Me and my husband have been happily married for 8 years.We had 2 kids, one 4 the other 6.Three month ago my younger son Jordon passed away from cancer and it just about killed me.I wasn't dealing at all and left town a month after the funeral to stay with an ex-boyfriend/good friend to get myself together,leaving my husband and 6 yr old on their own.I stayed away for 3 months because I just couldn't deal with being at home where everything reminded me of my son.I came home last week and although my son was overjoyed to see me,my husband has barely said a word to me since I left.He begged me to come home whenever I called but I was never ready until now and now it seems it's too late and he can't forgive me for leaving.I don't believe in getting professional help.What do I do?
2007-03-22 04:16:40 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We were very happy before my son died.We had the world at our feet and when my son died I just couldn't cope,it was killing me.I didn't go to the ex for comfort,I went because he lived so far away,away from all the memories.I don't trust therapists because I've been in therapy before for an eating disorder and he abused his position when treating me.
2007-03-22 04:48:48 · update #1
First please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your precious Jordan. I don't blame you for doing whatever you needed to do to get through this horrible time in your life. But remember, your husband is going through the same horror as you, but from a father's perspective. You left your husband to find comfort from another man (friend, ex, whatever). Your husband had to grieve without you, and take care of your son. Please talk to him, you are both entitled to go a little crazy to help yourselves thru this, but ultimately talk talk talk talk talk to each other and find comfort in each other. It won't be easy, but I know if you both try, and open up to each other about all your pain, and what you want from each other, you can make this work. I know you don't believe in professional help, but in this situation, it could definitely help. A therapist could help both of you to open up and express your feelings. Think about it. But first, go to your husband and talk to him, tell him how much you love him, and how sorry you are you hurt him when you left. Good luck to both of you and God bless.
2007-03-22 04:27:19 · answer #1 · answered by Ruby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a professional, I sincerely urge both you and your husband to seek professional help, from a psychologist or a minister or a counselor; someone experienced in counseling. However, if you refuse. I suggest that you apologize to you husband and to your 6 year old. Tell him the complete truth, don't omit anything. And tell him how you feel/felt. Tell him you were overwhelmed and that being in the same place where your son was, was just too much for you. Ask for forgiveness. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being honest, but I think it might be too late for your marriage. The fact that you went to another man for comforting sends a message to your husband that he is not 'good enough.' You left him for 3 months, to stay with another man, while he took care of his and your 6 year old and grieved for his other son alone; alone! How would you feel or react if he had done to you, what you did to him? He is probably very hurt and that emotional pain, from all the events is not going to go away anytime soon. If you want to save your marriage, you will need to be humble, patient, and understanding of your husband. And seriously, I don't know why you don't believe in it, you should strongly consider getting professional help. It might be the only chance you have.
2007-03-22 11:33:20 · answer #2 · answered by Michael H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is hard to say that your marriage could be saved?.. sorry to say so.. He must be as grieved as you are when your younger son has passed away.. Instead of being there for your elder kid and husband, you run to a an ex boyfriend place for 3 months. If you do not believe in getting professional help.. I think you need a long time for him to cool down and forgive you. It seem like you are only thinking of your own sorrow. you have put him out of your life. You just have be more caring and show more patient to him. he will forgive you in a matter of time as long as he still loves you.
2007-03-22 11:32:05 · answer #3 · answered by TO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter the circumstances the fact is that you abandoned your loved ones. What about their grief and need for support? I have no idea if your husband will forgive you but I think you will only have a chance if you are sincere in your apology. You may not believe in professional help but for the sake of your family I suggest you get help from someone who is objective. Good luck.
2007-03-22 11:33:55 · answer #4 · answered by superrrmodel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband everything you said on here. Find out what is bothering him. Maybe it is about your son not you leaving, maybe it isn't the fact that you went to your ex's house, but something else. Find out and let him know why you left and why you couldn't come home. And remember let him know you love him!
2007-03-22 12:19:07 · answer #5 · answered by bored_rena 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would apologize to him, andtell him the things you were going through. Maybe he willunderstandand forgive you. My opinion: You should have stayed with the oneswho loved you through an emotionaltime... Good Luck...
2007-03-22 11:21:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You need professional counseling...grief counseling and couples counseling.
2007-03-22 11:22:25 · answer #7 · answered by Carol D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋