how to get my 3 year old to calm down?

Question

i have 2 beautiful girls ones 3 years old n the other is only 2 weeks old. since i gave birth to my 2nd baby my daughter suddenly become uncontrolably naughty and sometimes i think she does them on purpose. shes great with the baby and myself and her dad make sure she gets attention, when babys a asleep we spend time playing with her so the attention is still there but i just dont know what to do to stop her from playing up and having tempers throwing things about.

when were out she runs off, wont have her tea and if she doesnt get things her way she will throw a masive tamtrum, in one word to describe her which i hate to say this but shes a nightmare. she acts like a baby and is vilant to guests and i dont believe in smacking!
Pleeeeeeeeease help! i know this sounds horrible as a mother but sometimes i feel better when she goes to mum for over night stay but then miss her terribly when shes gone..

Answer 1

When my son was born (he's now 18months) our daughter had just turned 4. We bought her a life-like doll (you know the ones that wet, eat, sleep etc) and we gave it to her as a gift from her little brother. We told her that it was a special present from him and it allowed her to work alongside me and look after her own special baby while I took care of her brother. It worked like a charm and to this day she is the most helpful and caring big sister! Perhaps you could buy your daughter one and give it to her as a gift from her little sister? Tell her she's a big girl now and needs to set a good example for HER baby! It's worth a shot! Good luck!

Answer 2

I dont' want to sound horrible myself but maybe you should believe in spanking, since she never got one, that would be the best time to spank her a couple times, send her to her naughty corner a couple of minutes and then you need to sit to her eye level and explain how she broke your heart and how much you love her and believe she can be a really good girl, even if you cry along with her, it's okay,she will see how much she made you sad and it will create a special bond. Explain your expectations and also her consequences of future similar behavior. If she is a spoiled child and has a lot of toys, one day when she decides to act out, take a garbage bag, fill it up with her favorite toys and take them away from her, explain to her that for every good behavior, she gets to have a toy back, or every bad behavior you will take more toys away. Spanking is not a bad thing, abusing of spanking is a bad thing. I got a few from my parents, and I remember exactly what I did then and that I really deserved it. I still love them very much and also thanked them for raising me well.
I understand where you are coming from, my daughter is 4 years old, I am expecting a second child and I expect the worse. Would you have close familly member to take care of her on her own without the baby, she needs to feel special. Take her to the movies, park (without the baby) so she feels it's her time only, her reward. Good luck and I'm sure it's only going to last a little while, she probably wants to keep her position!

Answer 3

First of talk to her she understands, when ever you have time spend it with her and so her dad... Also do not pleased all where wishes, that can be worst, is she wants to cry just for nothing let her cry that way she will know that things are not her Way, you are the parent and you should have con troll of her not the other way... let her help you when you are changing a dipper or your baby's clothes, ask her to give you the dipper and the wipes or to throw the diaper away on the trash, and do the same with the clothes... That way she will feel that she is good for something around her new sister.. Let her sing her songs when she is awake, help her " carrying " her new sister ( sit her on a couch and with your help "pretend that she is carrying her sis) and sometimes when she behaves cheer her and even once in a while reward her, also like a therapy it is good to tell her that she is a good and intelligent girl, but she needs to understand that now she has a new sis and she needs to love her and protect her, but never tell her she is a bad girl that will lower her stem... GOOD luck !!!

Answer 4

she is just attention seeking she proberly feels upset or worried that shes not going to get your attention 24/7.
if you dontbelive in smacking then you need to say to her
if you do that agin you will goand sit on the stairs for 3 minutes
and follow through andif she gets off the stairs put her back say nothing but start the 3 inutes again

in public like restraunts say to her if you cant sit at the table like a good big girl and eat your food you will haveto sit in a high chair like a little girl because only big girls get to sit at the table. and if she is running off explain to her she will go on the rist strap and put her on a wrist strap rains or on a buggy board ect.

good luck ive been there and i did all of this she soon stopped and relised she wouldnt get any attention for being naughtey.

O and if you are really struggerling and shes really trying for a negative reaction say to her i dont want to see you right now and remove her from the room with a clear message WHEN YOU CAN BE A GOOD GIRL YOU CAN COME BACK IN. and also get her involved helping with the babys you would be suprised what lenghths they would go to for attention good luck:)

Answer 5

I remember feeling the way your daughter does when my sister was first born. All the attention seemed to be on her. Not so much from my parents but from visitors. I felt very confused - on the one hand I was very protective of my new sister, on the other hand there were times when I wanted her to go back into Mum's womb. Here are somethings that helped me:

-when a family friend came to visit the baby bring cards for my parents she also gave me a card to congratualate me on becoming a big sister. This helped me move into my new role.

-my mother encouraged me to 'look after' my father while she was busy with the baby. This made me feel very grown up. My father played along obviously.

-throughout my childhood my parents used various method from the book 'Siblings without Rivalry' by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I know the title sounds unrealistic but a lot of the methods really worked for us. The authors of the book don't believe in smacking/spanking so at least you will agree with them on that.

Good luck.

Answer 6

That's your problem you don't believe in giving her smacking. That is why children in general in society are misbehaved and laugh at the lack of discipline. They know they can get away with anything.
Spare the rod spoil the child. You are going to have a real bad time when she is a teenager, she will be running off and doing her thing without fear of you. Having respectable fear of parents is not a bad thing she will thank you for it when she is older. Namby pamby treatment will probably ruin her.

Answer 7

being a parent is the hardest job going but we manage. i would try a little firm but fair attitude take note of the 911 nanny program it does work. I have trained as a nanny at college and have used this method lots of times even with my own two little monkeys!!
What about getting your daughter involved in changing nappies & feeding if poss, and most importantly ignore the naughty behaviour this is very hard i know but it does work.
I used the star chart when mine were 3 and they now ask to use it as they do jobs and get paid for each job.
children like to feel useful let her help you around the house.
i hope this helps and the best of luck!!!!

Answer 8

she is jealous of the new baby because not long ago she was the baby. Try and get her more involved with the new baby like when u are feeding and changing . get her to help with baby also lots of praise to her when she helps.. my friend used to buy little gifts for the older sister from baby when she was good. It will pass for her it is so hard now to be the big sister when she feels she is still a baby herself.
i hope things work out for you ..

Answer 9

She is acting out because she wants your attention. Set aside time away from the baby... like at babies nap time, to spend with your 3 year old. Be consistent with your discipline of her as well. She needs to know that you mean business and you aren't going to let her get away with stuff like that.

Answer 10

She is merely attention seeking get her involved in some way like helping you hold her bottle when you are feeding her baby sister or hold the baby wipes at changing time. The list is endless just let her be involved in some small way.