can we live happily and childless?

Question

is it true no kid means hopeless and unhappy?what should Ido
I 43 and my husband 55 married 3 years and no kid.We basicly dont have anything in common but if each respects the other, can still live happily. I dont want kid nor adopt due to physical,mental and financial concerns and our concepts will be very different toward taking care of the kid. I cannot throw away a moldy cutting board,no air con in 90 degree summer.However,he is taught by his family--that no kid no hope and insists and thinks I should either take medicine or surgery to have one.

Answer 1

I can feel the way you feel. If I can't give the best to my kids, I will not have kids at all. If financially unstable, having a kid will only add on to the burden and may cause problems in your family and relationship. Moreover, the child may fall into bad company and cause you more unhappiness than joy.

At your age, there will be high level of pregnancy risk to your baby and yourself if you were to get pregnant and imagine when your child reach 17, you are already 60. Do you still intend to work till past 60 to support your child's education, assuming you are not super rich?

At least if I can still carry on with my lifestyle of having a lavish dinner once in a while, going on a tour yearly and just pampering myself, having no children at all is not that important. You may want to highlight the problems of pregnancy risk to your husband and his family.

Answer 2

It seems to me this would have been worked out before you got married. If you are positive you don't want any children, by all means don't. A child shouldn't be a path to happiness. Happiness between you two should tbe the path to a child. If he can't see that he is a little screwed up, no matter what his family thinks.
A couple can be totally happy without children.
From the way you word your question ie;
married 3 years and no "kid"
your physical, mental and financial concerns,, whatever they may be
your different concepts of caring for the "kid"
and worring about a moldy cutting board and no air conditioning????
These show that you definitely have no desire for a child.
Children need total love from both of their parents not one or the other.

Answer 3

If your husband is insisting that you have a child at 43, then maybe you need to consider whether it's him or not having a child that will make you unhappy. You don't sound like you really want one. If both of you don't really want it, then don't do it because it won't you happy and it won't make the kid happy. Kids are a lot of work. Nevermind that you will be in your 60s by the time it graduates from high school.
Personally, I think if your husband really wanted a kid, he should have thought of that before he was 55 and married a woman in her 40s. Don't compromise your health and/or happiness just so your husband can feel good about having done his duty.

Answer 4

There seems to be a deep inborn urge to reproduce. Although, some have it more than others. I have several children even though I can't say I am really all that maternal, just about the most fertile woman around. But I wouldn't have wanted to have given up motherhood for anything, even though sometime they are very trying. It is an extremely big commitment especially at your age. I find it hard to believe your husband doesn't already have children. Look around, maybe he can scare up an illegitimate one or two who needs him desperately. Sorry, no offense.

Answer 5

Let me tell you something. I LOVE my children, but there's no rule book that says you HAVE to have a child to live a full and happy life. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise! You can fill your life with friends, ppl who love you, and hobbies that you enjoy & live a very rewarding life! I read a story today in 'Chicken Soup for the Soul' about a 30 y/o who loved and taught scrapbooking. An older lady frowned on her because she didn't think she had anything to scrapbook since she wasn't married AND had no children. To make a long story short, the young lady proved to her that she lived a very fulfilling life thru her pictures of friends, travel, college, and a numerous amount of other memorabilia. So, HAPPY LIVING!!!

Answer 6

For anyone who insist's you must have children in order to have a full life, think of all the parent's who neglect and beat their kid's. Or cause their children irreversable harm, simply because they are unable to love and care for their children for whatever reason. Not everyone is parent material. And to assume that anyone can be a good parent is wrong. It's a personal choice and more people should think carefully on it before making it happen. If they did we would have less children living in foster homes, or being abandoned on the streets or living on welfare.

Answer 7

When he married you at 40, didn't he think it was possible you might not want to/couldn't have any? Did you talk about this? I think if you give in, you'll resent him for making you do it. You are not hopeless and you both can be very happy. Would your husband want to leave you for another that he could have a child with? He can stand up for you, even if his family feels differently. YOU are more important as his wife.

Answer 8

My Aunt and Uncle were unfortunately never blessed with children and never adopted. They lavished all their love on us nieces and nephews. I know they wanted some but they have been married for more than 30 years and are happy and childless. (They had 12 nieces and nephews and 5 great nieces and nephews.)

Answer 9

Dear Lord, do not, I repeat DO NOT have a child if you both don't want one.

It will put all of you in a bad situation.

Think about the child if it finds out it was born because it was socially accepted and not because his or her parents wanted it.

Answer 10

Sure you can live happily without children, but having them brings happiness to a whole new level !