What do men really want out of relationships?

Question

Hi

I am looking for honest answers here please... Preferably from men.

I know this might sound strange but is it possible to be too nice to a guy that you drive him away after a while? I'm not talking about being a stalker or ringing too often I'm just talking about trying really hard to do everything right and feeling completely unappreciated.

I cook meals, never forget birthdays, amd sweet and kind, his parents love me, so do his friends, things are great in the bedroom but he doesn't seem to really care much... He'll forget to ask how a big exam went or forget big things in my life, never seems to make any real effort or really appreciate the effort I make.

This seems to happen to me in most relationship. I don't know what I'm doing wrong!

So what do men really want, please tell me!

Answer 1

Hm... this may sound a little weird, but it's not uncommon for anybody to just come to expect something that happens all the time. So if you're always nice, always helpful, and always doing things for your guy, that can become just 'normal', and instead of getting kudos for it, he won't even notice. That kind of sounds like what's happening.

It also sounds like you want a more reciprocal relationship. More give and take. You know what that means: you seem to have the giving down... it's time to start doing some taking.

Especially where your efforts are getting overlooked. You make all the meals? That's sweet. But shouldn't he be just as sweet for you? Start making only HALF the meals. Who knows? Maybe he'll rise to the challenge and try an be as good to you as you are to him. And so it goes with a lot of things.

But I should point out that maybe the kinds of guys you're attracting with this behaviour are the kinds who ARE dependant on you and AREN'T going to rise to the challenge. They want the easy life. A mom-surrogate with sex on top. Which is probably not what YOU want. And which is reason number two to stop being more generous than your guy is so you don't attract the wrong type in the first place!

I think the kind of partner most people want is one that is not dependant on them for anything. They can get by just fine on their own, so when you actually do something nice for them they can really appreciate how much easier you're making their lives. What's more, as competent adult people, they're much more able to make appropriate gestures in return. These people are harder to find, though, because they aren't looking as hard for someone else to cling to/leech off. They won't be attracted by just a plate of cookies.

But keep looking. If you haven't got one now, you can probably find one. You deserve the best you can get!

Answer 2

You're smothering the crap out of him. Sorry that's my honest opinion. This guy can't sound off about you to anybody, his friends his parents... eek.

You make his life way too easy. Relationships are about give and take, not give and give and give some more.

He's stepping all over you and not considering you as an equal because, Hello, you're laying yourself on his floor for him to step on.

Check some of my other answers and you'll see that I'm never this rude or blunt about a subject. I'm making an exception in this case, because you really seem lost as to why he and others you have dated have lost interest.

For a while, don't do anything for him. Don't ask about his day, don't cook dinner, don't meet up with his parents for whatever. Instead do what makes YOU happy. He'll quickly regain his interest.

Try also to remember the person you are at the start of your relationships. That person should stay pretty much the same throughout your relationship.

--Lee Ann

Answer 3

Well this is hard to answer, because different men want different things. Your question should not be what do men want from a relationship. Your question should be "what does this man want from a relationship." Some men like intimacy, others don't. Everyone comes from a different background. Statistically, most men want a loving companion, wheras women want an intimate partner, and that's why its so easy to see the common conflicts in relationships. But you must remember that statistics are done in controlled group settings, and do not study the population as a whole, and therefore are flawed. Psychologists would have to study every man and woman and every relationship in order to get a completely flawless study, but this is impossible. Anyway I sense this man is like most men. He loves spending time with you. He is there isn't he? Is that not enough? If its not you need to tell him privately between you and him in the most loving way possible, without become defensive. The typical man shows his love by his presence alone. (Well, at least that's one theory.) Although we don't always get it right, we wouldn't be there if we didn't care.

I almost forgot to mention... you cannot judge your relationship in comparison to other people's. This is damaging. Your relationship is about the TWO of you, and how you two do things. Simply because he does not always ask you what you want to be asked about (as if he were a psychic, PLEASE!), does not mean that he doesn't care about you, your well being and your life.

Answer 4

I'm a married man to a wonderful wife that sounds pretty much like yourself. We've been married for almost 15 yrs. and I guess to answer your question men would like everything you describe. It sounds to me that you are doing everything right and he's doing everthing wrong ! Some guys have no idea how good they have it until it's too late !! Sweetheart, just talk to him about the very thing you describe here. Talking together about both your problems often heals what ails you. I've heard stories that men are too nice and girls are either turned off by this or they take advantage of the situation. By being honest and sincere, just let him know how you feel and he just might see the light ! Good Luck !!!

Answer 5

There could be many different reasons for his waning (and this is coming from a guy). Depending on how long you have dated (assuming you're not married), it could be an issue of complacency. Has he come to expect all these things? If it's just part of your nature (being nice), he may not think twice about it. If you change your practices here and there, does he notice?

Your line "he doesn't seem to care much" in the bedroom has me thinking that something has his attention. Could be work/school related stress, bills/finances, family issues, someone else catching his eye, etc.

Not sure if he's this type of guy...but have you tried talking to him about anything that may be bothering him and possibly how unappreciated you feel?

To answer your last question, most men (in their late 20's and 30's) want the following in life:

1. personal worth and purpose
2. financial security/independence
3. an 'animal' in bed
4. friendship
5. consistency in a relationship
6. balance between work and play

Answer 6

well i dont like playing games but there are two games that really help a relationship

the first one is where if have to be really confident and always love yourself and if you dont (like i dont have the best confidence all the time) then FAKE IT make him think you do and that you think you are great

and the second one is where you are busy sometimes
i know it is so hard when you man calls you every night and you want to hand with him so bad but dont take a day or two out of the week and when he calls say you are busy
play hard to get but just a tiny tiny bit not to much or he will see right through your plan


there is one other thing you can do but it is very risky and if you dont do it right or you are a second off it will back fire and ruin you

OK so everyman has a little jealousy in them and the trick is to make him jealous without him knowing you are doing it so when you are out on the town with him catch another guys eye and smile at him and then turn away quickly and make it so your boyfriend doesn't see you doing this all he sees if the other guy stairing at you
if he thinks other guys are after you then he will start to think that he needs to step it up a notch and he will want to make you happy

oh and stop cooking and cleaning all the time or he will think of you as his made and not his girlfriend ans let him do nice things for you it really bonds the guy to you

i have found that if you does all these things guys tend to treat you better and fall in love cus they have to work and have to chase you alittle and men always love to chase there girls

Answer 7

It might be possible that he has other preoccupation, maybe too much work, or maybe another women in life. Thats why he forget to care much for you. One thing is for sure, when he is at home, he would want to be in peace, that is don't be bothered too much. You have to find out what is his problem. A frank discussion is best. You should tell him what you are expecting from him that you are not getting. It is slao possible that he is enjoying what he is getting from you but isn't realising that he has to do same for u.

Answer 8

Sex
Companionship
Support

Someone who enjoys being with me, in all ways.

You are giving him things you want, then complaining you don't get them in return. I've never once heard a man say 'my girlfriend is awesome, she never forgets a birthday'.

Men tend to be more 'big picture' then women. If they are happy hanging out, supportive, sex is good, then they are happy. Doing chores doesn't score you many points, because that's probably more the sort of thing you care about then him.

Answer 9

u seem like an intelligent person so u shouldn't blame your self for having the same kind of relationships most people will tell u a different answer to that question dont try to hard and think about what u want as well.

Answer 10

First of all, you say "men" like it's one size fits all. Every man is different. I wanted exactly what you are... and found it. My wife isn't great at remembering a lot of the things your boyfriend forgets but that adds another aspect to her personality in other ways. She forgets to ask me about an important thing but also doesn't think to ask me other things that i would prefer she forget. It's a tradeoff and her not asking is not a lack of intrest... I have come to realize that we are just wired very differently.