Why is it acceptable to co-habitate for years yet still have a white wedding?

Question

I'm just confused. Why is it OK for couples to live together for years either before or after getting engaged, and they still have blow out weddings, bride wears white, etc.? Yet it's NOT ok for me to have a wedding of MY dreams (see my previous question post).

Also, why is it OK for divorced men and women to have ANOTHER wedding after they've already been married, once, twice, three times or more?

Answer 1

Getting married after co-habitation is still getting married.
As for wearing white... that became popular due to Queen Victoria wearing white at her wedding, it was NOT due to virginity... that "thought" came much later.

I went and read your previous post... You are not wasting the money if you have it now to spare. You should however word it as a vow renewal ceremony, because 1. that is what it will be and 2. you don't want to be accused of lying or "trying to pull the wool over anyones eyes".
If you wish to register for gifts that is up to you. People register for gifts for Christmas these days... the whole thought behind a registry is not "give me gifts" it is to give people who CHOOSE to give gifts an idea of what you would like to receive. DO NOT include registry information in the invitations however... this is seen as rude in any form (whether original wedding or renewal of vows). Tell a few family members where you registered and let them spread the word when someone asks. You will find that many of your guests will be delighted and bring a gift, others will not bring a gift but will want to show you their support, and yet others will just plain "frown" on the whole thing (the more old-fashioned their views the more unlikely they will be to support you).

If you have decided what you are going to do, don't ask for others opinions as this just opens the door for criticisms. You know what your group of friends is like and whether they will be offended or not... no need to ask us.

Answer 2

Wow...what a bitter, angry question. Well, the answer is:

A wedding is basically a party. No one is going to say what you can wear to your own party. Now, if a bride has been married many times before, perhaps the huge blow out party gets to be a little silly...but no matter how long a couple lives together, if it is the bride's first marriage, there is no reason she can not wear whatever she wants and celebrate the marriage.

As for divorced men having another wedding, again, a wedding is a party...it is a celebration of the new life with their new spouse. As long as the wedding is not designed as an insult to the previous relationship (Like, duplicating your previous wedding in obvious ways) there is no problem with it.

I think you need to let it go. If you bent to the pressure of other people, and gave up your chance to have an all-out-bash just because of the opinions of others, that is your issue to deal with...don't be resentful of others because they are standing up and doing whatever they want.

Answer 3

I think it's more of how strict peoples' beliefs are within that process. I've been married before and didn't have the wedding of my dreams and also had a divorce shortly after. Now, years later, I'm in a great co-habituating relationship and we plan on having a "beach wedding". Maybe I'm coming from the other side, but I think that if anyone who wants to step out and start a new beginning, they should be granted that, especially one where close friends and families are present.
- And I did check back at your previous post & I see nothing wrong with what you two plan on doing - it's all just a matter of opinions, not everyone's going to side with you, but I bet no matter what, the people who love and support you and your husband will be there. Some people in your family might have gotten bitter about what you two did back then (eloping) because it took away peoples' chance to be there and show their support the first time, but now, why not? We all don't make set decisions all the time, and If you two want it, then do it. All because you got a few disagreements from other people, then whatever, they don't have to come. There's no reason for you to get upset and try to critisize other peoples' actions, be happy and do things for you & your family, I'm sure your two kids would love to see Mommy and Daddy go down the isle and get to participate.

Answer 4

The reason it is unacceptable for you to have a "Wedding" is because its been 2 years since you got married!!!!! If you were going to have a big wedding, you should've done it within 3-6 months of getting married. I know a lot of people that either elope or get married far away, then come home and have a reception. People don't want to buy gifts for you just because you changed your mind and now feel that you need a day in the spotlight. You chose to elope and you chose not to celebrate your marriage with your family and friends. Don't get upset that they aren't in the mood to celebrate your marriage lasting 2 years. After you get married, it is etiquette that friends and family have up to 1 year to buy you gifts. It's been double that time frame.
People that live together and then get married have the right to have a big wedding (you had the right to have a big wedding but chose not to). It's their wedding. They can celebrate how they want. Why are you so judgmental against them? If they are willing to pay for it, that's their decision. Mind your own business.
Brides can wear white if they want to, no matter how innocent they are. In this day and age, premarital sex if accepted. Just think of it like this. Wedding dresses are white. A white wedding dress doesn't mean that the bride is a virgin. That's just the color that you wear when you get married.

Answer 5

Well, that's just the way it is. I can't tell you why some things are more accepted in society and why others aren't, nor can I tell you if that's the right way. But neither can you change the way things are.

However, your previous question was met with a lot of negativity of what you want to do. You are already married, have been for two years, and have a family. If you insist on having a huge wedding now and registering for gifts for it, you will meet just as much negativity from your guests. That doesn't mean you can't do this. Just that you need to be prepared that there will be people, friends and family, who think its wrong.

Answer 6

You can do whatever you want. However, I don't know if I would call what you are about to do your "wedding". You had your wedding - when you eloped. That's the difference between this and people who have been co-habitating and are just now getting married.

What you are having is a renewal of vows, and you should feel free to have a huge blow-out celebration if you want (complete with registering for gifts, if that is important to you).

Answer 7

Actually, it's NOT acceptable - selfish girls just want their way.
And a second, or subsequent wedding, should be a very quiet, small family affair.
Danielle, in your case, you are already married. Sad that you chose not to plan for and have your "dream" wedding at the time of your actual marriage. But it's understandable that things just happen, and a couple has a different type of wedding. However, you can't just "re-do" a wedding two years later, expecting all the resplendence of a first wedding. You are just going to have to let it go, and find some happiness with your husband and children -- and hopefully, within yourself.

Answer 8

I think its fine for you to have the wedding of your dreams. (I saw the previous question) Wear white, do it up. Your personal decisions are up to you, not anyone else. It's "okay" for couples to live together because its "okay" for them. We lived together, had a nice wedding. Traditions are just traditions. Some follow them, some don't. This happens because we live in a free country! You are free to have a wedding now if you so choose, invite who you want, if people choose to judge you , they can choose not to participate.

Good luck :)

Answer 9

I'm sorry, but you already passed on the wedding of your dreams. You're already married.

You can have a vow renewal that looks like the wedding of your dreams, but it's still not a wedding, which is why you shouldn't register for gifts.

Relax, though, people will still buy you stuff. We didn't even have a registry for our wedding (a destination wedding, only parents and one sibling were there), and we still got stuff. Besides, what are you more interested in, the white gown and bouquet, or "stuff?"

Answer 10

That saying went out with the Ark, you can wear white, or black, or any other colour you like. I've been married twice before, and am getting married again this year. It's ok, it's LEGAL so I don't care what anyone elses out dated opinions are.