My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. We have a great relationship and we hardly ever fight. About 6 months into our relationship we realized that we loved each other and he said that he wants to get married and have children. Well, in the past year I have been metioning it and he would always have two or three reasons why we couldn't. Most recently the excuse is the he cannot even get me a ring becuase he was not money (even though he just bought tickets and a hotel for us to go to the formula one races.)
To me it seems like he is not thinking about how I feel and that he is being very selfish. What do you think?
2007-03-22 12:20:37 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
He's very comfortable the way thngs are right now. He has you with no strings attached. Why should he change things? A LOT of men want that!
You on the other hand need to make some decisions. How important is being married to you? Do you want this relationship permanent? Or are you happy the way things are?
I don't believe in giving ultimatums. But you have a right to know where this relationship is going, and if he has honorable intentions. Pushing him onto a corner will do one of two things, he'll either realize that you are most definately the one he wants to spend his life with, or he will run away like a little boy, leaving you alone.
We teach people how to treat us. This is setting the tone for the rest of your life. But, it's up to you what you decide
2007-03-22 12:33:53 · answer #1 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is just thinking about the future and he's not sure of how it will turn out. Guys can be afraid of getting married just like girls can and the thing is he loves you and that's all you need to know. At this moment you are together for the time and enjoying each others presence. There is no need to go get yourself into a relationship that might cause you greif in the end. the thing is he wants you to go to the formula one races with him not anyone else in the world. It's something he enjoys and wants you to be a part of it. The point is don't rush into it you both love each other and always will so it doesn't make a difference if you get married tomorrow and next year.Just be patient and enjoy what you have. trust me just wait MARRIGE IS THE BIGGEST THING YOU WILL EVER DO! Think about what you are doing. more than likly you and him have the same feelings for one another.
2007-03-22 12:39:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that I went through the exact same thing. But...5 years into the relationship, we are engaged and getting married this May. After many talks about marriage and children and all that stuff, I would always feel like I came away with a new excuse from him and just wanted a simple "yes, we will get married", or "no, we will not get married", answer. I got the excuses of him not having the money, not being ready for kids, not feeling like he would make a good husband, etc. It really just comes down to him being ready or not. There's not too much you can do or say to change the situation. My feelings were that if I wanted to be with him, I wanted to be with him even if we weren't married and were never going to get married. I had my days where I wanted to call it all off and find someone who would propose to me, but I'm glad I stuck it out. Just let him know that you think he'd make a wonderful husband someday and don't pressure him too much. It's a big step for a guy to make and some of them just need a little extra time. Don't think of it as him being selfish, or you being needy, it's the next step of your relationship and it sounds like you have talked about it before and he's all for it too. So, just give him time to get everything straightened out in his mind and give him a few hints here and there to remind him that you eventually want to get married and have a family. Good luck!
2007-03-22 12:29:17 · answer #3 · answered by jennyss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you feel hurt that he would not buy you an engagement ring. Also say, even though he mentioned marriage, you don't feel he is really ready and now you are having second thoughts. Tell him you feel he is very selfish, and you have decided not to go to the Formula One races with him. Also tell him, that you don't want to see him for a while because you need time to think. See his reaction and if you feel he still has tons of excuses and isn't sympathetic, then think about ending the relationship and moving on. If he feels bad, then get him to make plans for you and him to go engagement ring shopping. I wish you well.
2007-03-25 15:21:35 · answer #4 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd like to get married at some point however the challenge is discovering anybody that I can do this with. And I'd like to be married on the grounds that I suppose like I have plenty to present. I understand how to cook dinner good, I am a blank kind of character, I'm worrying,sincere,dependable,affectionate, and dependable. The challenge is solely discovering anybody that has plenty of well matters to present me as good. If I can not uncover that then I'd alternatively keep unmarried than be with anybody that makes me unsatisfied and does not deal with me good.
2016-09-05 12:29:01 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to explain why he feels this way and if he really meant what he had said about marrying you and having kids.If has gotten cold feet maybe you work through this together and plan on marriage by saving for it. So that if you get married you would not of been surprised by the cost because of the saving for it. however if he says he does not ever want to get married it would be up to you to decide on staying.alot of couples just live together now and have no plans of marriage, just depends if you both agree with it. Good Luck!1
2007-03-22 12:35:51 · answer #6 · answered by peanutbulls 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems you're wedding's not the priority. I know that's harsh....what I meant was, if the 'wedding' part is THAT important to you, then it's awful. If you want a good base to your relationship, you'll have to exercise some patience, and experience some Real Life with him, like the races. Seems his devotion is there, allow a little more time...he might be concerned how things will change after marriage. And with kids, they do. Be honest with him, that you're worried he's backing out. You'll know how long you're willing to wait.
2007-03-22 12:32:07 · answer #7 · answered by momof2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not selfish, he is under no obligation, he din't have to woo you or wait for you why would he marry you now? I tell girls again and again not to live with their man, as far as he's concerned you two are as married as you're getting. He'll never see you as the 'bride in her wedding gown' now, good thing you don't have children!
As time goes by--if this really bothers you [and girl it would me!] give him the ultimatum, but never absolutely never propose to him. btw---He knows exactly how you feel.
2007-03-22 12:28:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The worst thing you can do is pressure him to get married. When he is ready he will come around.
2007-03-22 12:26:23 · answer #9 · answered by tchem75 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm maybe he's unsure of himself and he still isn't ready to settle down yet.
2007-03-22 12:28:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋