Having trouble getting over the tradgety of a loss of a pet...??

Question

I cry each and every night because my dog/bestfriend died. It's so sad, she was the nicest now i cant get over it!!!=( Please tell me how i can....

Answer 1

{{hugz}} I know sorry doesn't help, as I just lost our Brandy who was a 9 yr old shizhu poodle. We had to put her to sleep February 16th..
She began with soiling throughout the house, in discomfort when this occurred- they did x-rays and stated that her kidneys and bladder were fine. within 2 days she had neurological symptoms, balance off, weak, shaking, and then her neck began to kink to the left side.
We left her at the vet overnight where she recieved steroid shots, and iv fluid- they told us we could get her Thursday evening. When they brought her out to us the was in a vegetable state, the only movement were the tremors throughout her body. We took her home for one last night, her tounge hanging out, I rubbed water over her tongue and she did respond to it, during the night she would whimper every 20 minutes until around 3am I told her it was okay to let go.
By 5am her body felt cool, no longer any warmth to it. We put her to sleep around 12 noon that day (Friday)- I watched as they did this and it took very little med for her to go. She had brain damage, and could not be saved. The vet could not make a case for her- no official diagnoses only the possiblity of Vestibular disease usually found in older dogs and they never have seen a case so severe as with Brandy.
Something told me this was not a closure, I couldn't rest until I found out what really happened.. I was okay when I left the vets office, knowing I kept my promise to her that I would not let her suffer. But come Saturday morning, the morning after, I looked at the empty bowls, her empty bed and my routine was not the same now, I went out back as I always do in the morning with my coffee and cigarette, I sat at the edge of the garage where Brandy would go out and pee, come over and sit next to me waiting for me to go in and give her breakfast (dry beneful). I could not handle it. I balled my eyes out for a good 20 minutes or more until I could barely breathe.
I got myself together, given it was 7am saturday morning I thought my husband was still in bed, and daughter too. When I came through the patio to come into the house, my husband was standing by the sliding glass door, took one look at me and just lost it. We both were beyond the term upset. I actually didn't want to live anymore, the pain was so intense. My chest ached literally!! My head even hurt from emotional drain. We looked online at puppies, I didn't want another in respect of Brandy, but the love we had for Brandy was now our own, and we needed to be able to give that love again.
I knew what I wanted, it had to be affectionate, and I had to feel a bond. We drove to a pet place, spending 45 minutes holding pups, and feeling nothing, I was ready to tell my husband and daughter that we should be going when the woman came over and said "I feel compelled to ask, we have a shihzu pup in the back, would you like to see him?" I wasn't very interested really but said "okay I guess".
She brought him out, placed him in my arms, he scooted himself up to my neck and fell asleep. My daughter said "he's the one mom!" I could not hand him back as I did all the others, he had to come home with us even though I did not want a male. He has helped us through the pain, filling the emptiness in our hearts and home. At first I was concerned if we did the right thing, starting all over again, but the love he gives us and we give him, it is priceless and worth it.
We got Brandy's ashes a week later, and the mourning started all over again. My husband was a wreck. But because of the puppy, we got through it...
Here it is over a month now and we were doing fairly well- no crying, not being upset anymore, just missing her. Then I find out about the food recall, things began to make sense- after reviewing Brandy's illness with the vet and her death, we concluded that Brandy died from tainted food.
Now the wounds have all opened up again, our baby died and didn't have to, or have to get ill. For 2 days now I have been upset, it hits me when I least expect it. Yesterday morning I removed the ashes packet from her cedar box, placed them to my chest and balled like a baby telling her I am so sorry.

On to how you feel, your crying is so very normal, and you have to allow yourself time to mourn. First for us, it was complete intense sorrow, pain, feeling we don't deserve to still be here, self guilt- self blame. Then the next stage is anger. Angry at God, angry at what happened, just all around angry at the world. Then comes some acceptance, you miss your pet so very much. And I honestly tell you if not for this puppy, I don't know if I would cope as well as I have, and it isn't WELL, but I am getting through this better than if I did not have him.
No one can tell you how to cope, or get through this, only that you will in your own way, at your own pace and time.
All the mixed emotions you are feeling are human emotions, they are normal, and they will come on suddently. One day you will be okay, the next day you will be an emotional mess.

Because this is a over a month later I am angry again because this food company knew of this in December, and yet we just found out about this a week ago. We could still have Brandy here with us, had we known about the recall, she died of kidney failure not Vestibular disease.
So the mourning process which I thought was mending itself, has come back to bite me in the rear. Losing her was like a knife through my heart, but to find that she didn't have to die feels like an additional sword in my back. You will never get over your loss, but you will get through it.
We will never get over losing Brandy, she will always be part of us, she was my 4 legged daughter. But I know she is in a better place, much better than this world we live in. No more suffering or pain. Selfishly I tell God that I want my baby back. They do say often times if a pet doesn't want to leave you, their spirit will return in another pet you get- and it doesn't matter how young the new pet is, spirits can enter at anytime. I believe that Brandy's spirit is in our new pup- I see her in him many times, though he still has his own personality but he does similar things that Brandy used to do which is comforting. I also believe given this pup was hidden in the back, not on display, and the woman asking me just as I was ready to leave, that he came to us for a reason. We needed him, and he needed us.
You will need to get through each stage of grief and allow yourself this time to do so.
Please see this link which may help you better understand your feelings.
http://home.att.net/~velvet-hammer/grief.html

Also there is a chat room for pet loss at
http://chat.pethobbyist.com/
You can sign on as a guest, I have been in the dog den a few times and visit a few times a day, sometimes no one is in there during the day, but evening beings more chatters.

Be strong, and know also, our spiritual bonds are very strong- we mourn physical loss, the spiritual bond remains in tact and quite honestly, it becomes even stronger in time. You will see.
With lots of love, tons of hugs- I know your pain and I feel it along with you. This is the hardest thing we have ever had to experience. But we will get through it. even though at times it feels that we can't or won't.
-Karen

Answer 2

I am very sorry for your loss. You are not alone in the grief people feel over losing a beloved pet. We had a 1 yr. old boxer that passed away last year due to a hereditary heart disease. I thought I would never get over the grief because he was a very special part of our family, was loved and missed very much by us all. Time does help heal the grief you are going threw. After losing our Rocky I thought I'd never want another dog but coming home without our dog to greet us was hard, so we decided to get another dog. She will never replace our Rocky in our hearts but she is loved just as much and it helps having her to love & take care of. Everyone deals with grief in different ways regardless if it's getting a new pet or some other way. You will make it through the grief. Remember your pet is always in your heart and is in a better place not having to suffer here. Good Luck! Your in my prayers!

Answer 3

It is an awful thing to happen when you lose a pet. I lost my puppy to cancer 8 weeks ago. She was only 18 months old. We have made her a garden in our back yard. It is only a small garden (in a planter box) we have a white rose bush and some beautiful coloured flowers. There is a plaque which says some nice words about Leah and we have buried her ashes there too. I have had a nice photo blown up and framed. I go there and talk to her. I still often cry but it is true, time does heal and it will get better - but you will never forget.

Sorry about your loss, it is also good for you to talk to someone whe your feeling sad and if you don't have anyone you can talk to then there is always here you can post or web sites for owners grieving for their lost pets.

Answer 4

Delia - Everyone deals with death in their own way. Some people have no problem moving on quickly. Others grieve for a long period of time. Please take comfort in in knowing that time will dull the pain of losing a love one. Although your pet is not physically with you, you still have all of the memories etched in your heart.

I lost my beloved Logan Ben last year. We were together for 10 years and I loved him more than I can tell you. His passing was very hard on me. It's now been 10 months since that terrible day, and somehow I have survived, and you will also.

I have attached a web site that is devoted to pet memorials. Why not visit it (click in on "SEARCH") and read some of the loving tributes that people who are experiencing the same pain as you, have put together for their pets. Be forewarned that it will make you cry but at the same time, it shows some very loving and compassionate people expressing their feelings for their departed pets.

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your beloved dog.

http://www.critters.com/create.html

Answer 5

Yes, it is good to love the pets and grieve over the loss, but if you cannot achieve closure, it is time to seek help. Bach Flower Essences and Homeopathic Remedies, EFT, Reiki etc. are good options. Pl. write to me separately for free advice on these different techniques. God bless you.

Answer 6

One day at a time...best advice! When we had to put my cat down...my husband went and got me a kitten a few weeks later. It didn't replace the lost kitty but the kitten took away some of the empty feelings... you'll be okay...just breathe...

Answer 7

My dog/best friend died just over a year ago. Only time heals such a wound. It will always hurt, but it does get better.

Answer 8

I know how you feel. When you find yourself thinking about your dog, try to think of the good times you both had, which might make you laugh. If this does not work distract yourself from thinking about it, but it is ok to miss them.

Answer 9

my dog died a couple of weeks ago but i got on i still had photos of him i will never forget him he was my best ffreind but i cant hold back for ever. stop greving he wouldent whant that . hes in a better palce

Answer 10

when my dad had to put my dog to sleep we got him an ern and put his name (littleboy) on a little plate attached to the ern and placed his picture on top of it. he is always with us. his sister misses him the most. she is now not doing well. she will be with him soon. i love my littleboy and brandy. they were the cutties and best pets i had before i got my cat prince. it will pass, just remember all the good times u had with your dog. that always helps me. everytime i go to my parents i say hi to him. and i know he is sitting next to me waggin his tail.

Answer 11

Get another dog.