Mom needs teenager advice?

Question

Hey, this Mom is just now discovering teenagers. My son is 13 and goes to a small private school. His best bud moved a year ago and a couple of the others guys his age also and it's hard for him to bond or have anything in common with the few guys that are his age. He hates sports and doesn't have that in common with most guys so that's a mark against him. Sometimes he feels out of place. He's avoiding social situations and even the youth group at church. What's some good advice? Please tell me this will pass. I'm sad because I miss the little boy that use to like Scobby Do and trains and it breaks my heart to see him suffer any.

Answer 1

This WILL pass. 13 is such an akward age for boys (and girls). He's not a little boy anymore, but he's not yet a man... he needs to be around adult men to learn how men are.
Be understanding that his body is rapidly changing and he has no control over it. Sometime that is a cause of embarrassment for boys. They need to be reminded it happens to ALL boys their age. And , of course, he needs his dad or a male role model to talk with him about his physical changes and his emotions, how to treat girls, sex-related issues, etc.

Having buddies is good, too, but you can't really arrange his social life for him any more. Just make suggestions, like.."Let's go to the movies...Why don't you invite a friend, and I'll drive you." The boys can see a movie they like, and you can see the movie you like.
Other activities my son liked at 13 were amusement parks, water parks, Legos (he STILL likes Legos at 16!) , trading card games, video games. 13 is about the age we enrolled him in martial arts, also.

You are a great mom to show concern... Your son will turn out just fine.

Answer 2

Yes, I think it will pass. I have a 16-year-old son and he went through a similar thing where he didn't really want much to do with anybody. Maybe your son is a little depressed about his friend moving. Also, I think the youth group at church would be excellent and since he doesn't want to attend, I think I would "insist" that he go and at least try it out. If he absolutely hates it he wouldn't have to keep going.

PS: My son never got into sports either, but he finally found his passion a couple of years ago--fishing. Maybe your son would be interested in an individual kind of sport like that.

Answer 3

i am older, but i never really fit into a group. The youth group, well i wasn't popular enough to really feel like part of the group but my dad made me go anyway, and i did have an okay time. I was in the band, which meant tons of trips and after school practices, so that kept me busy, because sports were not my thing. I will say i eventually became a runner, but other than that, I just grew up studying hard, and making good grades. Maybe see if he would be interested in lessons, like guitar or piano. You can do those privately. Or maybe art lessons, cooking lessons(totally fun), Find something to fill his spare time or he will find something not so great, not to say drugs or something like that, but like video games that rot your mind and hurt your eyes. Or if he likes being outside, maybe he will want to cut grass for neighbors and make extra money. Try to talk to him, find out where his interests are. There may be something that he is slightly interested in but thinks is stupid, and it could become a very good hobby. My boyfriend built model airplanes and eventually built the ones with remotes and engines. Just don't push him into something, or he will withdraw even more. Good luck.

Answer 4

You know, with this, you may just have to look at finding him an activity he likes that is not traditional (like the sports teams).

For example -- is there a chess club, academic team, drama club, or other type of activity at the school that he has an interest in? Have you asked him about his NEW interests (especially since he is now a TEEN!), or what he would like to try doing? Is there some activity that would also allow him to volunteer to do things like READ to the little children (at the public library), or help out with elderly people, or just be a visiting "grandchild" to those who would not normally get visits at the local nursing homes?


JUST sit down with your son and ASK him what he would like to do at this time. Also ... his report card will give you a good idea where he is talented in regards to his academics (some are more math oriented ... so there is the Math Club and Math Teams).

Answer 5

Hi my younger brother was the same way. Your son could be going threw depression since his best friend moved and he has no other close friends. You even said it your self he dont even like going to the church youth group anymore. There has to be something bothering him and of course at the age 13 there are alot of things going threw your son's head. I don't want to be telling you want you need to do but you should get him some help . My older brother is now 19 and he finally got help he does have depression. They have studies out there for teenagers where they pay for everything go to discovery health. com and they have a list of studies. One more thing you don't want your son hanging around anyone b/c he could start hanging with the wrong crowd meaning the crowd that does nothen but party and alot of drugs and he could turn to drugs for support . Well I wish you luck

Answer 6

I'm 17 And i go through the same thing the answer is find something else that he likes
i like to dance
i hate sports but dancing i found a way to connect socially to other people who shared the same interest with me
my church youth group was taken over by a tyranical moster and im no longer youth president so im sad about that and no longer participates with the youth but their are plenty of other ministries to be in like Multimedia, i design the church website choir, ect. So find something else that he likes and he will socially adapt.

Answer 7

My husband and son don't like sports. If he is more intu;ectual that is ok. My best advice would be to
1. try and find out if its just friend loss or if there is something else behind it (is there teasing going on or another change)
2. try and get him into some sort of new class that interests him. This will give him a hobby to take his mind of the change and get him around people who are more likely to have similar interests as him. (maybe an art/drawing class, or a scouting group, or swimming lessons, ect.)

Answer 8

Going to a small private school will do that. I had friends that went to private schools where the graduating class was 7 people on average and everyone that went there was either really shy and quiet with no friends or really wild. I personally like public schools. It has more people to choose from and socially it is better.

Answer 9

As long as his parents are going with and they will make sure that they will be in two different tents, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Keep in mind that they are teenagers and if you don't give them a way to see each other, they will find a way to do it and chances are the parents won't be around when they do. This happened to me two years ago and my parents told me I couldn't go so instead I told them I was going to a friend's house for the weekend and then went with him and his family anyways. I ended up staying in a tent with his mom-by CHOICE. I wouldn't want to be doing anything "inappropriate" when I'm on a trip with his family. I would let your daughter go on the trip. This shows that you trust her, so chances are, she will feel more comfortable coming to you with issues in the future.

Answer 10

Does he hate all sports - maybe an individual sport like golf or tennis would be better than a team sport. Otherwise, he is could get involved in band, drama club or boy scouts.

I think that being a loner in high school would be extremely difficult. I know that I made some really great friends at my first job - perhaps you can tell him to get a job.