this is a update to my friend w/9 year old son me and her have been more involved when ever we are around him?

Question

he doesnt want to bathe himself makes thats right makes her give him a bath he wants to know her every move i try to include him in 95%of our doings last night he piled in her queen size bed i said something he went in his turned his tv wide open she finally ended up going in there and sleeping on his twin bed with him he really bugs me when he does that is there any help for me and her i really like her alotHELP

Answer 1

Keep in mind when you date a single mom, you are are getting a package deal. It is normal for a boy that age to be possessive of his mother, especially if it has just been the two of them for any length of time and to him you are competition, the outsider, a threat. Best you can to is to try to let him know you are not trying to replace his Dad or take his Mom away from him, but you hope that you two can have a relationship as you both really care about his Mom.

It is NOT normal for her to be giving him a bath at that age or good for her to be sleeping in his bed with him. She is the parent and it is up to her to set proper limits on her son and his behavior, but if she hasn't up until now, it is going to be a long, hard road.

It is likely to be a touchy subject, but you need to talk to her about setting healthier limits of behavior for the boy (ex: he bathes on his own or he loses a privileges and she doesn't give into to him having a hissy fit...she can talk to him, calmly explain that he is a big boy an needs to sleep by himself in his own bed then leave the room and if he throws a fit, he throws a fit). She needs to be the one to initiate and enforce the "new rules" not you; it will only make him resent you.

It is not likely a good idea that you be spending the night over at their place when he is there until he gets used to the idea of having you around in general and she sets proper limits with the boy.

Answer 2

Talk to her about how you are feeling and try to sound understanding rather than demanding.

Obviously her son is really her top priority, and that is the way its suppose to be.
Don't bail out on her when times gets tough, you accepted the fact that she had baggage before entering into the relationship now you must deal with the repercussions of that decision.

Just remember that he is only little and you are the adult. Maybe he thinks that YOU are stealing his mum away. . . hang in there! he will grow out of it as he gets older and puberty is only a few years away!