Hey, I dont really have a problem with it, normally, but lately, its like crazy. It's to the point where I hurt afterwards. He was my first, and I was his, so i dont really know whats gotten into him, because he never used to be like this. All of the sudden, he's doing things WAY too hard, and i don't know how to tell him I dont like it without sounding like a *****. Normally,I wouldn't say anything, but it hurts, and it shouldn't. How can I tell him nicley? I dont want to bruise his ego...
Thanks everyone..
2007-03-22 18:51:50 · 26 answers · asked by thats_hot_097 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sometimes things escalate and they don't realize they are hurting you. Sometimes they are testing the limits and need you to say something. It's easy to say something during sex, like "please don't hurt me" or "ow! gently please...." (you can add his name - we all love to hear our names, don't we?) or even the next night (or in the morning) tell him you can't play because you are still sore from last night. I have had to explain that if you damage the equipment it will be in the shop for a day or two - so play gentle and you can play every night. Then see if he can get into "exquisitely gentle" on those sore nights.
Peace!
2007-03-22 18:57:51 · answer #1 · answered by carole 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hate to sound like a ***** but ...
You do have a very serious problem.
Why do you believe that you should tolerate anything, including physical pain, to preserve your fiance's ego and/or not sound like a "*****"?
If you are not able to be honest with your fiance about something as "ordinary" as this then maybe you should consider postponing the wedding until you get to know each other a little better.
2007-03-22 19:02:28 · answer #2 · answered by reslstancelsfutlle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine his ego being so extremely fragile and immature that nicely asking him to take it easy because he's hurting you would cause him anguish. Really, if he is completely insensitive to how you're feeling, and can't seem to tell that you are hurting by your face and the way you tense, he may not be such a good lover. Communication will go a long way and he may be able to tell you why he's gotten more extreme, maybe he's feeling less inhibited with you now and showing his passion -- or maybe he's got a secretly sadistic side that he hopes you enjoy too. Whatever it is, you're going to have to bring it up, and if he gets completely upset just by you bringing up the topic in a friendly way, then watch out that you might be dating a potential future abuser.
2007-03-22 18:58:03 · answer #3 · answered by charmedchiclet 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's your fiance? The one you are going to say "till death do us part" and "through sickness and health." The very person who you are will be spending the rest of your life with? The one you will probably have children with? Must I go further?
You will be spending 24 hours a day with him. I'm guessing your in the mid 20s, so you have about 50+ years more to go till "death do us part." Miss, thats 438,000 hours until after that "I do." If you can't be open with your fiance, in all honestly and I don't want to be rude, but that's a disaster waiting to happen. Open up to him and don't worry about his reaction; he loves you and the love feeling will take away all negative comments that's for sure. Sex should be an extension of your love, not some toy to be abused.
Good Luck Miss in your Future Endeavors.
2007-03-22 18:59:53 · answer #4 · answered by Philosophical One 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should sit down with him and maybe start out by saying "I dont want to sound like a ***** or anything...." then just tell him exactly how you are feeling. He obviously loves you very much and he should understand. Dont say that hes going crazy but maybe use the term "getting carried away" Hope this helps.
2007-03-22 18:58:07 · answer #5 · answered by ♥♫§weetTart§amantha♫♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm . . . I've got an idea, but it's a little pretentious . . . tell him that he's got a big one and he needs to be gentle because it hurts. That certainly wouldn't hurt his feelings if he believes it. If he needs that much stimulation to get off, maybe you could squeeze, pulsate, or grind with him inside of you. Good night!
(I'm guessing that he's circumcised. I am too, but I've read that circumcision and the inherent loss of sensitivity can cause problems like this. It's not his fault, and to some extent the foreskin may be restored nonsurgically if he's very patient. But telling him that his problem is because he's circumcised may possibly make him self-conscious, so if you choose to mention it you need to be very supportive.)
2007-03-22 19:48:13 · answer #6 · answered by anonymous 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While in the act you be more vocal and give loud moans and shrieks and this naturally make him go soft with you and you need need not say anything to him and nature would take care of itself. What really happens is the moment the sounds come out from you he would feel that he has given you the maximum you could bear and therefore he would be soft and this is natural for all males as they want to show their ability while in the act.
2007-03-22 18:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by ssmindia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yup, just tell him straight up and nicely. I suspect he thinks you want it that way. Supposedly some women do. Since he has been increasing the roughness and you have not complained, he probably thinks you are into it. I seriously doubt if he knows he is hurting you. I think he just wants to "satisfy" you. Once you give him the truth about this, I think everything will be fine. In fact, I bet he starts asking you just exactly how you do want it because he loves you and wants it to be great for you. Won't that be nice!?!?!
Good luck, hon,
Jon
2007-03-22 19:04:39 · answer #8 · answered by Jon 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just have to tell him nicely honey.
You won't sound like a *****, just tell him that it hurts straight up. He'll understand....tell him to take it light...or say that you want to ride him instead.
I think he was influenced in some kinda way to take you hard...maybe he overheard soem women talking about how they like it rough...or some buddies saying how chicks love to get rammed...us guys are prone to taking something and running with it.
Just keep it real.
2007-03-22 18:58:15 · answer #9 · answered by d_miano81 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go straight to the point and tell him, that you don't enjoy it and it's hurting you a lot. He must have learn it from his friends or some wild chicks. Thinking that being aggressive is a sight of showing of his masculine or being macho? tell him, that not right? tell him you like gentle and I think it's the duration and performance that counts!May you can start to on him first and claim him down.
2007-03-22 19:14:52 · answer #10 · answered by FIXIT 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋