my boyfriend is goin on 19 yrs of age, he lives with his parents and they treat him like a 5 yr old slave and he takes it i love him so it is my buisness when hes depressed...
he wont stand up for himself....
he works from 7-6 as a builder and then comes home to his parents and works on the farm til 9.30 how can he keep doing this
the worst part is he cant go anywhere unless they no who with and their not keen on me at all but my parents love him,...
he can neverr spend a nite anywhere not even at relatives and he has to be home every sunday by 5 for DINNER and mass
what can i say or do to help me?????
2007-03-22 00:19:17 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
for MAD i ment em actually
i want him to be happy and he isnt ya hes only got 1 sis and his dad seems to rule him i just wanna help him get loose and grow up for his sakes - hows he gonna grow and expierence life if he is always been watched
2007-03-22 01:34:42 · update #1
id just like to add that i love my boyfriend and he loves me, he is a family man and i want him to be there for his family but i dont think that he should put everyone else b4 his needs like his own life...
i dont control him and i always support him i just want him to be happy and been a slave for his family doesnt make him happy.!!!!
i rely dont want people telling me im ruining his life and that he is perfect without me ya he doesnt do drugs but only bcuz he chooses not to not because hes parents raised him perfectly
2007-03-22 01:52:58 · update #2
sounds like they just want him to have a solid work ethic. but i can understand it must be hard for to watch them push him so hard. i think they've done a good job raising him and now they rely on him a little too much to help them out....theyre clearly having trouble letting go. saying all that though, he wont say anything for himself if hes not ready to. hes 19, an adult and if he really did want to break free, he'd say something for himself. all you can do is take a step back from his family situation and try and gain his parents trust. he'll soon let you and them know when hes had enough. xxx
2007-03-22 04:22:50 · answer #1 · answered by hana woo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is your boyfriend you should be sorting this out with. If he is unhappy and obeying them under pretence then he has a lot of growning up to do and not ready for a serious relationship. At 19 and earning he should be able to speak for himself. However, it could be he actually wants to continue doing this and just agreeing with you to keep the peace. Are you by any chance Irish? I ask you this as I had a brother-in-law who was Irish but owned a farm in Ireland. He brought his son up a bit like this, although not living in Ireland all this about the land was inbred in to him as one day he would inherit it, which he has. As onlookers we used to think the son would turn on the father for the strict upbringiing he had. However quite the opposite, idolised him until the day he died and beyond. He has no family of his own yet but I am sure this 'working the land' thing will be passed to any family he has. Alien to us but there you go.
2007-03-22 18:14:39 · answer #2 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe your boyfriend was raised in a very strict, but loving home. If he does not complain about it,,he must be happy with it. At 19, he might not feel the need to be his own man, because of the sheltered life he has had, and the smothering love. The rules they have, are not respecting his age. It might take a couple years, but I think he will grow out of it,, and mature, and wish to be his own man,,until then, he is not,,,,,,just a kid. I hope you feel lucky to have a fine young man, and i hope you have the love, and patience, to wait for him to finish growing up. Also,,please do not think getting him to get you pregnant, will solve the problems,,it will create more,,and his parents might blame you, and call you unpleasant names. Hang in there,,do NOT nag him,, but tell him how you feel, and that you are there for him. It will help you grow together. Good luck!
2007-03-25 23:14:38 · answer #3 · answered by Steve C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and see if he is waiting for some thing(like saving for his own place, or a ring for some one), he may love his family with all of the faults you dislike or maybe he not a ball less / spineless, trained dog but someone who knows the family is old and needs help. Maybe you can be supportive to him and understand his point of view and then find a way to make both of your dreams come true(remember he had his family first, if you seem to dislike them he may feel you don't really respect him).
2007-03-26 15:48:45 · answer #4 · answered by wiggliy66 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a great guy. It seems to me that the only way for you to get this man is to marry him and to move away to another state. If you marry him and remain where you are, things will go on as they do right now. He will never be able to get away and he'll probably die from stress and overwork before he hits his 50's. His family is pretty dominant, so they will always be fighting you, as they view you (I'm guessing here) as someone who will disrupt the little arrangements they have going on with each other. But if you really want your man, brace yourself and go in and get him.
2007-03-22 08:05:41 · answer #5 · answered by suki's mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a real family man, from a close knit unit who take their responsibilities seriously. You should not try to come between this man and his family - it is up to him to break or loosen the ties when he is ready. Is there a clue in the last line of your question - 'how can I help ME?' If you cannot accept the current situation then you should move on.
2007-03-22 07:27:36 · answer #6 · answered by mad 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you need him to have more time not for you, don't say it that way, but FOR THE TWO OF YOU. Think about it. If he's really a lap dog, he will make changes to correct it for you. If he doesn't, you'll have a decision to make. Keep him informed. Don't just disappear on him. I have a feeling he's codependent and wants to please you, if given a chance, and if he has the rules and limits laid down for him.
Maybe he's the live with parents kind, and will be at 45, and not the marrying kind.
Good luck
2007-03-22 07:54:55 · answer #7 · answered by Winston Smith 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i'm with MAD on this one.....be happy that you have such a responsible boyfriend, some girls cant even get their men off the couch let alone get them to work....he's still only young and is preparing for his future life, his parents are doing this for him, be happy with him and don't complain, he's a good guy....be happy for him, you may see him as being a trained dog....but his parents don't, they are doing it for a reason, theres not many people out there who have a son that would go out and work at that age....so count your blessings that you have boyfriend who will go out work hard like a real man should
2007-03-22 08:48:42 · answer #8 · answered by Dazzlebox 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't take it personally. I'm sure his parents like you well enough. But their responsiblity is to their son. Their focus is on helping him become the best man he can become. Their focus is helping him achieve his goals. As for them being strict....., rather he be like a friend's son who at 19 is a father to a one month hold, and step father to 2 older children? You may not agree with their parenting but you should respect their right to parent and his right to accept their rules.
If you can be patient, this one is a keeper. Focus on becoming the best you can become.
2007-03-26 13:09:05 · answer #9 · answered by alikilee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try having time away with him every other weekend if possible and he will see that he has to stand independently then. i dont blame him, its all he has been shown, its his folks who have done it and they need to back off and let him develop late as it may be but its never to late is it.
2007-03-22 09:47:20 · answer #10 · answered by deep in thought 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋