Are not children duty-bound to look after their parents in their old age?

Question

This question's background!

(1) When a widowed mother pleads his son for a cataract surgery her well-to-do son asks, "You are sixty! Why a cataract surgery for you now?

(2) A son to his old and infirm parents!
"I am not your only son! Why don't you go and stay with them too? Can they escape this burden?"

(3) The son-in-law's argument! "Is it not an unwritten law that parents should never stay for long in their daughters' house? Ask your parents to go and stay with any of their children! Why should we bother about them"?

(4) I know of a family who regularly go to Church on Sundays; but do not even spend an hour with their widower father.

Surprised? I have quoted real incidents! I was also witness to a son scolding and abusing his 80-year old mother while she was carrying food to her husband. This son frequently wept when he too became a victim of neglect later.

Please look around and reply after introspection.
Let 'Yahoo Answers' make some reflect on this!

Answer 1

___unko baghban movie dikhao i personally feel such ppl should not be called humans a person without feelings is inhuman___

Answer 2

I too have seen some things like this. It makes getting older seem horrible and frankly, I wouldn't be surprised to see some of this in my own family. The answer, if there is any, is to save as much money as you can when you are young (I know it is difficult) and hope and pray you can survive with some planning through the old age years that you do have. A lot has to do with people understanding the concept of money and living below your means. If you can't live below your means, if you spend all you make and more (using credit) and build up a lot of debt, it absolutely throws you for a loop when people demand your help, even your own flesh.
It is sad. Very.

Answer 3

You have brought to light some true incidents but there are many people who actually look after their parents. There are many reasons why people behave like this but I have come across cases where the parents say they do not want to be a burden on any of the kids ....they don't want to live with them but prefer receiving monetary help to look after themselves. It can be stressful for people who have only one earning member in a house or a low income. About people not visiting their old parents when they can...well, that is a shame. As far as I am concerned, when I grow old I wouldn't want my children to be obliged to look after me. I would like to start saving for my old age when I am young and if I can carry on with daily life I could manage on my own. And if I had to ask my kids for anything I would ask for their time. A visit from them every now and then would make me happy.

Answer 4

Good parents love their kids, but as a mother I know that there are times when i am really mad at somethings they say and do. All my anger vanishes when they smile or do something thoughtful.

Likewise as a daughter I love my parents but there are disagreements on many things. The key to a great relationship is "live, let live and Love" , from both the parents and the kids sides.

No can be forced to do anything happily in the name of duty. We can only appeal to their better nature and hope for the best.

Answer 5

It is a sad, but in today's world the elderly are considered replaceable so therefore not important. I do not believe that our parents belong housed in Nursing homes because it is easier than actually caring for our parents ourselves.

My personal view is that children should take care of their parents but unfortunately there are a lot of contributing factors to this phenomena these days.

1. If our children are growing up not being taught respect for the elders, they will not want to respect their parents when they need to.

2. Family's are not there anymore, its not a world of mothers and fathers it is either or, and because of that children are being abused and neglected, not saying all single parent homes are just saying a lot, and those children with all reason are now unwilling to take care of their parents as they where not taken care of as children.

3. Most feel their parents are a burden and they will not Be able to enjoy their life's anymore so it is easier to put them in nursing homes.

It is a sad state of affairs but that is the way it is today It needs to be changed. We have made steps in the right direction to reduce and try to stop child abuse, we have made changes with the developmentaly disabled by removing them from being housed in Mental institutions, but when it comes to our elderly we are still in the dark ages.

Answer 6

our nursing homes are filled with people whose families do not visit, or visit rarely. i often wonder what has happened in the past to make the family treat their mother/father this way.
sadly, a great many of these seniors are reaping what they have sown. not all of them by any means, but certainly a good portion of them are getting what they deserve. a goodly number of them were abusive to their families and their families are not honor-bound to take care of someone like that. so my answer is a very definite NO!
look around you, read some of the stories here on Q&A and you will see the number of adult children who are finally opening up about the abuse they suffered at the hands of their parents. physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional blackmail.
many parents should never have become parents and now that they are little old ladies, or men, looking frail and helpless in their beds/wheelchairs people ooh and aww over them as though they are puppies who just need some loving.
well, its a two way street, they had it their way, and now, it has come back and is biting them in the ***.
your incidents sound horrendous, and will cause folks to wring their hands and say how ungrateful children can be, but you don't know the whole story and you can't possibly know the whole story unless you lived their lives, in their homes.
so please before you point fingers and talk about the poor widowed father. or the mother being asked to move on to the next kid's home. or any other scenario you are given. think about what brought these seniors to such a lonely end of their life. karma, my friend, karma.
unless you have walked in their shoes, lived their lives, you should not stand in judgement.
as i said earlier, many seniors do not deserve to be ignored. many of the extended care units, senior residences, etc. encourage volunteer visitors. i visit an old lady who has no family, never married, never had children and really enjoys not only my company, but that of my daughter. between us we get in to see 'granna' every three or four days. visiting my own mother? no, after being raised by her it took years of counselling before i could even begin to have faith in anyone, trust anyone. i am very fortunate that i met a kind, understanding man who was willing to wait for me. we have a good marriage and wonderful children. that is my life. i fought hard for it. as for my mother, she is where she deserves to be, alone. none of my siblings, none of her sisters, no one visits her, and i am sure somewhere some do-gooder is wringing her hands and breaking her heart wondering why no one visits this 'sweet little old lady'.
i appreciate your caring and kindly concern, just make sure the folks you are so concerned about are deserving.

Answer 7

Yes they are, many don't take on that responsibility but morally they are duty bound to sacrifice their time and their money to those who have sacrificed to take care of them.

I have already taken in and cared for my husbands Grandfather, his Grandmother, and my own Grandmother because their kids would not do it. They had no problem borrow money off them their whole lives and taking every thing they had and selling it. I wouldn't have had a problem with that except for the fact that we paid off all their bills and we paid for all the funeral arrangements. I'm not complaining mind you, I just don't see how any one can take from some one their whole life and not be willing to give back a few years.

When it comes time for my mom and Step dad to pass, I will care for them, And when it is time for the in laws well I will probably take care of their bills and needs also.

That is why a family is considered a circle, the wheel keeps turning and so dose the care. they care for you and fulfill all your needs then you care for them and full fill all their needs.

Answer 8

And I've my experiences are opposite to yours.

1> I know people who care for slgithest problem with their perents health;
2> I know sons requesting their parents to come to them;
3> I know son-in-laws you ask the girl to call in her old parents every now and then. I even know few in-laws who have stayed with their son-in-laws for more than 8 years;
4> I know family who not only cares for their own parents, but for other oldies too.

And I am not surpirsed with your observations too. The world is full of different kind of people. I personally believe that parents should never be ignored. About me, I can't even draem of ignoring my parents. I love them. I love it when the whole of my family gets involved in a family chat and and times we do it for hours.

All the best...

:-)

Answer 9

Of course adult children have a responsibility to caring or making sure that their elderly parents are taken care of. Every situation is different and may need outside intervention for constructive and productive ways that the children(s) do not exhaust themselves as well as the parent needs being met and their happy. Family means something and just as the parents taken care and raising their children; the children needs to recipicate and do the right thing for their parents.

Answer 10

I currently care for my own father (who is widowed and 87 years old) and don't begrudge him that at all. As I remind him, he and my mother took care of me for the first 18 years, I don't think it's too much to ask for a little bit of compassion and time now for him. Even if my brothers do not pitch in. I have to live with myself and be able to live with life when he's no longer around. I don't want to have regrets after he passes of all the things I should have or would have done for him.

Answer 11

even i m a child & i really hate those childern who do like this. when children grow they forget what there parents had done for them. Their parents fulfill their every wish forgetting their happiness. I really can't understand when parents can help them in moving their first step then why can't children help in their last stage of their life. They must understand that if they will not respect their parents then there children will not respect them & they will also go through the same dilema.And according to me its correct even they must get the feeling how it feels when there own children feel them a burden.