I'm 21, a junior in college and have been with the same boyfriend for over two years. Since we've been together, I've been the partner who has actively tried to please the other. I regularly buy small gifts, help him out by giving him rides when he doesn't feel like driving, and help him with his homework. Additionally, he can be very demanding with these 'favors', saying that it's "normal" for a girlfriend to do this for her boyfriend. I rarely (if ever) ask for anything like this in return because I feel like it would be asking too much of him. Though he is very affectionate and constantly wants to be with me, I do not think it is an equal relationship. My friends (as well as his) have often mentioned that he asks far too much of me, and offers little in return. However, I love to be around him because we have such a great time together. We truly are best friends.
I don't know if this behavior is ok, or if my kindness is being abused. Is this acceptable behavior for a boyfriend?
2007-03-22 21:04:33 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he good for friends not more...
2007-03-22 21:06:48 · answer #1 · answered by roy_marzoed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, it's not "normal" for a girlfriend to give into every or all "favors" asked by a boyfriend... or girlfriend for that matter.
It you don't feel like you are his equal, then he probably doesn't see you as an equal either.
A relationship is give and take, not give and give.
Remember it's okay to be best friends, but there's supposed to be more than just that in a serious relationship.
As far as my opinion goes - no, it's not acceptable behavior from a significant other. You aren't his mother, he needs to do some things on his own even if he may not want to.
Continue to be strong as your own person and remember that communication is the key to any healthy relationship. Good luck & take care.
2007-03-22 21:13:04 · answer #2 · answered by AC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an acceptable behavior if you let it happen continuously. Some couples dont mind if one is giving more than the other is returning back. Each individual is different. For me, I would like to have an equal amount returned back to me as much as I gave them. If you feel bothered by this issue, then talk to your bf and be honest about it. Say that you would appreciate a little more from him, especially since you've done a lot more for him. You should ask him to do things for you and dont feel like you are asking too much from him. Take advatage of him, while he's taking advantage of you.
Anyway, If you want a good relationship with him, you need to tell him about this and work this problem out. And trust your instincts on wheter he's using you or just asking help from you because your his gf. If you feel he's using you, move on.
2007-03-22 21:20:10 · answer #3 · answered by =P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are enabling him! He'll never be the man he should because you do everything for him. It is such a tragedy that the boys that are "released" into society are so ill equipped to do for themselves. Do him a favor and make him STAND on his own! You can be nice within reason, but it's obvious it's starting to bother you. Are you feeling resentment yet?
You will, soon if you dont stop. I'm sorry, but driving him around cuz he doesnt FEEL like it , is unacceptable especially when you dont FEEL like it either! Help with his homework? C'mon now and STop showering him with gifts, he should be buying YOU gifts for all that you do. You're training him to treat you like a doormat, sista!
2007-03-22 21:14:41 · answer #4 · answered by FemFatale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he is taking advantage of your sweet and giving nature. You should remind him that we are living in the year 2007 and not in the 1950's when women were at the beck and call of the men in their lives. If all your friends have comented on the situation, then you should listen. A relationship requires not only trust and love but it also a question of give and take aswell as compromise. I would sit him down and tell him that he isn't doing right and that he should also be willing to do things in return.
2007-03-22 21:11:00 · answer #5 · answered by CLEVER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, those things are reasonable things to do for a significant other, but this doesn't quite sound right. Try asking him to do stuff for you a few times. If he doesn't respond well for no good reason, you should probably break up with him. Forget that business about asking too much of him, because I think you really know what is reasonable. Good night!
2007-03-22 21:11:12 · answer #6 · answered by anonymous 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not acceptable behavior your his gf not his butler or his taxi. You dont have to do anything he tells you. Specially if it feels like your being forced to do something you dont. Hes full of crap when hes saying its normal for a gf to do things for her bf. I say you get rid of this low life and find someone who will really start treating you with the respect and love you deserve. Women are the best thing on this earth remember that.
Peace.
2007-03-22 21:10:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To find out, stop doing these "favors" and see if he is still with you after that.
If he's not with you after that, it just means you were convenient for him. Nothing more...
2007-03-22 21:13:58 · answer #8 · answered by liliglorry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends. . . what do you want?
A man who is self-sufficient?
Or a man that you can claim on your tax form as a dependent?
The choice is yours.
2007-03-22 21:11:36 · answer #9 · answered by DaMan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there. You will resent him later.
2007-03-22 21:08:03 · answer #10 · answered by uuummk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋