I am about to get separated with my husband so I have done alot of thinking. I am wondering if there is actually something wrong with him heres the things which concern me:
- When we argued I yelled, mostly bec he wouldn't let me take a break from arguing. He used to start cutting his chest open any time I yelled. This of course would get me even more upset. When I begged him to stop he said what else will stop you yelling? He only stopped when a doctor commented on it.
- He has a huge fear of what others will think. To the point where he refuses to get counselling, and makes any excuse not to go. He doesn't speak to even his best friend about problems. And now he is acting to others as if there is nothing wrong with us - even when I am living elsewhere.
- He doesn't take responsibility for things he does wrong, or apologise unless I do first.
- Hes very controlling but doens't seem to see anything wrong with it.
Is something wrong or is it possible to b normal
2007-03-22 17:12:53 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Miss Jas:; The answer to your question is in your first sentence, "I am about to get separated with my husband". Miss Jas, it just doesn't matter. I am not a psychologist or a doctor of any kind but I would say he needs help. People who self-mutilate need to get treatment for this compulsion. You need to divorce this person. He is not well. If you love him tell him that you will consider getting back together with him if he enters a treatment program. Get away from him before he starts to beat you. He has overwhelming problems. Sorry. -k-
2007-03-22 17:22:43 · answer #1 · answered by kbama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think this may be a behavior problem. When the stress heats up it seems like he may get out of control. Maybe when he was a child, something had happened and this is the only way he can deal with it. My exhusband would do some weird things like you mentioned, when the stress was high. I asked my doctor about these behaviors and said it wasn't normal. I talked to a counselor about what he was doing and trying to figure out. My ex was scared to get help because he thought that they would send him to the looney bin. We ended up in divorce too because i couldn't deal with his problems and mine at the same time. Maybe there is something wrong with him, and what he is doing is normal to him, but may drive you to the point that you give up on the marriage. Been there before. Hope you figure out what is wrong.
2007-03-23 00:22:15 · answer #2 · answered by mr_and_mrs.x 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Self-mutilation, sociopathic and paranoid behaviour, he definitely needs to see a psychologist before things get even more out of control here. But, unfortunately you can't make him go, he has to want to. In some states though, if things get too far out of hand to the point he's going to harm himself or someone else, you can have a loved one committed to a psychiatric unit for up to 72 hours where he'll be diagnosed, treated, and referred to therapy. You'll likely need proof and a court order though, so if he does it again call the police.
2007-03-23 00:25:21 · answer #3 · answered by Karma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its possibe there could be something wrong, but excuse me for saying this it sounds like he wants to make you the villian and he be the perfect one. In other words you are always wrong and he is not. If he is a control freak then leave him at the curb. Take it from someone who knows what they are talking about, you will never have a life as long as you live with this man. I hope that you can find the courage to do what you know you have to. Good luck to you hun and God bless you.
2007-03-23 00:23:49 · answer #4 · answered by karen v 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Miss Jasmine, wow I didn't know about the cutting stuff. This sounds serious. The cutting is an attempt to manipulate you. The control is his way of maintaining security. Man, I can understand his fear of what others think. This is a huge stumbling block. He needs to get over it.
The shirking responsibility is a deflecting tactic to deal with his inadequacy in this relationship.
He can get out of this. It's possible. He needs to grow though. Only he can bring himself out of this. You cannot do it for him. It will make you insane if you try.
Read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. This book can really help you. It will show you its NOT you. It can instruct you on how to respond. It will give wonderful examples of destructive behavior. It can help with the insanity of being put down by another person whom you love. It will explain that YOU cannot change or control another person. You have to be content that YOU are doing and have done everything you can to help them. It is up to them to step out of where they are and ASK for help. It will help with your pain. I promise you. Go get the book tomorrow. I sincerely wish you well and will pray for you and your husband to resolve things.
All this is said with the assumption that he is not endangering you in any way. If he is, get out the relationship fast. This will only get worse.
Email me if you need a listening ear.
2007-03-23 00:47:23 · answer #5 · answered by bigdaddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes there is something wrong with your husband. He may have some type of borderline personality disorder and since he will not confront his problems he can't be helped.
I would surround yourself with family and friends during this time in your life. I don't mean to scare you and I'm not a psychologist but your husband's behavior is worrysome. Because he is concerned about presenting such a pristine image he may be a sociopath.
2007-03-23 03:35:39 · answer #6 · answered by minuteblue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's abusive.
The cutting thing is used simply to control and manipulate you. Don't fall for it. I don't care how gross or painful it gets. he is doing it to himself. Don't believe him if he tries to pin it on you by saying, "You did this to me." He's in control of his own actions and he's using it to get the better of you.
I was married to a similar nightmare. He won't change for you or anyone. As long as he has someone who he can manipulate, he is not going to participate in mature arguments, do things because they are right and not because of what someone will think, take responsibility for what he does wrong, or ever see anything wrong with being a controlling jerk.
Get out, salvage what's left of your life, build your life from there, and move on. Life's too short to spend it with people who treat you like that.
2007-03-23 00:22:55 · answer #7 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a doctor or psychiatrist but your husband definitely has problems, and from what you have said it sounds like schizophrenia. I am living through similar circumstances to you and believe me it does not get better. I have been and will stick with my husband only, and I really mean only, if he actively seeks help. If not ,for my own safety and sanity I will have to walk away, I would suggest to you to do the same.
2007-03-23 00:30:28 · answer #8 · answered by judles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you share a family doctor? If yes, then you need to share this info with the doc so that he/she can help him. He is NOT schizo, but he does require some treatment for depressive symptoms. Good luck, but do not be an enabler. What I mean is, do not turn your back and pretend he is fine, because he is not.
2007-03-23 00:23:24 · answer #9 · answered by The Canadian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
K...I'm not a doctor...but I am a THINKER. You need to leave and stay gone. Unless, of course, he gets professional help, AND he is able to prove to you that he got help. Ever see the Simpson's episode when Homer gets a stamp that says he is sane...something along those lines.
2007-03-25 21:08:35 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Tiilynn♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋