An Etiquette/Good Neighbours Question?

Question

I have a 'ticklish: neighbours problem.My neighbour is a longtime bulaemic. She has not spoken to me about this but our homes are very close, especially her bathroom and our back yard and several times a day I hear the her vomiting. This has been going on for years. We have been neighbours for nearly twenty years and although friendly enough I am definitely not close enough to her to raise this issue. She is not a young girl, probably late 30's. There are times when the sounds from her bathroom,/toilet nearly make me sick and certainly make me feel queasy . I have to try and avoid being out in my yard or on my patio at various times, generally around mealtimes or an hour or two afterwards, but the lady is a shiftworker so this can also happen at odd times through the day. I am also concerned because I have a young and impressionable teenage girl who can't help but hear all this and is starting to query it. Please. I AM sorry for my neighbour but I CAN'T broach the subject. Any ideas?

Answer 1

honey, i know you're not close enough with her to talk about it, but you have to realize that she has an eating disorder and it could affect her body severely. if she becomes ill and lands in the hospital battling death, you'd wish you brought it up sooner. calmly tell her that you can hear her in the bathroom from your home and your daughter can also hear and you are just concerned for her. it's not like you were eavesdropping or anything! it's affecting your lifestyle and you fear that your daughter may pick up on it. she needs to know.

Answer 2

Maybe you could contact a local clinic which deals with eating disorders and get a bronchure about bulemia and put it in her mailbox or stick it in her front door when she's not home. It might not do any good, but who knows?

I understand your reluctance to raise such a personal issue with someone you aren't that close to, but you could just say something like, "Are you feeling well?" or "Is someone in your house sick?". If she says "no", then drop the subject. But at least it will make her aware that her problem is not as hidden as she probably thinks it is.

If it comes right down to it, you could simply tell her that you are distressed by the sounds and it is intruding upon your space and your privacy. You would probably lose what little friendship you have with her, but you deserve to be able to be comfortable in your own home and your own yard. If she were playing loud music, you would complain to her. Just consider it as a neighborhood nuisance that needs to be dealt with.

Or not, if you don't feel comfortable with it. You can continue to suffer in silence. But quite frankly, the older I get, the less BS I am willing to take from others. Life is just too damned short. I try to stay out of other people's way - and if they don't stay out of my way, at least if they intrude on a regular basis, then I let them know that the situation is unacceptable.

Answer 3

Definitely talk to your daughter about this problem! She can pick up on eating disorders anywhere TV, magazines, her friends; not just from your neighbor.
It's important for a young and impressionable girl to hear about the facts from her mother. Ask her if she has questions. Perhaps you can explore the answers together.

Answer 4

Maybe play a tape of someone vomiting loudly the next time you hear her doing so? She will prob realize that if she can hear you...

Or maybe just yell over "Hey are you okay hon!?! Do you need some pepto or something?!?!" as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be concerned about hearing your neighbor get sick (as if it were the 1st time).