I found out that my bf may be smoking occasionally and drinking as well (hopefully not an addiction), and I know you all think it's not a big deal, but to me, smoking/drinking is. Another big deal is the fact that he's lying about it. Well not lying, but not telling me that he does it with his best friend. I haven't smelled smoke nor have I seen cigs, etc. but I have people who have told me about specific iinstances where he did do those things. How do I bring it up? Should I just wait to catch him? I would appreciate a girl's P.O.V. first. Thanks!
Oh and it's nothing to break up over at all. I just don't appreciate being lied to or the fact that he's doing things I don't like.
2007-03-22 20:43:29 · 7 answers · asked by greendancingshooz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
we have been dating for a lil over 3 yrs.
2007-03-22 20:57:53 · update #1
Did you specify this when you first got together? My opinion is, you have two choices: 1) let him be himself or 2) try to change him... but I guarantee only one of those will work.
It is not up to you to decide what he does. If he is drinking and smoking (cigarettes I assume) then that is his perrogative. You are not his boss or his mother, and certainly have no say in what he does. You can ask him not to do it, but if he doesn't want to stop, you can't force him to. You will have to decide then if you can still be with him at that point.
I would just bring it up and say, "I'm not trying to start a fight or tell you what to do, but I have heard you are smoking and drinking. Although you can do what you want, I am not so sure I want a boyfriend who does those things" Then see what he says. If he laughs it off and tries to joke about it, then you can be assured he doesn't want to stop. If he seriously says he's done with it, then trust him- this time.
Its hard at a young age to please everybody when you are tempted on all sides to do different things. He has to decide, and so do you, who you want to please. If you really don't like what he is doing, yet he doesn't want to stop, then it's time to move on. Do you want to please him and stay with him, even though it bothers you what he does. Or do you want to please yourself and find someone who doesn't do things that irritate you so much. The choice is yours....
2007-03-22 20:53:18 · answer #1 · answered by TrixyLoo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is not a deal breaker that he is smoking/drinking I would look at why he is lying. Is he lying because you will get upset with the truth thereby making it easier to lie? If it is really only the lie that is bothering you, tell him you know he is doing it and you are concerned but it is his health to ruin so there is no need to tell you he is not doing it.
Frankly if it were me, I'd wait until he smelled like smoke and sniff him and say "Ah, had a smoke huh?" like it was no big deal and leave it at that. He can either say yeah or I was with ppl that smoked and either could/would be the truth.
Good luck, HTH
2007-03-23 03:51:08 · answer #2 · answered by Star 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say it Diana Ross style,
"Respectfully
I say to thee,
I'm aware
that you're lying".
You are so right.
When your man KNOWINGLY and WILLFULLY lies to you to protect his own selfish bad habits (which could escalate to addictions), that is not a good reason to leave him.
In fact, I can think of no offense a man could commit against his woman that would warrant you breaking up over him.
You are supposed to be loyal to him in ALL instances, even when he is abusing you, disrespecting you, and belittling you.
2007-03-23 03:52:59 · answer #3 · answered by DaMan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He probably knows it's a big deal to you and doesnt want you to know so that you will still like him. My boyfriend was like that too (many many years ago). I asked him about it and he admitted. He said I didn't tell you cause I thought you would leave me if you knew.
::Sweet puppy love::
2007-03-23 04:03:16 · answer #4 · answered by liliglorry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just say.. "so and so told me they say you smoking, is this true" let him know you won't be mad and that you just want the truth. also, i'm prettty sure you would know if he had an addiction to alcohol.. people don't get addicted from occasionally drinking.
2007-03-23 03:47:19 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ bp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well In My opinion..I feel very strongly about smoking/drinking...becasue im not a kinda person that does that....if i thought my b/f was doing it....id confront him saying "please tell me the truth....are u doing (those) things?"
see how he reacts to them and all...u can tell if ur b/f is lying.
2007-03-23 03:50:04 · answer #6 · answered by Lauren A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bring things up that you know will condratict him and make him reveal himself to you! X
2007-03-23 03:47:22 · answer #7 · answered by anything2getin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋