My father has Bipolar disorder. How do WE cope with this disorder...the verbal abuse really gets to me.?

Answer 1

I have worked in the mental health feild for many years, This is one of the most complicated illnesses I have seen. First he should be on medication. There are many new drugs out that work very well, however the problem with most bi polar pts is they do not want to take the meds. they will tell you they are taking them even when they are not. It is helpful to dispense the meds for them and give it to them with meals. This will ensure they take it, the other issue is watch out for them cheaking it once it is in their mouth. The next step is taking an active role in going with them to their doctor with each visit. It always helps when they hear from close and inhouse members.This is due to the fact most Bi-polar pts will tell lies to their doctor and make them believe what they want the doctor to know and not the truth. Bi polar pts do tend to lie alot with anything it dont matter what it is about.They are great manipulaters and will lie about things to suit what they want. They will lie and say many things they do not remember even saying. They also tend to have conflict with everyone they are around at some point. They can play a good game with strangers and make people believe they are fine, but they can only hold up the phisod for about 3 days and then the real them will come out and they very fast loose friends and family. They go in and out of manic states. During manic states they dont remember what they even said or done. It does very little good to confront them on their behavior, because no matter one they are going to shift blame and make it your fault. It is not your fault. It is a matter of a chemical embalance in which needs immeditate aggressive medical treatment, this includes meds, as well as a treatment plan in which includes therapy. It is very important family members take an active role in your farthers treatment. this includes for his own good taking control out of his hands as a family, generally there is someone in the home they do feel some trust in, and have some respect for. This will be the person who could help your father the most. this is the one who should go with your father to the doctor. If your father is againist it you can write letters on your fathers bahave and take them to his doctors office and drop them off at the front dest and ask them to give the letters to his doctor.This allows the doctor to better determine your fathers needs. this also lets the doctors know the percentage rate of how his current treatment is doing. Getting imput from family memembers is one of the biggest helps for doctors and counclers. The doctor can not disscuss anything confidential but you can write letters and let the doctors how this pt is behaving in his own comfort zone. The doctors ecourage hearing from family memembers in order to get them in the best treatment plan they have or can offer. When you have one sick person in the home it makes the whole house sick. It is so important family take a role in the pts treatment because it does affect the family health also. If you leave the control up to your father for his health needs you will end up being the pt sitting behind a doctors desk needing help for yourself. You can not fix the family member but their are many things you can do to to a active role in their treatment. What does it matter he may get mad at you, because he is going to get mad at you for anything anyway. Tell him it is for his own good that the family has decided as a family to step in. All this acting out he is doing is a serious cry for help. have everyone in the home write a letter to his doctor. Once you step in, your farther will then get the proper treatment he needs. This gives the doctors the whole picture and not just want he wants the doctor to believe.
dont expect 100% improvement but hope for any % improvement. For your sake find a good support group. Most times the family members are the key to proper help. Good luck with this and set up a private family meeting without your father present, once you do that your father will feel exposed and only then he will get the help he needs. It not enough for you to just need to cope with this person, your not coping your getting sick over this yourself. Now it is time as family for your family to get treatment. Yes coping skills is important, but dont let your father fall off the cliff and just cope with it as you seeing falling off the clip. Throw out your hands of hope and help and pull him up for his own safety. You are not alone, and dont have to cope, you can help, step in and do it. He will thank you once he is feeling better, and you will feel better in the fact you did all you could to really help. trying to cope is hard, but they need more then just to deal with them. they need firm yet loving and encouraging consiqunces. Your family is the key to his health. its ok to rat him out to his doctor. My thoughts and prayers are with you good luck.

Answer 2

This is a tough situation and you have many outstanding answers before mine. My husband is bipolar and gets very verbally abusive when he goes through cycles. You will quickly learn to realize the signs before he starts in a manic phase. Look for signifigant life events or anniversaries, those are often a trigger. Being verbally abused is so difficult but please keep in your mind that he CANNOT control it, and I'm certain he doesn't mean it. Bipolar disorder is a very difficult illness to understand... just remember that it is something he cannot control and often times doesn't realize how terrible he is being. I know it may be easier to just walk away when he is being irritable, but keep an eye on him. Most bipolar persons are suicidal, and if he is ever having a really hard cycle, he could be dangerous to himself. Also remember to never alienate him and his bipolar disorder when he is in a phase, this will always add fuel to the fire. Treat him as normal as possible. When he feels like he is more important than anyone or anything, treat him that way. Only confront him about his disease when he is not having a manic or depressed phase. That is always the most effective. And educate yourself and your family on bipolar disorder. Knowledge is always your best defense. I wish you the best of luck with your father.... its tough on the loved ones.

Answer 3

You are just as important to look after as your father. Are there support groups for people like you where you are? If so, then I would encourage you to take part in them. If not, then seek help from your county health office. They can point you in the direction of help that you can get.
Bipolar encompasses a number of different scenarios and some respond to medicine better than others. It may take a bit to get the medicine right. Patience is a virtue in thin supply in the family while the doctors are trying to get it right.
Is the verbal abuse coming on the manic phase or on the depressive phase? If you notice when it comes, then talk to the doctor about that. Nobody needs to suffer verbal abuse at home.

Answer 4

My consellor often uses the phrase "hurt people, hurt people" to explain the lashing out that happens when you feel really bad inside.
I have Bipolar disorder and am prone to outbursts and sadly my family, being my closest emotional ties, usually cop it the worst. My daughter (14) has suffered most because of it. I feel so bad for the things I have said to her when I was angry.
As hard as it sounds, try to be understanding of his internal pain that causes him to be this way. Focusing on his meds and the "medical" condition just highlights the frustration I find.
Reassure him that you love him, when it's appropriate. The acronym H.A.L.T can help. Is he hungry, angry, lonely or tired? Monitoring things like sleep are essential for the management of Bipolar.
Try not to say things like "you're just acting that way because of your Bipolar" as that invalidates his feelings which will make him madder. Take a deep breath, walk away if need be, and try to understand he wouldn't choose to be this way.
I have written a book about my personal journey with Bipolar that might help you to cope better, and there are plenty of others out there.
Believe me, the love and support of family is essential when your internal world seems so chaotic. Good luck!
Lisa Mora

Answer 5

I think Rican has answered this question to the point. A bi-polar patient is very hard to live with and really to get them well they need the support from all their family members. And dealing with him you may need counseling also depending on the severity of the abuse. And also to add to Rican's answer if the abuse gets out of hand it is OK to call the police just to let your father know there are consequences that may occur. Just remember it is out of love and will scare them to maybe treat you better plus it helps so they won't hurt themselves or others.

Answer 6

make sure he is takin g the medication for this disorder. If he has a good time remind him that when his disease is out of control it affects you and hurts you. It is his reponsibility as a parent to manage his condition strictly as the doctor prescribes it. There is a huge denieal factor in this disease people think they dont need the treatment when it is obvious to everyone else they most surely do.
A support group for family members of mentally ill may be helpful
addnedum I did NOT mean it is your responsibility for him to tak ehis meds-as I stated that is HIS responsibility,but that you shoul dbe aware if that is the problem you could at least know that is the reason and that can be reported to his health care team.

Answer 7

The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill has local charters in almost every state. They have programs specifically designed for friends and family of those suffering with brain disorders. Making sure that he takes his medicine is not your responsibility.

To find out more information and locate a charter near you:

http://www.nami.org

Answer 8

DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance) is not only for people who suffer from depression or bipolar, also for their family or friends. Maybe there is a chapter in your area.