I dont know what to do, last night he just broke down and told me he cant take all the presure of this and doesnt even now who he is anymore. I ask him if he would like to go speak to a prof but he refuses. He also told me he cant really talk to me about this since I havent lost a parents my self. What should I do? Please help any imput is appreciated.
2007-03-23 03:04:13 · 11 answers · asked by Brookie79 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Be there for him because he WILL want you to be... eventually. He's just hurting right now. Do you have a pastor or minister to talk to? They can be of great help. You mentioned a prof. If you are on a college campus I'm sure there are support groups you could point him to.
I remember when a friend's Dad died. I told her that if she just needed a shoulder I'd be there. She snapped, "You wouldn't understand because this hasn't happened to you!" (or something like that... it was over 25 years ago). She later apologized for her reaction.
2007-03-23 03:17:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is right it is hard to talk to a person who has not lost there parents. because no matter how you think it would feel it is 1 million times worse. I lost my mother three years ago on the fifth of next month. I can still count the days not weeks or months or years. I still count the days that she is gone. I still dream devastating dreams and wake up crying heavily because it is like it has just happened. My father will have been gone for one year on monday. It is a devastating loss. it is because you know some day you are going to loose them and as adults you feel you can handle it because that is what is expected of you. But when it happens you world falls out from under you. and mortality hits you in the face. not your mortality. the mortality of your parents. Because some where you thought they were never going to die that they would always be there.
My mothers death was sudden and unexpected. My father died of a illness. we knew it was coming and it was still a shock. Your boyfriend needs to find his faith. If you believe in God you can be comforted that this is only a short time because some day which to his father is only a second he will be there with them.
How was he after he broke down. did he feel any better. he is holding this inside and it is making him feel worse if this is possible. Remember God has his father. Who better to take care of him. If he can not be here with him on earth who better to have him. The only thing you can do is to watch to make sure that this depression he is feeling does not turn suicidal or violent. Remind him of what a wonderful man his father was and how he would not want him to hurt so. that he is happy now. he has all that he needs and wants. he is with his loved ones who has passed. but do not ever tell him you understand what he if feeling because there is no way you can. do not tell him it will get better with time. because that does not help. all you can do is listen. do not make coments unless one is asked. listening is best. do not expect him to ever be over it. and do not tell him he will.
2007-03-23 10:18:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him that he is right, you don'tknow what its like to lose a parent. But he needs someone to talk to and you are willing to listen and give him the opportunity to talk about this so its not bottled up. Obviously you can't give him advice or tell him how to feel about it, but no one (not even someone who has lost a parent) can really tell him how he should feel about his loss.
My father died when I was 9, when my wife's father died she was 39. My 'experience" didn't help me at all in helping her. But my long term experience of being her husband did. Everyone experience's life and life's tragedy differently, after 12 years together you should be the most prepared person to help him deal with this. You don't have to nag or bug him to talk, just let him know you are there for when he is ready.
2007-03-23 10:18:39 · answer #3 · answered by chinamigarden 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only thing that you can do is just be there for your boyfriend. he will talk to you about it when he feels the time is right. ITs still so early and hes still grieving alot. I can only imagine the pain he's going through. Be very supportive of him he's going to need you while he's going through this. (by the way its none of my business but 12 years is a long time why no wedding bells)
2007-03-23 10:11:40 · answer #4 · answered by tcameron_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you still have grandparents? If not then get whichever parent of your who has lost their parent to talk to him. That way he will relate more and get the maturity and guidance of speaking for a professional. Just be his shoulder and give him as much support as you can. He is bound to say things which he doesn't really mean.
2007-03-23 10:12:23 · answer #5 · answered by Bagpuss 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i lost my father when i was 22 i didnt know him that well he was in prison for half of my life. just give him time its been two years for me it just takes time and having someone care he knows you care trust me i was just like him i didnt go to work or even school iam now 24 years old and it still hurts to know hes not around. all you need to do is give him time but show him you are there for him no matter what.
2007-03-23 10:13:43 · answer #6 · answered by brandy_hollifield2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Almost all cities, large or small have grieving groups for familys who have lost a loved one. Check your local newspaper. Maybe he needs to go and see and meet these other people. I did this when my mom died, and it really put things into prospective for me. I really found myself. It sounds cliche, but Its true. Good luck
2007-03-23 10:07:59 · answer #7 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should spend more time w/t him. Like comfort him, and show him that you care. Show him that you too suffer because he suffers. Show him that while he suffetrsthrough that, your suffering w/t him too.
2007-03-23 10:09:30 · answer #8 · answered by catgirl1534 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just give him some time.
2007-03-23 10:07:33 · answer #9 · answered by va757 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the only thing you can do is be there and listen.
2007-03-23 10:08:06 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋