problems with religion...?

Question

I just had a baby, and already my mother-in-law is trying to talk me into raising the baby in her religion. Problem is, she knows that I already have a religion and it's almost completely opposite hers. One day she even came through my front door, without knocking and completely unannounced, with the pastor from her church to try to talk me into it as well. She's otherwise a very sweet person, and a great grandmother. But if I just come out and tell her my beliefs and how I want to raise my son, I know she would freak out and be really mad. I've tried politely telling her, but she pretends she didn't hear me and keeps on trying. My husband says he doesn't care what religion our son grows up with. In fact, when his mother was raising him she didn't raise him on these beliefs she's trying to force on my son. He also won't tell her how he feels, he just sits quietly and says nothing, which makes her think I'm forcing him on "my side". And I'm really not! What do I do?!?

by the way, I have descussed it with my husband and he agrees with me, and we agree to also let our son choose his own religion when he's old enough. But he was raised EXTREMELY old fashioned, was strictly home-schooled, and never even traveled outside the county he was born in until he met me! He trys to stand up to her but just backs down every time. His parents also live right next door, and my main fear is when my sons older and there visiting, she'll go against our wishes and tell him all this "hell fire and brimstone" stuff and scare him into it! I'm not against the religion if it what HE decides, but I don't want him scared into anything! I've even mentioned moving so we could have some privacy, but my husband says thats out of the question.

i would teach both, but her religion states that if you believe in the things I believe in, you are damned. its not like im into satanism or anything! she's southern baptist btw if that makes any difference.

Answer 1

Wow, tough one. Regardless, I think you should continue to politely decline her suggestions. Ultimately YOU and your husband are the ones raising this child. You can raise him with any religious beliefs you deem fit.

You never know, when he is older he may decide that neither religion is right for him and pick something different from the both of you.

Answer 2

This is a rough one, especially if your husband won't stand up to his mom.
But, you need to decide what is best for YOUR family (not mom in law). I'm not sure of the situation, is this Jewish vs. Catholic, or Christian vs. Islam, or what?
My friend married a Persian man (she was Christian) and they are divorced now, but still bringing their kids up to understand both religions so that they can make their own choice when they are older. This may be the best truce with Grandma, is to expose the kids to both religions (maybe one weekend at your house of worship and the next week with grandma?) and let the babies make their own decision.
This way Grandma won't feel "shunned" like you are immediately putting her religion out of the question, but you will have more "infuence" by being able to discuss the day's lessons with the child when he/she goes to YOUR service, and also reinforce daily readings from the Bible, or the Koran, or whatever it is that YOU believe. Grandma, I assume, won't have this DAILY contact, so it may sink in more.

Answer 3

Well, i'd say that its your baby. You should raise him the way you want to, tell your mother that. She should respect it and leave it at that. Why is she so scared about you home-schooling the child? Whats the worse that could happen? Just bring him to many clubs,social activities,ect.

When hes old enough to understand let him choose his own religion. Your mother has no right to be stompin into your house with a priest. I know you'll be alright, and best of luck.

Answer 4

I would move. Far away. Not just to the other end of town.
If that is not an option, I'd say this is a case of husband & wife need to stand together as a unit. And, all the talking is done by husband to his side, you to your side.

Repeating, politely and firmly what you've said in the question. Some unpleasantness will happen, and looks like it cannot be avoided!

Answer 5

Have you ever thought of reminding her that, no matter what religion that child is, practically every religion in the world deems children as innocents and right now he would go wherever he needs to go if he left this earth? He doesn't need to be saved yet because he hasn't been "poisoned" by this earth yet. Maybe she will back off after you remind her of that and how it applies to her religion.

Edited-My first suggestion would be to move. Living next door to your in-laws is one of the most difficult things to deal with. It's as bad as living next door to your landlord!

Also, it sounds as if she is older and repenting for her own life and possibly concered about where she may be going when SHE leaves here. It's called "hector projector" and she sounds like she is trying to save her own soul by saving yours and your sons.

If your husband supports you then he needs to stand up to his mother and tell her that. It is HIS mother afterall and he need to set some boundaries if she is not respecting yours.

Answer 6

I understand where you're coming from. I haven't got a kid to tell you what to do - but knowing that my father in law is a different culture himself, he married opposit culture. Now that he's got his son (my husband) he tries to force him things that he himself did not do for his daddy! So, my question is that when one day i myself have a baby, then i bet he will try to force on us things that I myself am a complite different culture.

So, best thing is to tell her to back off. Not be cheated how sweet she is - as you said she's sweet - not all mother in laws can be 100% sweet, I think that they want to rule your life and to my opinion, I think you are the sweet one here, and she is walking over you and your new born dream babe!

Go strong and put your own boundaries in this, YOU are the mother, your mother in law won't live forever! But you will!

Answer 7

wow...tough..you need to have a real good talk with your husband first of all so that you guys can try to agree on something..then approach his mother together and announce what you plan doing with you son, not that you need to , but so that she is well informed and knows that you are sticking to it! Maybe once she knows that you are clearly defined in what you want, she'll back off. She can give imput but ultimately the decision is up to you and your husband. I also suggest getting another lock on your door (lol)

Answer 8

You need to stand up for what YOU WANT for your son. There will be many more instances like this, and if you don't get this one, you are going to be sad as you watch your say in his life get snatched from you. I have made it clear from the beginning that I am my son's mother and what I say, goes.
What would you rather have... a grandmother that monopolizes your son and who likes you? or you protecting your own family and a son who loves you and a family who respects you?
Stand up for your baby. (and yourself)\
Good luck!

Answer 9

I'm guessing she is Christian, in which case you should point out that when the bible talks about marriage, the man LEAVES his mother and father to create his own family, at which point her opinion on ALL subject pertaining to your family became as irrelevant as any other person's in the world. Maybe it'd even be a good idea to threaten to not let her see the kid... every grandparent's worst nightmare....

Answer 10

You mother in law is a totally uncultered and ignorant person.what religion ur son grows is ur own interest and no one can interfere with that except ur husband