what should I do ? The doctor made me think my mom could not live with DEAD BOWEL I feel like I killed my mom?

Question

The hosiptal let my mother sit for 4 day's befor they did the right test to see what was causing her problem. When they found they said it was to late that the toxin had been in her for 3 to 4 days. DEAD BOWEL and she was going to die no matter what they did, but now i'm finding out that you can live if they remove the DEAD BOWEL . may be not the best of life but you can live I was told she was going to die anyway so he made me make a choice to let her die 1 to 24 hrs or doing nothing or taking all her inside's out that will put her in more pain and she would have brain damage and would not ever come home again or come off the resperrater , that he had onley done one sugery like this befor and the person did'nt like the ending .and my mother will live for onley 3 week's anyway. To me it sound like the doctor did not want to do the surgery so he made me make a choice in 2 min between the to that both end'ed up in death for my mom. so hearing how bad the surgery would be on her it was no

Answer 1

You did not kill your mother. You based your decision on your doctor's recommendation. If the outcome could have been something good, the fault could be blamed on him and not you. We go to doctors because we don't have the medical knowledge they have. They perform or order the tests needed and advise us as to what is found. Lots of times, they are negligent I have found out myself personally. The thing is that we trust in their knowledge and base our decisions or follow their advice and end up with something similar to what you are dealing with now. However, they were the ones who were negligent or mistaken and not us. We based our decision on what they tell/advise us.

I would however, suggest that you speak to an attorney for advice. He might be the next best step you may need to take in reference to this and to find closure.

My condolences for your loss and hope you find peace of mind.

Answer 2

you could have asked for a second opinion from another surgeon. It is possible that your mother's condition may have been serious enough that surgery would not have corrected it. Just because you can live after a bowel resection doesn't mean you will. Besides, you still have to weight the quality of life when making these decisions. Being alive is not the same as living. It is a good example of the need for advance directives and living wills

Answer 3

You didn't kill her; we don't have all the facts but if she was too sick then removing the dead bowel probably would have made no difference. Just because a procedure can be done in theory, it doesn't mean that all patients are good candidates to get it. A surgery like that is very complicated and risky even for a young strong person, and some surgeries are just a death sentence if the patien is already sick and weak, so don't torture yourself about it.

Answer 4

It's not your fault at all. You were just following doctors advice. How were you supposed to know otherwise? I'm sorry that you had to lose your mother. Maybe people can survive dead bowels, but every case is individual, and unfortunately it doesn't sound llike much could be done. Don't feel like you killed her. There's nothing you could have done.