would you be hurt if your husband asked you to do a paternity test for your unorn babies?

Question

we have tried having kids for 3 years and i am finally pregnant with twins.My fiance has been very supportive and helpful through out.I am due in july and he has asked to have a paternity test just to be sure the babies are his.I am so hurt and dissapointed by the request.It has brought tension and stress in the relationship.I have moved to the spare room of the house we live in together.I cant really ask my friends abou this cos i dont want their noses in my business.do you think i am overeacting.They are definitely his kids i have never been with another man since i met him. do you think i should agree to the test? please let me know

Answer 1

There's a fundamental biological truth that women always know that they're the mothers of their children but men cannot ever be 100% sure that they're the fathers of their children... and even if he doesn't think that you've been with anyone else, he might want the confirmation that he, in fact, was able to produce those miracle children. There's such a stigma to paternity testing that I wish wasn't there... I think it would be great if all babies were tested for paternity (and maternity) at birth and it was put on their birth certificates. Then there wouldn't be so many child support issues, and gossipy relatives would have less to wonder about. My daughter is my husband's and he and I both know this, but because she's blonde and we're not, some of his relatives seem to wonder. It would be nice to just not have those issues.

Answer 2

I don't blame you for feeling hurt, but if you choose to make a baby with a guy you aren't married to, then you've created the problem yourself. Many men (and women) view the girlfriend/boyfriend/fiance thing as MOSTLY exclusive, not completely exclusive, so that creates an uncomfortable reality even for couples who are completely exclusive. He'd be stupid to not get a paternity test done, especially before marriage. If I were his parents, I would certainly insist that he do this.

Unless you are having amnio for some medical reason, you'll have to wait until birth to do the test. It's not covered by insurance, so find out from the hospital what the cost is. There is even several online producers of paternity tests. Stick with one that also works for the legal system.

Finally, I want to add that I totally understand where you are coming from and I would be hurt as well. However, DNA testing has created some social changes that didn't exist before and you just have to go with the flow. Since you know that the babies are his, you can relax and spend some time determining why he has commitment issues (3 years and still not married? What's up with that?).

Answer 3

i would definately be upset if my fiance had asked me for a paternity test. there should be trust in every relationship......

having said that i can sort of understand him for thinking that... only because it has taken a long time to happen he was probably starting to think he may not be able to have kids. but i don't think that it means he's is accusing you of cheating. those thoughts went through my partners mind when i was pregnant too but once our boys were born everything changed. it's up to u if u want to do the test but you never know the babies might look to much like him for him to still want a test! good luck on your birth and congratulations... try not to stress or worry about it. if he still wants a test he's only going to feel stupid when the tests says they are his babies. if u say no to the test it could cause problems he might think u are trying to hide something if u agree u will only get mad at him for not believing u in the first place. good luck i hope i made sense a little

Answer 4

See this is a tough one. On one hand I can understand a mans insecurity in thinking a child may not be his, but if he loves and trust you it shouldn't be an issue.
It is easy for us woman to say he is crazy or whatever, because we don't have to ever wonder, because we are obviously the mothers.
On the other hand though, I would be seriously offended. My boyfriend joked about it with me once, saying if his daughter didn't resemble him he would have one done. I told him you better do it without my knowledge, because if you ask me I will give you one and I will give you my new address too. I was serious and he knew it. It is the ultimate insult, but look at what type of example the media sets when it comes to things like this. Also, in all fairness how do men ever truly know.
So like I said I am on the fence, I get both sides, but I would still leave my boyfriend if he asked, and we have been together for 7 years.

Answer 5

that does sound hurtful. but he could have done it more for his own feelings. after 3 years the poor guy was prolly feeling pretty down about the fact that his little buddies dont work [even tho it totally could have been your body that was having the problems]. you should respect his wants and take the test, you have nothing to lose, right? but you should sit down with him first and CAMLY tell him how he hurt your feelings. look at the bright side, atleast hes not afraid to tell you what he thinks :] open and honest, thats great. of course it could also be a distrust thing. you should ask him why he feels this way. talk it out. obviously you love him or you wouldnt be asking how to fix it. or wanting to have kids with him, hah.

Answer 6

well you are not married if you are sure you have nothing to fear.in any case get the test he has a right to know.i wish my husband had been smart enough to get paternity test because no way are they his kids but he still pays the skank child support on kids that are not his and he doesnt even see.i understand why your feelings are hurt but too many times women lie and trick men you cant blame a guy for being sure.good luck.

Answer 7

I think you should revaluate your relationship all together. Why would he treat you like this? You two finally got what you want, so what is it, can he just not be happy? I completely understand, I imagine your hurt, and confused. I wouldnt give him the test i'd tell him to kiss my butt and that if after three yrs he doesnt trust you any better then that maybe you shouldnt be together. Good luck!

Answer 8

I'd be more than a little upset, I'd be extremely pissed off. No you should not agree to do the test. As long as your being honest and have never cheated on him there is no reason you should do the test. He obviously has trust issues, you both should go to counseling. Or separate for awhile.

Answer 9

I would be very upset and probably move out at that point. He obviously doesn't trust you. I wonder what his motives are. I know my husband has told me many times that even if I had been pregnant with someone else's kid when we met, he would have loved me and the baby like it had been his.

Answer 10

HE's an ***!
this is not cool. if you have been trying for 3 years. Some people are never lucky enough to actually get pregnant after 5 years of trying!