Parents, would this day care rule bother you?

Question

I have a day care in my home and I'm having a hard time with one child. She's a little over 2 years and going through seperation anxiety. Her parents, despite my requests not to, sit with her in the morning and allow her to cry and pitch a fit. Once the parents leave, the child is fine and has no problem. This morning the grandmother brought her and stayed for 45 minutes! This was the longest anyone had stayed and the worst behavior the child ever had, even after the grandmother left she continued to kick and scream to the point of me having to put her in her bed for a time out. I have an open door policy, but this child's behavior is a direct result of her parents' babying and it doesn't need to continue. I'm thinking of telling these parents that they must not enter my home for the time being and let me meet them at the door when they arrive so we can stop this now. What would you think if your day care asked this of you? It's very disturbing to me and the other kids.

Just want to say this has been going on for several weeks and this is a last resort. I have talked to the parents, they know my feelings on this, goodbyes need to be short and sweet. I've brought out special toys just to keep her distracted, I've had the tv on (which I HATE doing first thing in the morning), I've given her an early snack, we've been outside on the play equipment, everything I can think of to distract this child and I am at my wits end! Of course I would be completely tactful when telling the parents the new rule, I'm not gonna say "hey you're kid's annoying the heck outta me, so just drop her at the door and I'll see ya later", I DO care about these people and their child very much. Thanks for the feedback so far.

Answer 1

I was the parent with the screaming kid. I would drop and run. I didn't want to stick a wrench in the day cares schedule. If it's disruptive for them to be there, it's YOUR business and that's the way you run it.

Answer 2

I can understand your problem... I am a mother and did this very thing to my son when he was small except he went to a day care outside of the home.. Its not fair to the child or the daycare providor but I think I would try a different approach..

1st , try to set a meeting with the parents and discuss what you feel is causing the problem ( hence , parents causing the child more grief than necessary by sticking around too long ). I have to agree , 45 minutes is insane and can cause you to go fruity as well.

When I had this issue , the daycare attendant gently showed me to the door and said we will see you later.. Sometimes , parents have as much seperation anxiety as the children. I do not believe meeting them at the door is a good idea( they may take it the wrong way ) but I do believe that rules need to be established for them.. Its upsetting the other children and that can also be an arguement that you can use ....

If the parents will not listen , then you may have to give up one child to save your sanity and keep the other children from distress..

Talk to them and explain what the problem is .. Explain to them that you want to make everyone happy and have a calm and peaceful setting for the children you watch but that cannot happen if the parents do not learn to let go..Try to be sympathetic to how they feel.. example . "I understand its hard to let go " or " It must be hard to have to leave " This way , the parents do not feel like you are attacking them..

Good luck dear and hope all ends up well/// Hope I could help :)

Answer 3

Well, I can totally understand why you feel the way you do. It is completely disruptive to the other children and drags out this child's misery the longer they stay. Just try to remember that people are very sensitive when it comes to their children. I have two children who are in daycare and fortunately they didn't suffer much separation anxiety. I also understood that the longer I would, perhaps, hang out the harder it was going to be for the child to accept that "mommy has to leave and go to work and I will see you after work." I would suggest talking to the parents and being very clear about how the child acts once they leave the house (include how many minutes it takes for the child to stop crying). Suggest that they "come in, get the child settled but try to only stay for 5 minutes". I personally would feel offended if I was told the rule for my family was "I must meet them at the door".

Good luck!

Answer 4

I totally agree with you!!!!!
I am going through this (on and off) with my two boys when I drop them off at MDO. It is hard, but I do leave....and quickly.
You should help the parents come up with a good-bye ritual.
Create a goodbye ritual during which the parents will say a pleasant, loving, and firm goodbye. They need to stay calm and show confidence in their child. Have her parents reassure her that they'll be back - and explain how long it will be until they return by using concepts that she will understand (such as after lunch) because she can't yet understand time. Have the parents give her their full attention when they say goodbye, and when they say that they are leaving, they need to mean it; coming back or hanging around will only make things worse. They need to understand that they might be a bit of fussing when they leave, but it is totally normal. It always (most of the time) ends quickly with few tears shed. Let them know that it is normal for them to have "seperation anxiety" (or feel guilty) as well. I know I did when I dropped of my boys at MDO for the first few weeks. It was the first time someone other than me was taking care of my kids...and they were 2 and 3 at the time!
It's important to make sure that the parents return when they have promised to return. This is critical, and there can be no exceptions. This is the only way their child will develop the confidence that she can make it through this time.

Answer 5

What you say makes perfect sense! You clearly see what is the problem and you are trying to find a solution.

As a parent however, if my child care provider told me I could NOT enter there, I would be disturbed and suspicious.

Perhaps a better solution to keep a good relationship with the parents is to tell them exactly what you have told us. It might be best to call them in the evening, tell them how much you like having their daughter there, how much you care about her well being, and explain what you have observed and suggest that since she adjusts perfectly fine once they are gone perhaps a short and sweet goodbye would be best. It appears the anticipation of their departure just kills her! Also tell them you will let them know how this goes. Ask them if they could ask grandma to do the same.
Good luck! You have a tough position!

**ps** I liked another idea that someone had of saying "5 minutes" OR you can say, "we have discussed this before, she continues to be quite upset while you're dropping her off and now it is not only upsetting for her, but disrupting & upseting the other children as well. What do you think is a good solution?" You can listen to their ideas, and then suggest yourself the, "let me meet you at the door" and see what they say.
Wow!! You're quite caring...good luck!!

Answer 6

This is your home and your daycare. You need to do what is best for yourself and all the children involved. Tell the parents one last time that once they leave the child is fine, and that yo uare asking that they please drop her off, give her a kiss and say goodbye. Explain that her fits are disruptive to the other children and you are looking out for everyones best interest. If nothing changes tell them that if this continues you will have to find new child care. You are running a business, you should be respected, and they need to follow your rules.

My son is in a home daycare. I love it so much. His teacher had the same problem though. Mom would come acouple hours a day for 2 weeks and the child would act out and interrupt the normal activities. The parent was told that the situation was not working out for anyone and they had two week to make new arrangements. You should have it in your "Parental Contract" that you have the right to ask a child to leave at anytime for anyreason.

Good-luck!

Answer 7

I think you should meet w/ the parents and explain to them that you believe she has separation anxiety. Also, explain that you have taken care of many kids so you know the best way to deal w/ this is to make the drop off as quick as possible. I understand where you are coming from as a daycare provider, but I also understand what it's like having a child like this. My child started daycare when she was 2 and for the first week she cried, but I stuck to just bringing her to her room and leaving, as much as it killed me to do. But after a week she was absolutely fine.
If this continues they may have to deal w/ this when the child is older and in school, and something like you've described will not be allowed in school.
You should explain all of this to them and tell them just to give it a try for a while. Good luck

Answer 8

I also have a daycare in my home and none of the parents will stay for more than a couple min. in the morning. You really don't want to not let them in in the mornings because sometimes there are things needing discused in the mornings. The way I do it, if a child is throwing a fit is to just take them from the parents. Tell the parents that they are fine, once they walk out the door and then take the kid into another room. Once the door is shut and the parent is gone let them back into that room if they want. Tell them that mom or dad will be back in a little bit to get them and find them some toys to play with. I usually just take them straight to the play room and they get distracted right away and don't even remember that their parent was just there.
Maybe you could have a favorite toy of hers waiting when she gets there. Maybe it will get her attention right away.

Answer 9

I went through this at my daughters day care. well kinda. she always screamed and cried when I dropped her off. But I would just hand her to her teacher give her a kiss and leave. She stopped screaming before I even left. Maybe you should try having the parents drop and run. I know It sounds harsh but it will work out. She just has to get over this phase. I did notice though that you said you put her in her bed for a time out. I don't think that is a good idea. You should have a designated place for time out. Because you don't want her to associate her bed with being in trouble. Good Luck!!

Answer 10

I think you should address the problem directly with the parents. If they don't like your policies then perhaps they should find a new daycare. By them accompanying their child in every morning they are only enforcing the negative behavior therefore making the situation 10 times worse. My twins cried when they started daycare at age 3, and it was very difficult for me to leve them, but I knew just as soon as I was out the door they were distracted by the activity around them and they didn't miss me anymore. Shoot straight from the hip...there is no need for the behavior of one child to disrupt the daily routine of the other children, and I would think that it could possibly upset the other children as well.

Answer 11

I would talk to the parents or send a letter home. Just explain that when they stay it disturbs the other children. My children go to a home day care and my provider has to tell one child's parents that she couldn't continue to provide care for the child because the baby was used to being held ALL DAY by the mother and insisted that the babysitter do the same.