on this subject. You are in a danger zone and I hope you can get the help you need. When you start feeling better and dropping a little weight it will help change your mind about everyting else. Learn to love yourself by how you treat your body and what it needs for nutrition. Get up and shower every morning, have breakfast and then go for a walk,
Do 15 min in one direction and then go back..You are young so this shouldn't be a problem for you to do. right?
People care about Jared, you can tell that by what everyone wrote to you "in here"...So take a step forward and don't expect to not FALL a little...Be of good cheer, be strong and walk forward with your life.
I would like to ask to be an "email" buddy if you need this for support...I would be available to help you with encouraging words. You deserve so much more than what you are taking from life right now...and with a liitle help we can turn this around.
I've been on a CNT protocol supplement program since NOV 06, and my life is turning a major corner.

Answer 2

I'll be brief. These suggestions are in addition to that of seeing a good counselor. To lose the weight, start jogging. Build up your distance gradually - 1/2 mile, then 1 mile, 2, and eventually 20 miles and marathons. You WILL lose weight if you stick to such a program religiously. That will not cure your self-esteem problem, but it will help. (I still felt like a piece of **** when I was running marathons) Then, I would suggest learning to play a musical instrument. As you are suffering, playing music is a good way of expressing those feelings in a way that others can relate to. Almost everyone suffers inner pain, esp when young, but most people keep it to themselves and try to present a happy confident exterior. But music is a way of sharing without putting yourself down. This sort of self improvement program may take a couple of years to have concrete results, so write back after a few years of this. Finally, I'll tell you something which really did raise my self-esteem unbelievably, so that I was only a piece of **** half the time. I joined a group aimed at practicing public speaking. Boy did that make a difference. People thought I was great, although I still didn't feel it inside. Anyway, that's a start....

Answer 3

Okay, Honey. First of all- Don't worry about having not jumped in the sack with anything that wears britches. Some things are well worth waiting for, and IMHO a guy who's more interested in sex than in you has less class than a dog. The same goes for girls

Next, I will tell you now, sure you have a weight problem. But you can fix that. Otherwise, you are a handsome young man. Tell yourself that. And believe it.

Next, see a counsellor about your self-image problem. And in the meanwhile, decide what course YOU want your life to take. And start deciding how you're going to get there, and do it.

The change won't be instant. I won't try to fool you about that. But once you decide to take control, you will find you feel much better.

I'll be cheering you on!

Answer 4

It's a vicious cycle because your poor self image and low self esteem is making you less attractive which is then lowering your self esteem.
You need to find your 'good qualities' and allow them to shine through.
Beauty is only skin deep and if you are a good person then people will see past your exterior and love your interior.
Not everyone is looking for Mr Gorgeous, most people are looking someone with a good personality. So develop your personality!!!
If you have poor self-image then you are reflecting that and virtually telling others that you are not worth getting to know.... this is not true!
Make a decision to change those things about you that you don't like (the ones that can be changed) and to accept the things about yourself you cannot change.
Learn to love yourself and then others will learn to love you too!

Answer 5

I have always had these similar problems and had almost given up. I realized that if I were not happy I needed to do something about it. There are no overnight answers to your problems but you are only 19 and have plenty of time to enjoy your life. Start walking a little every day. Just take care of yourself and make yourself happy. You must know how to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another person so start here. As for the red hair I LOVE IT!

Answer 6

Jared, i'm going to talk to you in a way that is not going to sound very sympathetic at first. but i want you to really hear what i have to say. it's very important. ok?

QUIT FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF! are you still with me? now, the first thing you have to do , is ask yourself a question. who got you into the shape you are in. I am assuming that there is no glandular problem causing your weight problem. so who is responsible for putting extra food into you? that's right, you are. ok, we've gotten through that.
If weight is what concerns you, the by golly, lose it! how? eat less, exercise more. that simple. cut out junk food. eat fewer simple carbs, such as bread (except whole grain) pasta and rice. limit potatoes and leave off all the toppings--a little butter is ok. increase your intake of vegetables and fruit. limit lean meat to two three ounce servings a day. eat healthy snacks like carrots, celery, fruit, etc. drink lots of water. walk, walk, walk!

once you begin to lose weight, you might find that people are beginning to see you in a different light. but you are not done.
you must work on your self esteem. quit hiding behind being too pale, too redheaded, and too freckled! those are just excuses for you to continue feeling sorry for yourself. You have to accept who you are and realize that you are never going to be a blond, bronze adonis! and quit blaming everyone for who you are. It's not your dad's fault, or your mom's, or your best friend's. you have to take charge of you. you may think that you need professional help. maybe you do. but i doubt it. you see. any mental health professional is just going to take your money and stretch it out for years only to tell you by the time you are 40, everything i have just told you. you sound like a good kid. now, do what is best for you. improve your mind and improve your body.

you probably want to know where i get my information. well, i am a 50-year-old female version of you! minus the freckles and red hair.:) so take it from me. you can do this if you really want to. you sound very insightful and very intelligent. so go out there and do it. it isn't easy, but if you stick with it, i think you will be ok. I wish you all the luck in the world!

Answer 7

Please try to think at the fact that God loves you as you are. He died for you...be a real human being! Why do you have to think like that?
Pray and you will find the best friend ever: Jesus Christ, he will never let you down!
If you can pray you are going to be happy!
Take good care! God loves you!

Read about the prayer of the heart!
Have a blessed day!

Please understand that you are so precious in God's eyes!

You will find the girl that HE has put aside for you if you listen to HIM, wait to have a normal life, like a human being ( not like an animal that goes with everyone, everywhere!); almost all teenagers live not a normal life...take good care! And watch the sky...the blue clear sky, and remember that I am thinking at you, I'll pray for you and God loves you much more than you can think!

Answer 8

You should talk to someone about your feelings, a pshycoligist can help you understand your feelings, and help you to cope with them, Express yourself and help you to see things in a different light. Sometimes there is a possibility that people needs medication to help cope with life experiences. But just hang in there I am sure there is someone out there for you and when that time comes it will be worth the wait. Right now you need to concentrate on yourself and building your self esteem, because you have to feel good about yourself before you will be able to find the good in other people.

Answer 9

I don't see what's so bad about your traits mentioned. Especially the fair complexion/ and red hair. That's a very rare thing to see. Typical looks that sociey throws out there are BORING and are getting old quickly. Rarity and uniqueness are much more of an eye catcher. But if you do need to talk to someone about it, try a counselor. I don't see how that would hurt anything to at least give it a shot.

Answer 10

You don't have to be miserable...there are plenty of things you can do about it.

Try a regular exercise program at a local gym. It will not only make you healthier and sexier, but it will most certainly improve your self image. Your life will literally change, but you should be willing to try it. And why not? You're still young. Life has not yet begun for you.