Do you like it or hate it? What could be done to make it better?
Thanks for reading.
Closer
The closest of friends,
But I want to be closer,
When I see you,
You lift me up,
When you're not here,
I fall without you,
I just want to stay high all day.
He loves you,
And she loves me,
But you don't love him,
And I don't love her,
But I do love you.
A mirror of what I see,
You've made me a better person,
I find it hard to tell you,
That you're the only person I see.
Is it worth losing,
Two loves for one,
If that one love,
Is greater than the two?
2007-03-22 20:27:45 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you can write a poem and be vague about your meaning without confusing your audience. you want to leave the reader with possibilities of other meanings or at least give them a sense of what you meant to say.
i get that you like someone and you're in a relationship and so is she but you're not happy... i get that... it's simple and maybe even a bit cheesy. in some circles, this can be a good thing especially if you're trying to woo a girl (because with girls, cheesy can be excellent). but otherwise, it's like when your single friends have to hear you talk about how in love you are... they all just want to vomit. to me, this poem is meant for one person and i'm not it's directed audience so i have no real interest in it. if it were written like...
the soft rays bounce off the water
spraying a prism of colour into your eyes
the breathless vision of ultraviolet light
plummeting into heavenly highs
hearts in check with their reasonable lies
then it gets a little more... illustrious.
2007-03-22 21:08:37 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have read the poem 4 times, and still confused. In a poem every line has a meaning, that fifils the meaning of the line before, or expplains it. Your point is confusing, maybe it is just me, i am sure you put your feelings into it, othervise you would not even be able to call it a poem, but try to make it more understandable and do not jump from point to point. Make a statement.Have a clear topic. Ant it would be nice if your poem would have a name, because usualy from the headline the reader would be more focused on your main idea that you are trying to write about, because poems are very personal, and not everubody can see main point without a hint. I hope i am not too confusing. :)
2007-03-22 20:47:55 · answer #2 · answered by Julia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not always have got to rhyme but it surely demands to hit my feelings. I suppose readability of expression is foremost as good. I do not love to moment wager what I'm studying approximately. I constantly seem for what I time period "poetic gemstones"within the textual content.
2016-09-05 12:52:08 · answer #3 · answered by piekarski 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont like it.
it doesnt rhyme..hehe
try to use words that rhyme in the end of each line
also in the 1st line
i think it lacks "we're"
were the closest of friends
good luck wid ur poem..the meaning is nice
2007-03-22 20:33:11 · answer #4 · answered by rebbie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice, but you need to be making some decisions instead of just writing about your confusion.
2007-03-22 20:32:59 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe u can just cancel the 2nd paragraph. It is confusing.
2007-03-22 20:31:55 · answer #6 · answered by snowybunny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So deep, so passionate. Is this based off of your life? it's amazing!^_^
2007-03-22 20:49:20 · answer #7 · answered by ♥•♥Melody♥•♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea make a conclusion, but its good. i like it
2007-03-22 20:34:25 · answer #8 · answered by avenger3692000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this poem confuses me a lot... i dont know... maybe just follow your heart... i think...
2007-03-22 20:33:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds really good.
2007-03-22 20:36:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋