My husband has severe mood swings, he's almost always angry, and has no patience?

Question

My husband drinks beer every night when he comes in from work, he usually drinks at least 4 to 6 bottles or cans. He passes out every night. He has severe mood swings and is angry all the time. He yells and screams to get his point across. We go to church and I am very spiritual, I have raised my children in church. They are older now 12 and 14. They hate their dad. They wish he would just die. We own our home but have a lot of debt, we can not afford to seperate.But I want him to leave. He has no where to go and can't afford to go. What can I do?

All the answers are great, my husband has destroyed our family, He has always drank, I just did not know it, I also think with or without the alcohol he would be mean and moody. I know that I can't let him keep destroying the kids. He will not take any responsibility for any of his actions. Although it is too late for our life together, he still needs help. You all have given me the courage to take a stand. Thank You, I would like to hear more from someone who had an alcoholic parent, so I can help my children.

Answer 1

He needs some help with alcoholism. I think your goal should be to get him to stop the excessive drinking. I wonder if there is a family member he respects that can help you with your problem. If you are trying to go the religious route to solve his problem I can almost bet he is not listening to that. Right now it is probably making him more angry. I would back off of that aspect. My Dad was a pretty big drinker but it had the opposite effect on him. He became docile and fun. It wasn't till he started wrecking cars that it became a true family issue.

Answer 2

My mom was an alcoholic and it affected me and my little brother. It first started when I was about 11 years old and as I got 12 and 13 I understood more. My dad loved her so much he didn't leave, but he did give her ultimatum to stop and with the help of her sisters she did start the process.
She was not physically abusive but far too permissive with my little brother even giving him some rum and coke to drink from time to time as a young child. That stopped soon as I realized it, and brought it to my dad's attention.
I don't like talking about all this but you know what though?
I admired my dad for making her stop.
And if he did leave with us, I would have admired and appreciated him for what he would do, if he would have done it.
I realize she did wrong and it seperated her from our family in a way you know? But he stuck it out.
Now of course this way was different for us since she was the alcoholic and not him.
Thank god for that but I can tell you from my experience as the older child (now grown, I am 31 now).
I can tell you that once you start making plans, and get out, your children will be happier, they will adjust and they WILL understand. Just don't be afraid to explain to them in a balanced way why you feel the need to do this for them and yourself and they will see why and understand and love you for it.

I think it's true, try and get some kind of work and start putting it away somewhere safe, another account you open for yourself or something or put it someplace safe.
See what family can help you or shelters in the area or other resources.
But make sure your children are never abused. Now that I have a 7 yr old son of my own I could never allow that. If it were to happen, I would leave no matter what, right away and report him, I assure you, if such a thing were to happen.
Remember,
you are stronger than you realize and you can do great things for yourself, just look out there for places, resources that can help you and you will find what you need.
Other suggestions previous to my post here have had some good tips and things to do.
Don't be afraid but realize you can give the gift of a stable and happy home to your children, despite where it might be, it could be a simple small apartment but find somewhere that would allow you a simple life to get things together and it will all work out.

Answer 3

It is up to you to worry about you and your children. What he chooses to do is his worry not yours.
you have enough on your plate.
If you are not working, I suggest you find a job or get trained for one that will give you an income and not minimum wage.
If you are going to go out on your own, you have to have a plan and put it into action..
If you can consolidate your debts work on that and get it done, so there is one payment.
Get rid of the credit cards.Stop charging immediately anything you need you pay cash or don't buy.
Get your 14 year old out and working part time after school and week-ends.
Get them involved in your plan on leaving. They must help you with chores and about the house so that they can learn to pull together as a team if you are going to survive on your own.
Your husband is an alcoholic and you know it, so do your kids and all your friends and neighbours, so we aren't pulling any punches here.
You have to tell him you are not staying in the marriage much longer and you want him to leave. If he won't, use the emotional abuse that you are suffering as well as your kids and present it to the police. If you feel you are in danger and your children as well, then you must file a report.
If he has gotten physically abusive to you or the kids then you had better have him charged .This is grounds to have him removed from the house.
You can leave with the children also, I am sure your family will help you, then you can file for you half of the money and get the house sold.
Pay off the debts and then split what is left.
If you r family is not there for you go to social services or to a women's shelter for help.
If you have a lawyer that attends your church talk to him about options.
When you leave, he will have to pay child support and will not have the money to blow on beer. The woman is the base in the home and keeps the family together. Once you are gone it will fall apart for him and he will not be able to handle it.
Take out an add that says as of this date you will not be esponsible for any debts that he incurs in your name.
If you have joint credit cards,, get your name off them , put a hold on the accounts so no more can be spent.
Try to put aside even few dollars for your new start. Have someone hold onto it for you or open another bank acct somewhere other than where you have one now.
I truly feel for you, it seems like there is no way out, but my dear there is.You must make a plan and execute it.
The first step is the hardest, but once you start there is no looking back and believe me it becomes much easier.
Don't be afraid to have what you want for you and your ch ildren in life, they will follow you they trust you,... you are their way out also remember that... you free them as well as yourself,

Answer 4

Where ever you live, go and contact ALANON. {Look up the phone number and addresses in the Phone book.}
Alcoholism is a disease; there is nothing wrong or immoral about it. He has become a victim of a disease, for which there is no cure! Yet it can be arrested--One DaY at a Time,--- like I have now, for 25 years, thank god for Alcoholics Anonymous!
I know an alcoholic, from the description you have given of his behavior.
But unless HE agrees he wants help for his alcoholism, nothing is of any use for him.

I dont know where you live; but AA is in 120 countries around the world, and it is FREE!!! No money! Free of charge.
For you, Alanon will help you tremendously; how to handle situations which used to baffle you, how to find happiness and peace for you and your children---even if he drinks---and how he will eventually be helped.

Answer 5

I would go to Al-Anon and take my children with me so they could go to Al-Anon for teens. It is a group that meets to talk about the problems of alcohol in the home and it is a way to find others who are going through the same problem. Maybe there you can find ways to cope. Have you talked to him about his drinking? Anger? Maybe he can go to Alcoholic Anonymous meetings and Anger management meetings to deal with his problems while you go to Al-Anon with the children. Maybe if the whole family goes, he will be more willing to participate. You say you may not be able to afford to separate, but can you afford staying in the marriage and having it take over your family to the point where you lose what really matters. Money has a tighter hold on couples than love does. Money should not be the factor that keeps your marriage together, love should.

Answer 6

Do you have a local support group for families of Alcoholics which could give you some guidance and ways to cope with your husband, or ways in which you could leave him.
It is unfair that you and your children should live in misery because of this man. It may be his drinking (probably is) or it just may be the man he has become, but you should have to live like this. It is not your fault or your children's fault that he has chosen to live like this.
If he is not willing to do something about quitting drinking and having some sort of anger management counselling then I would most certainly make contact with some support groups and find a way to leave. If you really want to leave him then nothing can stop you.
If not for you, then do it for your children, they are relying on you to ease their pain.

Best of luck in a very difficult situation.

Answer 7

What does he want....to be a husband and father or the booze?

Teach your children that they cannot disrespect their father but CAN disrespect the abuse of alcohol.

"They hate their dad. They wish he would just die." ~ Don't encourage this. If either of them go down the same road you will quickly be an excuse to them and they will, however manipulative this sounds, ok their own actions using sympathy for their father as an excuse for them to take on their behavior. Get them active in acknowledging they also will have to change and also have things to work on. It isn't wise to use somone else's self destruction to have a victim party....I strongly advise to stay clear of that.

Answer 8

Speak to your minister and ask for advice. Your husband obviously has a problem with alcohol - it might be that he is worried about debts, etc etc.
I lived in a house like this and it was truly terrible. You need help and you need it from someone who knows you both.

Answer 9

my father is easy to angry and not easy to calm down.i am 20 years now and he keep on the way he treat me when i was a kid,he would be mad for my "not being hard in study"even if i got all A s.
maybe he really wanna me have a great future or he just want to make me to be a masterpiece of his way,and then he could tell his comrade that i am good at bringing up kid.
at that time,i extremely expected that i could pour out my sorrow with my mom,but she was always away.
so if you have time,it will be a good way to talk with them and listen to them pouring out their sorrow.
i am 20 now and has broken through the suffering, since i could do it i believe your kids could do it too
good luck

Answer 10

Tell him since he can affor to buy beer, he can afford to move out. Either he goes willingly or you will find a way to make him go.