I have a 7 year old and a 3 year old. Their Dad walked away from us and is very inconsisant with his contact with them. He doesn't live close to us but he was phoning for a while and then he stopped. This happens a lot and sometimes the kids won't hear from their Dad for 6 months. How do I help my children get through these times. I never say anything negative about their father either. He gave me my children and for that I am grateful. Just because we didn't get along doesn't mean that I don't want him to have contact with his children. But unfortunatly the kind of relationship he is building with his children isn't healthy and has begun to really take a toll on my children. It is so confusing for them. I just want to help them the best I can but I don't know what that is. Any hints out there????
2007-03-22 16:46:38 · 7 answers · asked by Robyn K 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
If he says that he's going to pick them up and doesn't and they cry and want to know why, just wrap your loving arms around them and say, "I don't know why he didn't come, but I love you very much."
Never try to make excuses for him. And you're doing the right thing by not bad mouthing him.
They will figure it out.
2007-03-25 08:46:15 · answer #1 · answered by lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My kids father was the same way and it killed me inside that they didn't have much of a relationship with him. I always kept the door open for him to see the kids whenever he wanted but never talked much about him around the kids so they wouldn't expect anything from him. He finally starting coming around and paying child support after about 10 years and though he dosen't see them more than a dozen times a year I still contact him to let him know about events in hopes that he might come to a game, it's the best you can do, the kids will see him for what he really is on thier own, just make sure you're always there for them becuase you are now mom and dad to them
2007-03-22 23:53:40 · answer #2 · answered by dreamer2606 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know for the 3 year old it will be really hard for you but for the 7 year old you should not ever denien the child from having contact with the other parent cause if you do then that child will alway blame you for there father not being there. but always be truthful to the child about why he hasn't talk to there dad in 6 months, 8 months or what ever time he spents not contacting them. cause then the child will always know that it was the fathers choice to not be there not cause you wouldn't let him be. and for the children to come around and do as you want them to spend at much time with them as you can, to show them that your the one that is there for them, and if they have any favorite uncles then that would be the best thing for them too. They will really understand better then you thing they will. and the more activity in there lives will make things much easier for them. do you know that the best way to fix that when they ask why they don't see there father or talk to him after a while tell them i don't know dear why don't you ask your dad that question and it will make him think twice on how often he gets a hold of them.
I did that with my daughter and her father when she was 4 years old cause she keep asking me why don't my daddy call me or come see me and when he got asked that question he couldn't ansawer it but he didn't miss another weekend of talking to her at least untill the day he died, it truelly helps.
i have a 6 year old boy that has only seen his father a total of a dozen times since birth and he talks to him maybe once ever year in a half, but he knows that it is hes fathers choice to not be be there not cause i won't let him be.
2007-03-23 00:08:47 · answer #3 · answered by llil_thang 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hearing things like this makes me so angry. Honestly I don't think most men ever stop being children. I mean that many do not have the ability to see how their actions affect others!! I've heard this story so many times.
I think at some point you have to draw the line, make it official, go to court. Set up guide lines that he should follow, if he doesn't stop contact until the children are old enough to form balanced opinions of their own.
He should understand that you don't want to teach you children that his behaviour is OK, because it is not. He should be taking as much responsibility for their emotional well being as you, even if you are not asking for financial support.
You don't have to say anything negative about you Ex but you do need to teach your children about responsibility.
Good Luck
2007-03-23 00:27:38 · answer #4 · answered by BooBam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my ex was the same way and i told him to make up his mind that i would not let him he a part time father or a pop in dad he had to either be there as a father or just walk away from them
it is to confusing for a child to see parent inconsistently i understand it is hard for him not to be a full time dad but he needs to think about what is best for the kids
2007-03-23 03:09:31 · answer #5 · answered by debrasearch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i had the same problem with my kids mom....its better now but still not enough. all you can do is love your kids. i just hope that when they are older and look back at their childhood they are going to see how things really were. You can't make excuses for him but it is also good that you don't put him down in front of them. Believe me I know how hard it is not to do that too.
2007-03-23 00:02:20 · answer #6 · answered by savant365 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would discontinue all contact until this guy gets serious. And yeah, you have the right to make him prove it. If he wants to be a part of his kid's life make him go to court and spend the money to get a lawyer and listen to what weak *** story they try to sell the judge.
2007-03-22 23:53:37 · answer #7 · answered by JOHN 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋