i have been having a lot of domestic problems with my husband. we are waiting for our house to sell, then we are going to get a divorce. for the time being, we still live together. i went and talk to his first shirt about it a couple of months ago. i poured my heart out to him. well, in the long run the first shirt did absolutely nothing. my husband desperatley needs help. he's very mentally/verbally abusive to me (and one time physically abusive). he is now telling our toddlers to shut up all the time and he spanks them..hard. this weekend he kicked me out of our house, took my keys and my debit card and left me with nothing but the clothes on my back. he let me come back on sunday though. this is a taste of what i go through all the time. before i ever let him see our little ones after our divorce he needs to seek professional health. can i talk to his commander about this, since his 1st shirt did nothing to help?
2007-03-22 08:49:29 · 11 answers · asked by portuguese_tease 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
ask around for help, you need to get yourself and your kids out of there.
PLEASE do this soon.
2007-03-22 09:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by georgewallace78 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well with my experience with the service (X is a marines) if the chain of command does not want totake care of the situation every base has a family services that is were you need to start and explain to them that his 1st (shirt?) did nothing about this. Also if he is mentaly and Verbaly abuseing you and the kids it is harder to prove then the Physical abuse. The best thing I can recomend to you is that you go seek help with a therapist that way the mental and Verbal is documented through your Therapist. When you go to court and you have these docs you have a better chance of having the courts decide that he needs toget help before he get visitation rights. By the way I am speaking from experience my Husband was verbally abusive and mentally and controling I had to get out because of the kids this is not how I want to them to treat their wives like this or even for my daughter to learn that this is how husband treats his wife. If he does put his hands on the kids and they bruise take pictures and doucument it but remenber by law you can spank a child on the butt with a open hand and if you have to have the MPs come and look at the marks because then it will be documented and if the they dont anything about it it will go up the chain of command and honestly the Military DOES NOT tolerate abuse in any sense. Good Luck
2007-03-22 09:13:03 · answer #2 · answered by ohmy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't put up with this sorry sack of Dog Crap. You have the Upper Hand Here.
I would go to the Post Provost Marshalls office and file a complaint. If you live off post, then go to the local police and file a report of domestic violence Either way they will make him leave, the Company or Battalion will offer him a place to stay and order him to stay away. If you have signs of physical abuse make sure it is reported and documented.
Don't worry about his feelings. You are not doing anything wrong by reporting his abuse.
Stand up for yourself and take the appropriate action. REPORT HIM !!!!
2007-03-22 09:48:51 · answer #3 · answered by Army Veteran 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By the way, I believe you mean First Sergeant; not first shirt. Listen, YOU are not in the military and YOU don't have to follow the Chain of Command. If you want to speak with his commander, then by all means do so soon. Sounds like your husband is under some mental stresses and he does not know how to control it. The only way for him to receive mental health counseling is if he either refers himself or is involuntarily referred. He will not change unless he get s the help he obviously needs. In the meantime, you must do what you can to protect your children and yourself from harm.
He is in bondage to a mental issue. Pray that he will get the help he needs in order to be a successful father in the future.
Bless you.
One more thing, get in contact with whoever, whenever, you want to. Don't let them blow you off! Fight them with legal action if you have to.
2007-03-22 09:07:01 · answer #4 · answered by Goober W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing really you can do, if he NCO, or OIC wont listen to you I would get out of that situation, JAG will talk to you as long as he hasn't gotten to them first. You can talk to them and they might do something but men, especially some service members have a stigma about going to a therapist even though they offer it on base, Have you talked to him about going to couple therapy. Why are you still living with him if he is abusive to you and your kids, I understand waiting for the house to sell but you need to start saving money and getting in touch with a civilian lawyer regarding divorce. In your Divorce contract you can say that you want him to get professional help because of all these things, and you want him to do this before you see the kids. It is hard because if he is really bad, and his NCO, or OIC require him to do something it goes on his record, and a lot of commanders don't want to screw with someone's record if *they* don't think it is bad enough to warrant that. I would go into JAG, and talk to them about it, they can't do much because you are civilian and it would have to go to a civilian court but they can point you in the right direction.
2007-03-22 09:52:24 · answer #5 · answered by Hawaiisweetie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It surprises me that the first sergeant did nothing. As to the CO, that depends on the man. If he is doing his job correctly, he should be willing to help. You didn't mention what branch of the service we're talking about, and that could make a difference. If all else fails, go the the state children's protection agency. That will also eventually get your husband kicked out of the service. If you're telling it like it is, we don't need people like that in the military.
2007-03-22 08:57:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Go to base legal. He cannot do that, and if his company commander knows that you spoke to someone in the C-o-C, it will be handled very expediently, and he will be ordered to treat you with the respect you deserve. That it was schirked is a sign that this needs to go higher up. Maybe you should try the first shirt's boss, before hitting legal. That might shed more light on things for his CO.
2007-03-22 09:01:44 · answer #7 · answered by sjsosullivan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First use a camera to record physical and verbal abuse. Cell phone camera with audio will work well. Then take to Chaplin, and to Military Police and file a complaint. Domestic abuse is a hard landing on the UCMJ.
2007-03-22 08:55:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
you need to pack your clothes and your childrens clothes get in your car and get to a friends or your family or someone. call the cops on him. you cant get a divorce while still living with him get out now before he hurts you or your kids
2007-03-22 09:04:28 · answer #9 · answered by kleighs mommy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think your health (or that of your kids) are in jeopardy, definitely contact military police and/or his unit commander.
2007-03-22 10:06:43 · answer #10 · answered by CPT Jack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you may also need to talk to the Chaplain.
2007-03-22 09:02:02 · answer #11 · answered by twa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋