Should one explain sex to the kids all at once, or one at a time as they reach a certain age?

Question

Say you have kids 7, 9, 11, and 13. Would you tell them all at once, or wait until each reaches a given age (13, 14, whatever)? Would it be the same age for girls and boys?

Answer 1

Sex education is not an event, it is a process. Ideally it will begin as soon as child can speak and recognize that mommy and daddy touch affectionately and kiss each other. The process continues as each child begins to ask questions about physical development and feelings toward the opposite sex.

In our family, part of the process has involved allowing children to watch movies or TV programs that contain sex and consequences of sex. During the program we will have casual conversation which allows us to impart our beliefs and values to our children. General conversations take place collectively. Some specific topics (a child's physical development, for example) must be discussed in private. The age at which these discussions takes place is variable...children grow up at different rates. What might be right for the firstborn at age 12 might not be right for the second child at age 12. Gender and individual differences must be taken into account.

Answer 2

There should be honest, open, age appropriate communication with your children (about everything.) Your probably late with the explainations on three of the four ages you gave. Read the papers, kids are giving oral sex on the buses in fifth grade and no one has explained to them that it is sex. (thanks Bill Clinton.) As uncomfortable as the thought may be if you don't explain it someone else will. Sex isn't just an idea they come up with at a certain age. Componets of it are all around them from the beginning. So the answer is TALK to your children. Even if they're rolling their eyes they are listening. And I don't really want to fight the war of the sexes but why is it people feel the need to draw a line between genders? Why is sex so different to men and women? Why is it you tell your sons to play the game and use a condom and the daughters get told to wait until the end of time? I'm sure they have websites on how to give the sex talk, ask jeeves. Good luck.

Answer 3

Man, you better get started - you need to start around 6, with the basic where do babies come from stuff, and making sure they are using correct biological terms for body parts. You add info. as they ask questions, and each year they age. Your 11 and 13 year old could already probably teach you stuff!
You must do it well, and accurately, and be totally open about it because a big part is dispelling myths and junk the kids talk about at school. Also, you will be doing the explaining according to your own family's values/religion, etc.
Good luck, and just do it. It's not painful...
Girls need a bit of a different talk than boys, but not much. Each must know about one another's bodies. However, with girls getting their periods earlier these days, sometimes as young as 9, they really need to be prepared ahead of time so they aren't scared.

Answer 4

I remember reading something about telling Life's truths to Children; I remember the image. A young Girl had asked her Father going on a trip, a question he did not want to answer ; so he told her to try carrying the suitcase next to him. As it was a heavy suitcase, the Girl could lift it, but not carry it. The Father compared the suitcase to the answer to her question and said to his Daughter: " When you are strong enough - I'll tell you."
Children will ask questions - do you know any children who don't ask "why" ? Questions, if answered according to the 'suitcase' image, should be answered, not only truthfully, but correctly. At 7 years of age, some understand more than others; some are not at all bothered about how they got here exactly - they know it had something to do with Mom & Dad. Children love stories about how their Parents met. I have always thought that was a good introduction for 'the birds and the bees'. So perhaps, that is the first story to tell. Depending on your Child's school curriculum, you can try and pair relevant issues, for example: if your Child learns about animal's gestation, then that is an appropriate time to explain, or fill in details about the wonderful workings of the Human Female reproductive system. Strangely enough, a significant number of Girls will not be told the function of the clitoris, and I haven't come across any drawings of the Clitoris in Biology Schoolbooks. It is as though no one wants to talk about it. So you will have to gauge what your Children need to know, because it is part of their education and future sexual well-being (yes, one day your grown-up Babies will make Babies !). Clearly, they do not need to know everything ! Informed Children can better protect themselves against 'predators' if you warn them, beforehand. However, remember the 'suitcase' and the fact that some realities are simply too harsh for young minds. Innocence has to be protected also: Children love, like only Children can. Too much information may confuse them and disturb them. Thus, answer their questions, but make ready for Puberty. Before the onset on Puberty, Girls must know about their future cycles, not in details perhaps, but they should know what to expect. Be careful how you say things: don't use slang and coarse images because that has an adverse effect on a young mind, whether it is a Boy or a Girl. Many adults do not have a satisfactory sexual life as a result of discovering sex through crude representation. On a personal note, my Brother and I were 'told' by my Parents while eating in a Restaurant. We were both under 10, and frankly a restaurant was not the best choice for such a forum... My Father wasn't able to finish his enthused, educational expose because my Brother and I were laughing beyond control and the laughter just said it all :
"Not now, Papa, we don't want to discuss 'seeds' !".
Good Luck !

Answer 5

Given age and individually. I'd say 13 is a good time for both genders - and wait until each one gets that age. This is the kind of talk you need to have one-on-one so that you can develop a relationship with that child and know they will come to you in confidence in the future.

It's embarassing enough for them (and you) but will keep a door open that they'll know they can talk to you without their siblings around. This is a bonding from parent to child that they are becoming an adult and you need to make them feel like and individual.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

I would say one at a time as they come of age to allow them to ask any questions they might not ask in a larger group. I'm sad to say that these days your 13 year old probably knows more about sex than you think so I'd talk to him/her first and make sure they have the right information. And then talk to your 11 year old because your 13 year old has probably shared what they know with him/her.

As far as ages and gender you really want to have "the talk" with girls right around the time (preferably before) they get their first period (between 10 and 12). The first period can be frightening if she isn't informed before it happens. For boys, I'd say you can wait a little longer but not by much (11 to 12). In boys watch for curiosity, then it's time.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I would say talk to the older ones now and wait a little to talk to the others. Why start something going through their young minds at 7 or even 9. When the right time comes to talk about it with each child, you will know. I would also do a separate talk for girls verses boys.

Answer 8

I would explain it to them one at a time, but not at any given age because everyone matures differently. I think the 13 and 11 are ready, kids find out alot of stuff at school now. and i know it wasnt in your question but dont act like you are nervous and if they ask questions dont get upset, or they wont come talk to you about stuff like that anymore.

Answer 9

7, 9, 11 i would say tell them what they need to know as they ask and get in to more detail as they get older. Your 13 yr old i imagine is getting ready for high school. so you need to talk to them quick fast and in a hurry before they listen to what there friends are telling them. But for the rest of the kids, you might not want nor need to tell you 7 year old as much as you do your 11 year old.

Answer 10

Talk to each one individually. What a 13 year old would understand is not likely for a 7 year old to understand. Depending on their age is how simple you keep the explanation.