Encouraging Rehab?

Question

My husband is currently incarterated and due for release soon, as the court has said that they would like him to actively seek rehab voluntarily, rather than have him 'committed'. He has a history of alchohol and drug abuse, combined with schizophrenia. He is in jail for the third time since we married in July last year for physical and verbal abuse against me. Some say I am crazy for sticking this out, but I know he is sick and in need of help. Trouble is that he is now trying to find every excuse for not entering rehab. I can't have him home if there is any chance of him drinking etc, but am not sure how to approach the subject of rehab with him without sounding threatening. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Hi bmac, thankyou for your answer, I agree with your conditions 100%. As a recovering alchoholic I guess I have some kind of empathy, I certainly do not like the abuse at all.

Thankyou to everyone who has taken the time to answer my question, I am reading all answers and trying to make sense of my life at the moment. You all have said put me first, and I know you are right

Answer 1

Hi Judles,

At this point it's all about THOUGH LOVE, if you are not strong enough to tell him he can't come home tell after entering and going through all the rehab necessary, then you will never be able too break this cycle and IT HAS TO STOP. You have to protect and be important to your self first and despite the promises he may make to you, you know in your heart that those promises will never take place until he gets the help he needs.

Loving your husband right now is forcing him too get the help he needs, despite how angry he may get or to try and make you feel guilty or bad and he will do all of these things, for forcing him into rehab. All you can do is remind him that you love him and only want what is best for him and that you want him to get better and that your hope would be to strengthen the marriage. BE STRONG, YOU CAN DO IT! I wish you the best of luck.



Sincerely,

Alice H.

Answer 2

Get those that love YOU and HIM together and have an intervention. You can find intervention councelors in your local area that can help you approach them without sounding threatening. You should also set conditions that if he does not comply with rehab that you will start to live for yourself and maybe that means that you will have to move on. You deserve better then an abusive relationship and you know this. Have your family and friends there with you and all of you tell him what he means to you and how much you love him, but also hold him accountable for how his drinking, drug use, abuse, and incarceration has effected all of you.

Answer 3

a difficult situation,no woman should be beaten by a man people are right you are crazy for staying with him,is it love,it it a challenge for you ,some women think they can change a man and his ways.was he abusive,alcoholic and drug user towards you when you were going together or did all change once married.how much time does he have left in jail.if it comes to refusal for rehab,i believe you have little choice.its not the dim dark days anymore people are treated with respect in rehab hospitals.and over 60% come out as new people .i would hate to think he was released,and he started.all over again.rehab is nothing like prison more homely

Answer 4

My fiance has been in your shoes. What she ended up doing is just telling him straight forward that it is either rehab or lose her and he chose the drugs and alcohol. But her father had a woman tell him that same thing because he was an alcoholic and he chose the rehab. And her father is doing great now. Before he got help she wouldn't have anything to do with him for 12 yrs. I hope this helps

Answer 5

omfg, dont listen to these people. your husband needs you right now, like you say he is ill. alcohol and drugs affect peoples personalities and not just when they are high or drunk. the person you are looking after right now isnt your true husband. your true husband is the man you loved on the your wedding day, and really i think you should help him recover to his self. mind you though, i dont really know your situation, if he is literally a druggie woman-batterer and narcisistic etc then get out of there hun and look after number one. but if he is, as i think he is, a person with problems, who wants to change but is having difficulty then please dont leave this man at this worst possible time in his life. dont tell him this, give him say 2 months to at least try to help himself a little, and if you can still see that theres no chance of him vhanging then you need to get back in touch with the hospital or his therapist. he may even be secretly scared of rehab for fear of going back to hospital. you have to look out for both of your own interests in this situation as your husband obviously cant do this for himself right now. he has a massive chance of recovery if he stays off the drugs and booze and attends therapy. you should tell his doctor that hes wont seek help and maybe the doctor will come out. im sorry i could not be of more help, but my heart goes out to both of you. i know youll do whats right in your heart.

Answer 6

I agree that you are crazy to stay with him. If you really want to help him, give him an ultimatum: go to rehab or lose you. If he chooses to not go to rehab, there is no way you can make him better on your own; you will just be enabling his abusive behavior if you stay with him.

Answer 7

Yes, you are crazy for staying with him. The message you send to him is that it's OK to abuse you. You must like it if you stay. And don't use that tired, old excuse..."He's sick and he needs MY help." B.S. IF someone was going to stay in this situation, that person would have to make conditions:

You have to go from the jail to rehab.
You have to stay in rehab for the entire 28 days.
You must continue with AA when you get out.
You must continue to take your mental health medicines.
You must continue to see your counselor.
Not doing even ONE of these things, and it's over. You are gone and he will have to fend for himself alone.

Answer 8

Well sweetheart, you might just have to get real with him,,again. You cannot fix him. I would lay down the law and tell him, rehab and sobriety or the highway. Good Luck!!

Answer 9

i'm sorry. i know that you feel you love him, but you need to realize that he is being very selfish. you need to tell him how selfish he is being in not wanting to clean and sober himself up. you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with him, and tell him that as much as you love him, you have to look out for yourself (and kids if u have them) and you need to tell him that you are not willing to have an unhealthy home life anymore. if he is worthy of your love, then he will gladly change his mind, and TRULY work HARD on changing his life for the better. if he is still not willing to change after you tell him how he is making you feel and hurting YOU besides himself, then you need to move on, and find someone who doesn't have all those problems. i have been married almost 6 yrs, so i know that marriage is a strong and sometimes difficult commitment, but you seriously have to consider yourself sometimes. if he's not willing to change on his own, after you give him the benefit of the doubt, then there is no way you can fix him, and he will have to discover how to fix himself. you will basically be watching him die, my dear. its not fair to you or your kids (if u have them) to have to watch him go through this. he needs to understand that he is seriously hurting you, and if he truly loves you, he won't have the desire to keep hurting you. your marriage will never get better, until he makes himself better. marriage is a serious commitment to love each other for better or for worse in sickness and in health, but if he's not willing to TRY getting healthy again, then why should you be stuck cleaning up his messes and dealing with the problems that his addictions bring?