Getting over a break up/ will I ever make it ?

Question

I finally decided to break up with my bf of 3 years. We could never see eye to eye. Most of our relationship was long distance, my major complaint was that he never had the urge to unite us, he just wanted me to move to him without a proposal, and give up everything I worked for here, a great career, a home and a network of friends. He talked about marriage but never came through, kept saying our arguing was what stopped him. The reason we argued was because I was always telling him how lonely I was without him and how much I want to be with him. He seemed so content with the way things were, and it killed me. The weekend visits were agonizing to me, especially when it was time to say goodbye. It was like my heart was getting ripped out. I love him so much, but been waiting for him to make the move and ask me to marry him, and he wouldnt. I dont get it. I decided to move on, but it is so painful, and draining, I dont know how to do it. How can he do this to me if he loved me ?

Answer 1

How many poems and songs are written about love hurting? Love is like a mental illness, and we all succumb to it. Getting over someone is probably the hardest thing you have to do romantically, more so if it was a long and in depth relationship. it sounds to me like a lot of work went into the relationship and you wanted a lot from it. It is possible your ex just wasn't ready. try spending more time with friends and family, and limit your contact with your ex. Its fine to be friends, but that takes some adjusting. It sounds like you did the right thing though, communicating your needs, and when that didn't work..you made the most adult decision you could. Sometimes love just isn't meant to last between two people and its healthier to let it go. You will be happier when you find someone else. Its an old cliche but time does heal all wounds..it just seems like it takes forever.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear that. Break-ups are never easy, especially if you were together long term. Hang in there. He probably loved you, but long-distance relationships are tough. People become emotionally unattached, with each passing day. You really do have to put in the extra effort to see each other etc... or else you risk becoming so emotionally distant. Maybe, he'll begin to realize what he's lost and he may come back to you. Only time will tell. But if he doesn't, move on. You owe it to yourself to be fullfilled and happy. Don't allow him or ANY man to stop you from loving again. I had to learn that too =). Good luck and hang in there! Broken hearts always heal.

Answer 3

Did your boyfriend live in Florida? Was he my ex boyfriend? No, seriously...lol but ok my boyfriend and I of 3 years just broke up maybe two months ago. It has been hard, we actually lived together so it was super hard. Just be happy you still have your life, I am trying to regain mine, I have really no friends here because my life revolved around him and college, and now I am trying to pick up the pieces, I live on my parents couch which sucks and its been hard. I did however learn in my english class that couples that live together before marriage are 90 percent more likely to break up then married couples which blew my mind because I would have though if you lived together before marriage you would be more use to each others quirks but apparently not. So I would say you can do better than this guy expecially if he picked fights with you which it sounds like he did, and I would say move on, slowly but surely the feelings will go away and you will feel better, its hard...it sure is hard.

Answer 4

I feel your pain. Try knowing someone for 4 years and having an on again off again fling with and never being called someone's girlfriend only to be used as a booty call or someone who only played with your heart until someone else came along. I am still trying to get over the hurt. Its not easy. I am still hoping to get the courage to cut all ties completely. We only e-mail a couple times a year. I am one to stand by my word and I said I wanted him in my life no matter what. But the time has come where I can't be that friend to that person cause it hurts too much.

Answer 5

Yes, you will make it and get over him!! And then you will thank yourself for having the strength to end a relationship that wasn't working for you. And you will thank yourself for freeing yourself up to be able to find someone who really cares and wants to marry you! You will be sooo glad you didn't stay in that relationship. It just wasn't right for you. I know it's very painful, but it WILL get better. Don't try to figure out why he behaved the way he did, just focus on taking care of yourself, pampering yourself, making plans with friends, doing activities that interest you, etc.

I know how you feel. I've been through the same, and so has one of my friends. We are now both in relationships where we are treated much better and are so happy we left the previous ones.

A good book is "It's called a breakup because it's broken" (or similar title). Also, Mars and Venus on a Date is a good relationship book to put things in perspective.

Answer 6

You don't have to get married to have a loving relationship maybe he felt too pressured to get married. Alot of men feel pressure to get married and there is no rush really if it's meant to be it will be marriage or not. He could've commited to you without getting married to you. That could have been the reason he left. As for the pain it will take awhile before your heart heals but just know it will happen.

Answer 7

Be strong girl! I know it seriously hurts when you break up with someone who you loved deeply, but know that it was for the best of you two. Its good you decided to move on because your relationship was obviously not going to work out because you didnt want to move to him and he probably didnt want to move to you. A relationship wont work unless two people make a compromise. He might be a good guy for you, but if you cant work out some things, then its possible that the relationship will fail eventually. Anyway, you guys can still be friends afterwards.

Answer 8

The saddest thing is loving someone, but not agreeing with eachother. People can love eachother deeply, and still not be right for eachother. If they want different things from the relationship, then usually one of them will end up unsatisfied. In your heart, you will always love your old boyfriend,(and he will love you) but you can find someone just as good as him who values what you do and isnt afraid of the commitment you desire. I'm sure youll be able to move on, although at first it may not be easy. But, if you ever need to vent your friends here at Yahoo! Answers will listen.:)

Answer 9

It's time to move on. Focus on your own life - your work, that network of friends. Go out and meet new people. Take a class or join a club. The more you have going on in your own life to fill the space he used to take up, the easier it will be. Stop thinking of this as something he did to you, and start thinking about how you can move on.

Answer 10

im sure he doesnt mean to hurt you. you may have and still both love each other very much, but maybe its just not meant to be. or maybe you both need to work it out. maybe it needs time.

whatever it is, i believe fate handles everything. it will sort itself out.

breakups are hard, but they are life lessons. alot of people go through it. so grab some tissues, have some good freinds around, talk it out and cry if you need to.

but whatever mistakes were made, you will learn for next time.

thanks life for you!

--carly