My boyfriend knows about my ex, just like i know about his ex. both are alcoholics who are both still drinking . Sometimes she pops up drunk and just gives him harmless jibberish. im there and just feel sorry for her and he doesnt let her in . my ex on the other hand doesnt appear he just sends crazy drunk letters . sometimes he says he loves me and some times he says he hates me. this relationship is long over. 15 years and we both see our exes as nuisances. the problemb is i tolerate his exes actions and he blows up at me when i get a letter from him like i have some sort of controll over the matter. i told him whatever he wants to do we will do but i get no solution from him. he was so mean to me yeaterday i left and went to the movies by my self then when i got home he locked me out and opened the door and yelled some more then accused me of cheating on him . which neither of us has ever done in the past . i am guessing its because he had 3 wives who cheated on him.
2007-03-22 05:41:41 · 18 answers · asked by jennie s 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Or....he's cheating on you, feels guilty, and assumes you have a similiar character. I wouldn't tolerate someone that was so unpredictable, rash, and immature. You never know what to expect. And how do you know his ex wives cheated on him? Because he said they did. A guy with three ex-wives should be viewed as suspicious anyway. Who'd want to be wife no. 4? I say move on.
2007-03-22 05:46:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
True, no one can control an ex, but you can try your best to keep them away from you and your life. If it's something that is affecting you and your partner then you BOTH have to find a solution or it will end up braking you apart. If that means putting a restraining order against the ex's so be it, they obviously don't care if they take away your chance at love with the person you are with. This might sound harsh but those ex's don't get the point and honestly talking from experience if you do not put a stop you will end up with so many trust problems and it will keep ruining your current relationship, even braking it up.
You and your boyfriend can solve this problem and be happy, but there cannot be trust with so many problems around.
Good Luck..... tell those ex's to go get a life and leave you guys alone.
2007-03-22 05:58:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your probably right. You two need to sit down and have a long talk about the situation. If neither of you are interested in the other party then ignore what they are doing. Don't answer the door when she comes by, and don't open the letters from him. This will show that you don't care and eventually they will move on. This should also stop you and him from arguing so much because you will know that the other doesn't care what they are saying or doing.
2007-03-22 05:46:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is very insecure, and you are right, you cannot control your ex, next time he writes take the letters to the police and continue to do so, if he is harassing you (whether drunk or not) then at least you are taking some action, I am sure they can still get an order from the court telling him to break contact or he'll go to prison. Sometimes being hard on a person is he only way to get through.
2007-03-22 05:46:58 · answer #4 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Toughie... I know how you feel in the ex department, I still have two of them that call me - one was from nearly 6 years ago.
I never had any problems with my husband over it since I was so skilled at throwing things he actually did at him when he started... I wouldn't suggest this method though.
One of the best stop fighting techniques I know is the "broken record". It's easy. Next time you get a letter and your boyfriend blows up over it just say something like "It's not my fault, nothing I can do." Say it calmly and in a nearly emotionless form.
If he continues to get angry over it, continue to say the same thing. Don't get mad, don't show much of a different emotion and just continue whatever it was you were doing. Soon your boyfried will see that there isn't much he can say to get you to agrue.
2007-03-22 05:50:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
While you are very understanding of his nuisant ex drunk wife he has the odacity to put blame on you for your ex writing you a letter. You cannot control what your ex does, however, I do hope you can control your present boyfriends temper....He needs to be put in his place, tell his butt to pipe down and the next time he shows his true colors over something you CANNOT control that it will be the last time. 3 wives who cheated on him is also problematic.
2007-03-22 05:50:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you cannot control others actions but you know that already. do yourself a favour and go into your email options and block your x from email you and that should solve the problem. I can understand you b/f if 3 x's cheated it would be a big trigger for him. So block the x from email and then see how it goes from there, that way he will know you are trying to get him away from you. Also block it in front of your b/f so he knows you mean business. Take care Heather
2007-03-22 05:47:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should do one of two things. Move and not tell either of your exes where you are going.
2. Move away from your current boyfriend. He sounds a bit crazy. Maybe you should make him your new ex. It's not your problem that 3 of his wives have cheated on you.
2007-03-22 05:47:49 · answer #8 · answered by Marc C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have a unique problem. i would show him the letters that your ex sends still sealed and write on the envelope does not live at this address. and put it back in the mail. soon they should stop. also tell your boyfriend that he needs to tell his ex not to come over any more that he is not her husband anymore. let go. as for your boyfriend remind him that you are his future not his past. he needs to not punish you for something that someone else has done to him. tell him that until you do something to ruin his trust, you have earned an even chance. remember, you are his future they are your past.
2007-03-22 05:51:22 · answer #9 · answered by wondering 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need to make better choices than a 3-time loser in marriage. You both have personal issues that cause you to be attracted to drunks. There is a whole psychological dymanic going on there. You need to both get healthy. I suggest that you attend alanon together to clean up your own lives as much as possible. And then that you choose healthy men in the future.
2007-03-22 05:49:21 · answer #10 · answered by lizardmama 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋