Got any advice regarding my lonely Grandmother?

Question

Here's my problem. I have an eighty-six year old Grandmother living with some room renters in her house down in Orange County, Cal. These renters are shady characters, the house itself reeks of dog urine and mouse excrement, and my Grandma's diet in general consists of pizza and chinese food. My family and I have tried to convince her to move to a apartment complex near where we live (Napa, CA), but she seems tied to her current way of life. She complains that no one comes to see her, but that's because she expects everyone to come to her and not the other way around (she has cancelled many a flight to visit us).

As a full-time student with a job, I can't afford any time to drive down south and resolve this problem. My mother plans to, with some vacation time she has, and hopes she can convince Grandma to move. This has been an ongoing problem for years. Any advice you can give me will be greatly appreaciated.

Answer 1

Try to convince her this way: Ask your Grandma what she would do if you were in the same position as she... the living conditions, being far away from family, etc. Maybe she'll prove your point by realizing that the situation might bother her if it was the other way around.

Answer 2

Does your Grandma perhaps like the way she is living now? Maybe that is why she doesn't have a motivation to move out? Explain to her your worries about her health, safety and most of all, because all the family wants to spend more time with her. If she values living with family more than putting up with a smelly living room, greasy food and dubious roommies, then she will agree to move up north. Make all arrangements for her move as smoothly, and virtually no inconvenience for her, as possible. She probably doesn't want to travel alone because of her old age. I definitely hope things work out the best for your family. Good luck!

Answer 3

At the age of 86 traveling can be a challenge!
If your mother can go down and get her, take her around Napa and show her some places see could live. And emphasize the benefits of her moving up there.
Let her know that you would love to be able to spend more time with her but your schedule makes it next to impossible with her living so far away.
Avoid criticizing her life style and let her know that you and your mother would feel better if see would consider moving closer.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

All you need to do is put the shoe on the other and try to understand where she is coming from. Also try to get her to understand where you are coming from and ask her what she would do if you were in this position? Let her know that she is still a valued member of the family. She may be depressed and willing to let herself go downhill for fear of a burden she will be. Talk to her gently and see what's really going on here. Good luck!

Answer 5

your mother just has to convince your grandma to move, sounds like a bad situation for grandma and for your mom. It'll probably take a lot of work but mom really needs to get her out of there. Any other family members that can help with grandma?

Answer 6

You can't force her to move out of her home! You can try to talk to her and express your concern for her health, but she has the right to stay in her home if that is what she chooses. If it is really as bad as you say, and you fear for her helath and welfare, you could get APS (Adult Protective Services) involved. They can go to her home and investigate, and if they find it to be unsafe, they can force her to move to a better environment. Good luck! Even though it is hard, I suggest that someone in the family gets involved and stays involved until it is resolved! You can't expect her to come to where you are - she is 86!!!