What would you do in this situation?

Question

My grandma lives with us and all she does all day is talk on the phone for at least 5 hours a day. This ties up our phone lines and she doesn't hear the call waiting so those who try and call us cant get through while she is on the phone. She lyes in bed on the phone talking bad about everyone. I am getting tired of it. One time she called my mother a lousy housewife and cook. She also buys and buys and buys. Everyday something new is coming to the house. Her room is so cluttered right now because half of the stuff she buys she does not use. When she came here she had at least 5 charges totaling $40,00 and she had to pay those off and now has no more money in the bank except what she recieves monthly from retirement. I can't stand it anymore she was left with 13 houses from her 2nd husband and has no money. The state she left us her house in was unbearable we found so many new things that she had never used and we had to clean it all out and redo it for people to rent it.

I can't stand living with her anymore and my mom refuses to say anything because it's my dad's mother. I also can't stand waking up at 8:00 in the morning and seeing her eating a full meal like chicken and rice or soup.

Answer 1

Wow this sounds like something I am going through! My great aunt is staying with us and she sounds so similar to your grandma. In August of last year I went to visit her in GA where she lived with her neice who's about 65. They were not getting along from what I saw her neice was picking on her like a child and just acting crazy plus my aunt would complain to me about how she stole her stuff. Long story short, the next month we came to bring her to NJ to stay with us until she got into one of those senior assited living places( she wants to go we want her to stay w/ us).

She ties up the phone for hours and can't hear the call waiting beep so we miss calls and when the calls do come through, we're lucky if we even know the right person who called or we never get the message. She also will tell the person calling for you too much information; where you went, when you left and you know for some people that call your house that's none of their business!
She gets on the phone and talks bad about me and my mom but then when you walk in in the middle of one of her conversations, she says immediately
"oh they are so good to me, I couldn't ask for more!"--so phoney

Also, she repeats ANYTHING you tell her to the next person and get this, sometimes the person she tells gets words that you never spoke. In other words, she makes up stuff you never said when she tells the story to the next person. This is why when she starts talking, I keep my mouth shut because it is just asking for my name to come up as saying something I never even said. But even keeping my mouth shut isn't good enough anymore, just being in the same room as her conversation will later be told as "D(me) said that about such and such"!
We do everything we can to please her and never complain and I know she is elderly but it just gets ridiculous sometimes.
I do anything she ask me to wash clothes, fix food, take her places but she stil complains. One day she didn't hear me coming downstairs and I heard her tell my mom "D can help you more around the house you know wash clothes, cook food, clean" All of which I already do at home plus the times I do it for her!

She has no loyalty, it's whoever can do what she wants, when she wants. My uncle came to take her to Walmart so I said I wanted to go. Well didn't that cause a fiasco! I always go with her to help her out but I also tell her to put things back because if I don't, my house will look like you described your grandma's room. So that day she lied and told my uncle I was sick and I couldn't go and she asked his new girlfriend(that none of us like she's a snob) to go and help her. When I told my uncle I was going he flipped out and told me his gf was already going why did I have to come? ( he's just mean sometimes) then she takes his side and says" Well I don't want D to go, she interfears with my shopping" She turned on me so quickly! Mind you, the day before I had discovered (nobody else really has time for her) that CVS was giving her someone else's medicine and made all of the phone calls to get it straightened out. But that didn't matter to her because my uncle and his new gf where taking her shopping so I was garbage to her.

People only see her age but she does little slick things here and there. For example, on Christmas she told one of grandfather's female friends that we were going to his other female friend's house for dinner, and got him in trouble. What he is doing is wrong, but what was the point of her doing that but only to cause drama? She complains about how cold our house is, so we turn the heat up but also buy her so many flannel pajamas, fleece sets, thermal underwear which she won't wear. She won't wear the stuff we buy her yet, she will complain how cold she is and get on the phone and tell our relative that our house is cold as if we are trying to freeze her out.
I work nights so when I go to use my computer at like 1 in the afternoon. All of a sudden, she has to make some phone calls, mind you she's had all morning to do this before I came downstairs. I have to use dail-up in the mean time until I get mailed a new dsl box so when she has to make those phone calls I can't use my computer.
I love her but she just is RIDICULOUS most of the time.
I know exactly what you are going through but what I try to do is just stay out of her way,be nice to her, but also be weary of her at the same time.

Answer 2

Well, some of this is you being a little silly. She can eat whatever she wants. Lots of people do that. She can buy whatever she wants, it is her money. I'd try to get in good with her. Maybe she will buy you some stuff. As far as the phone goes, this will be the same until your dad gets a backbone and stands up to his mom for the sake of his family. He needs to get her another line with some of that rent money he is getting (or make her do it).

Answer 3

You grandma is lonely and depressed She needs professional mental health help.
As for you, the easies way for you to resolve the problem is for you to move out of the house, if you are old enough to be independent( I do not know your age). But if you are under age still going to school, may be your parents can send you to a boarding school.
.
Dr. O

Answer 4

Well, try talking to her and getting to know her, then avoid making the same mistakes she made and becomming the same type of person she is.Figure out how she got to be the way she is.Try understanding her.You might be surprised at what you learn.When you get older and get a job, you can get a place of your own.

Answer 5

sounds like maybe you should just confront her about the way you feel what are you afraid of ? that she'll take her junk and leave, well obviously you'd be winning in that round , wouldnt you,........no more phone hog and nomore junk, but the money goes with her doesnt it?

Answer 6

That's a tough one. Not sure the answer, but you need to find a way to get her out of the house.

good luck.

Answer 7

grandma need her own phone line ..

Answer 8

i would say to you amanda you just move out i would to do that too