This is too stressful?

Question

We've both been thru this before and don't want anything big. We've planned on small, private, wedding, to include two of his and two of my kids.
But then there's the dress, his jacket, the $400airfare to get my daughter down here when she really doesn't care; get the kids here, there, drop off, meet these people, the adults-only gathering after the ceremony, then kids again the next day and the HUGE POTLUCK RECEPTION that's just getting too big....I'm stressing BIG TIME! My hereditary skin condition has flared up (stress-related) and will soon cover my entire body--which means i can't wear a dress and certainly can't go to the beach for our honeymoon.
And I don't want to go to the beach ANYWAY!!
I just want to go down to the Courthouse and be done with this, relieve all this stress, and deal with the reception!
How do I get my fiance to see how difficult this is becoming on me? I wanted to go to Tahoe--adults only--but he's determined to have his 9yr old daughter present.

Answer 1

Looks like it's time for some premarital counseling if the wedding is causing your skin to flare up like that!
Bring his 9 year old to the courthouse.

Answer 2

First of all...don't get so stressed! It is supposed to be a happy time in your life, regardless if you've been through it before! Just talk things out with him and decide what items are most important to each of you, and then to you both as a couple. If his most important thing is having his daughter there, then let him have her there. If you're biggest thing is to NOT have the ceremony at the beach, then find somewhere else to have it. You can have it other places than the courthouse, beach, or a church. Find somewhere special to the two of you and bring your children there. Don't buy an expensive dress if you don't want to. You can wear whatever you want, it's your day. Just have him wear a nice suit that he already owns, or buy one he can wear again. Now...if your daughter doesn't want to come and it will cost $400 to get her there, that's something you and her should discuss. If it's not a big deal for you that she's not there, don't pay for her to come. On to the reception...if you don't want it, don't have it. Or make sure it's very small. If someone else is organizing the entire thing for you, explain your feelings. Let them know what you want. I've found that a lot of times people think they are helping, but they don't know what you really want. If you tell them, they will hopefully understand and work with you on it. If not...enjoy the celebration. Weddings are stressful, but they are also a lot of fun once you have a game plan and stick to it. Have fun and congratulations!

Answer 3

Okay stop and relax for just a minute! If your daughter doesnt care why are you spending $400 to fly her down? If this is causing you to stress this bad maybe you need some medication! It sounds like you have a very simple ceremony planned that you are allowing to either get out of hand or you are stressing over each small detail. Your husband wants to include his daughter as obviously SHE does care! Why are you going to the beach if you don't want to? Why is this not something you discussed with him BEFORE you freaked out?! The reception is potluck you shouldn't be cooking so why are you freaking out? Do you not have a MOH who is there to help you? Or even a really good friend as you want to keep the ceremony small? Going to Tahoe adults only sounds selfish and does sound like you do not want to include his daughter who is not an adult.

Are there underlying issues here? If he has a 9 yr old daughter and you dont even want to include her in the ceremony, joining your life with his, maybe you ought to rethink the marriage altogether!

Answer 4

If it wasn't for the 9 year old I'd say VEGAS BABY! Grown ups only and just Elope!!!! However I understand the importance of the merging of the families, Go to the courthouse, have the 9 year old be your maid of honor there. get her a pretty dress, and flowers to hold. And just relax, a great website my friend found comforting for her wedding troubles is the-knot. She also got great ideas. Maybe it can help, if nothing else you can vent there too. I'd seriously just discuss this with him on a serious level of look at how stressful it has become for you and now you can't even enjoy your moment when it finally gets here. Who wants to be a bride covered in a rash everywhere.
Hope it gets better.

Answer 5

Why are you being so dramatic?

The wedding that you mention seem to be small and private and there is no need or you to blow a gasket over a simple pot luck reception.

You are nervous, and that's natural, but you have to be sensitive to your man's feelings and accept the fact that he wants his daughter there.

If you are unwilling to compromise over a very simple and reasonable request, then you should rethink your decision to get married. You are complicating things and making a huge deal about everything.

The real issue here is that you feel self-councious about your skin. They all know who you are and how your skin is, so there is no need to hide under your insecurities and push the people that love you away on your wedding day.

Good luck... relax!

Answer 6

Hmm, I would confront your fiance' about this before you have no preparation time, and if he doesn't budge any then you really need to think hard about getting married, thats a huge commitment, Having the nine year old along strikes me as way out of place. You sound like this is really having a major effect on you, I would really suggest that you talk to your soon to be husband about this and try to read his reactions. Look deep inside of yourself and I really hope that everything works out for you.

Answer 7

When you are blending a family the kids are important. If you don't see that you shouldn't be marrying someone with kids.

As far as your reception getting too big, tell him to put it together and you just let what happens happen. No matter how hard you try it won't be perfect, so you don't have to try so hard.

Answer 8

First of all chill! Instead of putting it all on yourself give him some stuff to do. If he wants his daughter in there so bad then make him do it. Pass some of the stress to your future husband! Do you have a best man and maid of honor? If you do then put them to work! Thats what they are there for. This is a time when its ok to lean on others! Its not a one woman show!!!

Answer 9

I think it's only fair that he include his daughter. It's wrong to ask him not to. You need to remember this is HIS day also. There has to be some sort of compromise you can agree to or else things will just get ugly.

Answer 10

Tell you hubby to be "I'm not planning this wedding anymore. It's the wedding YOU want, so YOU plan it."

Also, I think it's wierd that he wants to take his daughter on your honeymoon. I'd put my foot down on this one. (Unless you're talking about the wedding, in which case he should have her there).