I have been with this man for 2 years already. He just moved in last year in June. Everything was great until recently. He doesn't allow me to have friends or talk to my (use to be) best friend he says she is evil. And that i don't need friends in life my. I can't even go with co-workers to have a drink after work like i use too. He says that was the single life now i am with him. He doesn't even let me go to my sisters house to have dinner and drink a couple of beers and the reason he says he doesn't like for me to go because they drink alot. He tells me that is the only reason i go over is to drink. I went the other nite because he was working late. He came over after work and just ignored me and left with out me. I don't understand why he can't be understanding about me having friend and just being with family. Help? I love this man but i just don't know if he is the one
2007-03-22 07:53:51 · 20 answers · asked by Angel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
get away from him! move out! NOW!! he is on the verge of being abusive (physically or verbally). he is not the one for u and u need to realize that now before a baby or marriage binds u to him for much longer.
2007-03-22 07:57:23 · answer #1 · answered by jenivive 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he became over protected and insecure. I would have a talk with him about this. Remember, to have a strong relationship communication is key. You want to stay with this man you have to be honest with him.
#1 Everyone needs friends. Girl friends, co workers, family friends, its our social life that makes us as people sane.
#2 So what if you went over to your sisters house to have a drink. You were spending time with your sister and enjoying some R&R, there is nothing illegal about that.
#3 It sounds like you are still single. Did you marry this man? Even if you were married, married people go out with co workers and friends, even male friends.
It sounds like your having doubts about this relationship. Now you see why married people get divorced because once you move in together things change. Picture your life like this everyday. You need to talk to him and tell him that you are a human being and that you need to have a social life. If it is a problem than your relationship will just not work.
Like I said, every strong relationship needs honest communication; and from the looks of it, it seems like he cant even communicate. You need to warn right now before it gets worse.
2007-03-22 08:05:30 · answer #2 · answered by TroubleRose 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think he's bad now, wait until you have a real stress like a lost job, birth of a child, or death of a loved one. He's gonna snap. He is going to suck the fun out of everything and has already driven a wedge between you and your best friend! I'm married with kids and still have time to have a beer with friends. Come on!
Even if you're doing nothing more than go to your office and back home, he'd probably accuse you of doing things on your luch hour! He's acting like a big baby, too. Pouting and ignoring you? Is he 13 years old? Nothing worse than an immature control freak, my god you really deserve better girl.
Repeat after me: He is NOT the one!!!! He is NOT the one!!!!
2007-03-22 08:34:54 · answer #3 · answered by wwhrd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey it doesn't matter what I say to this because you are not going to take anyone's advice on this. I know because I was in the exact same situation and only got out of it because I had no other choice. If you are able to break free then do it now before it is too late. If you aren't able too then all I can say is lean on your friends and family because you are going to need them. Don't abandon them for this guy because you will lose on the deal. Drop him now if you can. If you can't, get someone to help you. It's not love. Love means putting each other first. He is not putting you first if he is trying to control you. He is putting his own wants above your own. Is that really the kind of personyou want to be with?
2007-03-22 08:04:03 · answer #4 · answered by peace_by_moonlight 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you dating my Ex??? Sounds like it! OMG, so much like it. Wow, I couldn't let that go on as long as you have. Mine lasted about 7 months and though he had many wonderful qualities that I loved, I could not handle his controlling nature. He was ex seal and cop for 4 years so I think he worried a lot, because he saw a lot of bad things happen, but that is not an excuse for him to be that way. I feel sorry for guys like that because I think they are insecure about themselves. But, I feel more sorry for women who continue in those relationships. It will eventually break down your self esteem and love should never ever do that. As hard as it may be he either agrees to counseling or you should move on and take the learning experience with you to your next relationship. Every couple has to give up parts of single life, but he sounds to be asking a lot! Good luck dear!
2007-03-22 08:04:58 · answer #5 · answered by sandibum 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know it just dawned on me that people can be addicted to relationships just like any other drug.
If I told you that I lost my job, my wife left me and protective services is considering taking away my children but god do I love this smack, it just makes me feel so good and I know, even though it's done all these horrible things to me, that deep down it loves me back...
What would you think of me? How different is that from what you're telling me about this man? All of these horrible things that are happening to you but "you love him".
Without sounding harsh, I'm a little concerned for you because that need for control doesn't seem to "level off" in long term relationships.
2007-03-22 08:17:28 · answer #6 · answered by arjo_reich 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WAKE UP!!!! Why are you even willing to put up with this??? Because you feel you love him you are willing to let him run your entire life???? WHAT ABOUT WHAT HE FEELS FOR YOU? That doesn't matter??? He does not love you, he just wants to control you!!! WAKE UP AND GET HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. Call your best friend and tell her how sorry you are that you let some jerk guy come between you two, and then have her give you a good whack to the head to make sure you are all the way awake!!!
2007-03-22 08:01:44 · answer #7 · answered by wish I were 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation once and the guy i was with was cheating on me. You see he is insecure and doesn't trust you because he is guilty 80% this is the reason. The other 20% could mean that he got his heart broken before and hence he is really jealous, regardless you need to get out this type of relationship never works.
2007-03-22 08:09:36 · answer #8 · answered by Ans 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to break it to you, but if you are questioning whether or not he's the one......I think you have all the rights to do so! What is this guy doing? He's ruining the relationship. You have two parents, and he is not one of them. You need to wake up and realize that happiness comes with restrictions, yes, but not like this! You are going to be who are you. And, you need to follow that rule if you want to be happy. Why would you let him treat you like you're his daughter? You are a grown woman! OMG! I have been through this myself and with time, you are only going to become more and more miserable and want to break away from him even more. Your family is one of the most important things that you can have in life. Don't destroy/jeopardize that relationship just because he says you can't go out! This man is either insecure and/or he's doing things that he shouldn't be doing. That's why he's trying to restrict you and see what you're up to 24-7. PLEASE don't do this to yourself. That's all I can say. You all either need to come to an agreement and if you can't, kick him to the curb. Plain and simple. I don't know him, but like I said, I have been through this same experience. You're missing out on having fun and just enjoying life in general. Being in a relaltionship is great, but you all should be able to have separate time from one another and go and hang with your friends, without having to feel like you've got to hang on one another. You need your space....that's the bottom line. Don't let this man control your life. You have a mind of your own, and you shouldn't have to sacrifice your happiness, your family, and your friends just to please him. PLEASE reconsider what's going on in your relationship. If you love him and want to try and make things work, by all means, go for it. But, always remember to put yourself first! I wish you the best of luck.
2007-03-22 08:07:55 · answer #9 · answered by mixed_beauties 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion is to get out of the relationship. I was in one for over 3 years and i'm glad it's ended. I lost alot of friends and alot of confidence. I know it's hard when you love someone but in the end you will realise that it was for the best.
2007-03-22 08:11:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me when I say, he is not the one. You need to leave the relationship NOW...it will do nothing but get worse. You need to have more respect for yourself than to settle for someone who wants to control every aspect of your live and alienate you from friends and family. There are plenty of organizations that can help you get out...but for your sake and safety, get out and don't look back. Good Luck
2007-03-22 08:00:38 · answer #11 · answered by mamaonetexasone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋