For all the mothers here: is your love towards your husband and your children always equal?

Question

This question just popped out of my head when I think of my Dad who passed away just a year ago. My mom and dad have been together for more than 40 years.

I wonder which hurts more--losing your dearest husband or losing your child?

please please, only mothers should answer.

Answer 1

Well coming from a divorcee. My son would come first. He always will. But there is another type of love not like that of your child. Your love of your life is your husband whether it be the child's father or not. That love of your husband gives you support and devotion and stability unlike that of your child. The way I feel is this if both were falling off a cliff and I was holding both there hands and I had to choose which one fell. We'd all go cause I wouldn't let go to either. That's the devotion both deserve.

Answer 2

Biblically a woman's love is supposed to be stronger for her husband than for her child. The child leaves the home eventually and the woman continues her life with her husband. God, Spouse, Children is the order in which things should be.

However, AS a mother of 3, I have to say, if I had to choose between my husband or my children....well, I'd choose my children. They don't irritate me nearly as much.

And for the several answerers that mentioned the fact about the bond being so strong between mother and child because it started in the womb.....well, I have to disagree. It must come from the heart or simply a mother's instinct or something. I have two biological children and I have one adopted child. I can honestly say I love them the same. I feel completely EQUAL about them. In fact, sometimes I FORGET that I didn't "birth" my adopted son. So I don't think it has anything to do with birthing the child.

I wish that my husband and I had a relationship that rivaled my love for my children. I know of couples that have that kind of love. My parents are one of them. My mom would be devasted if anything happened to me or my brothers. But I think she would be equally devastated if she lost my dad. I feel that way because we almost lost him a few years ago to a brain tumor. I've never seen my mom so hurt and scared. I'm glad she loves my dad that much.

Answer 3

Hell girl! that's some question this time of night [1:25 am UK]

You know I think it's different, like the feelings, but must be equally devastating. I also think that many answering will not be feeling too hot for their husbands anymore whereas our children can seem to do almost anything to us....if they seek forgiveness [for say having done something seriously wrong to us] can't think of an example......we would without a doubt forgive them & the relationship goes on & on......with husbands or wives for that matter, people don't let go & forgive so easily & relationships suffer & wither....therefore our children will always come out in a better light.

We've given birth to our children, memories go waaaaaaaay back to a place that not even husbands can go [in the womb]......having said that I think whether together for 5 years or 50..........to lose a partner that is closer in many ways than a child must be the worst experience to go through as well.

For me to lose one of my children would be equal to losing a part of me that would never return.....but to lose my husband to death would also be to lose a part of me,
If we lose our husband at a younger age we have every chance of loving again, not so easy at an older age after being together for like 40 years or so.....especially if the one lost were the father of all your children & had obviously been around from before the children came along & was still around when all the children had grown & left the nest...........not an easy answer for me to give really, because this question although brilliant would have a different answer to many people..............all I know is if one of my children were to die, I would never recover from it & could never ever meet another person that could fill my childs shoes.........

For your poor mother I feel it would be the losing of her life long partner because he was there before the children, he was the one that was still there when the children grew & left to make their own lives, he's been in her life at every corner & every turn, every piece of joy & every piece of unhappiness....if she had lost a child in death he would have been the one there for her too. She must be feeling so lost & alone at times. she needs lots of hugs.....x

Answer 4

well I think that when you have been with someone for a long time you get to know almost everything about that person. You form a strong bond naturally. But when you conceive a child. You can feel it and it feels you. When you eat it eats. It hears your voice even though it's still in the womb. A lot of it's feelings comes from your feelings. But I think that is the biggest bond there can ever be. That is a bond that no man will ever experience. Maybe in another life. A different kind of love. But yes you can have equal feelings.

Answer 5

Definitely loosing a child trumps all loses or having a child with any type of disability. Husbands are great but life goes on after them. A child was born in your heart and has been a part of you since you were in your mother's womb. The mother child bond is much more intense and profound.

Answer 6

Wow what a good question. I used to ask myself what my purpose here on earth is. After we had our two children I realized it is to raise my children and make sure they become the best they can be.

It is hard to answer something like this unless you have experienced it first hand. But I would think loosing one of my children. My husband and I have experienced life and if he passed I know his life was lived. But a child has so much to live and they need to experience the great love of a spouse. Just my thoughts.

Answer 7

That's hard to say. When your married you love your husband with all your heart; supposedly God made him a perfect fit for you. And then you have children that God blessed you to have. They are more a part of you than he is. You've carried them for 9 months and went through sooo much to have them. You wake up for feedings, little whimpers, witness first everything. But with both you can sense when somethings wrong. I think to an extent we tend to care more for our children (at times) than our husbands. We always put their needs first. I've never lost a husband but I have lost 3 children. All miscarriages. One full term. They were all pretty bad but the full term baby was the worst. I couldn't bear loosing my husband. I think it would be like loosing my sanity because he keeps me sane. But if I lost one of children now it would be like losing my soul. I don't think one hurts more than the other, I think they have to be equal. But the love for your husband and children is not always equal. I think I love my children a little more than my husband because they share my blood and I hope that my husband feels the same.
I am sorry to hear that your mom has lost your father after so many years of being together. My condolences go out to you and your family.

Answer 8

I am sorry for answering this because I am not a mom yet, but I really do think that love for you husband and your children can be two different types of love but they are both as strong and important. Sometimes it's not even the one you love more but the one you are closer to. You might be closer to your husband but love your children more. It's not an easy question though.

Answer 9

Losing anyone you love is always hard.

When an adult dies especially if they have been ill it is I am sure a bit easier to process.

My younger brother died and my mother was never the same after.

My mother was later killed in a car accident and that was also devastating.

My mother died as a result of a lifestyle choice, that had her living a bit of a fast life.
I somehow knew that she would not be with us for long.

My brother was just a kid and his death in my opinion was the result of negligent behavior of the adults in his life.

So my answer is this, it would depend of the cause of death.

Losing my brother and my mother to what seemed to me at the time preventable causes always hurts.

My mother experienced a longer life, my brother was just beginning.

I miss them both terribly and equally.
I loved them both equally, yet differently.

Answer 10

I think to lose either would hurt tremendously, because no one wants to be the one to put thier child in the ground.. that is just not something us parents should have to do.. but also loosing your partner in life, your other half.. that would be so hard to.. cause you are loosing a part of yourself that has helped you to move one for the last 40 years.. Tuff one!!